Saturday, 4 January 2014

Rhinofy-And The Cradle Will Rock...

It's my favorite Van Halen song.

Once upon a time, I had a free subscription to AOL when you had to pay by the hour. As a result, I checked out every nook and cranny of the service, from the chat rooms to the dating boards. And after lurking for a while, I decided to play, and e-mailed a woman for a date.

She never responded.

But two months later, finding myself on Love@AOL once again, I saw her picture and decided to take a second chance. This time she responded, this time she said yes, she said she'd held off at first because I had the same name as her ex. Huh?

Anyway, after talking on the phone I agreed to drive out to the 805 area code for a date at a sushi bar in Thousand Oaks. This was long before Internet geographical undesirability, this was back when we were still intrigued by our newfangled online connectedness and believed, just maybe, our heart's desire was out there and now we could find them.

Now I'm not saying I'm a slow mover, but from the moment this woman entered the restaurant, not looking as good as her picture, it was clear this wasn't an informal get-together, but that we were ALREADY TOGETHER!

She'd decided I was the one. She was talking about our relationship to the other patrons. She was touching me. Sounds horrifying and gratifying all at the same time, I know.

And I was trying to play along, but I was slowly becoming speechless. I mean we all want sex, but we're all reluctant to enter the bizzaro world.

And when we were done, we drove in my car to Music Plus, so I could advise her on records to buy. Shopping together is always intimate.

And when we were done, we got back into my automobile and I put on "And The Cradle Will Rock..."

Maybe subconsciously I was testing her.

You've got to know, I believe in world class car stereo systems. With a zillion speakers and powerful amplifiers. Not the kind you hear from the mini-truck next door to you at a light, but a variation on what you experience at the high end audio shop, back when they used to have those.

I fired up the Alpine head unit. It spoke to the CD changer in the trunk. The ADS amps came to life and the plethora of ADS speakers started emanating this spectacular sound.

Come on, you know the record...

It begins with a glorious noise that sounds like Eddie Van Halen is landing a jet on an aircraft carrier, and then Alex starts to pound, Michael Anthony holds down the bottom, and David Lee Roth implores us to GET UP!

You can just picture it, you've been there. Cocooned in your automobile as you're enveloped in this wondrous noise.

"Well, they say it's kinda frightnin'
How this younger generation swings"

Yes it is. This woman was horrified. It's like an invisible force field immediately surrounded her as she put her hands over her ears and exclaimed...TAKE ME TO MY CAR!

"And when some local kid gets down
They try and drum him outta town"

I immediately turned it down. But it was already too late. She was no longer speaking to me. I drove across the vast parking to her automobile, whereupon I tried to rescue the evening, suggesting we go to her house for some follow-up.

But she wanted nothing to do with me, we were done.

And that, my friends, is the power of rock and roll.

Spotify link: http://spoti.fi/p6HcZ8


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Friday, 3 January 2014

Retention

It's much harder to lose a customer than make one.

All this hogwash about treating people nice is irrelevant compared to the difficulty of getting someone to try your product in the first place.

Case in point, that miserable piece of doody known as AT&T Wireless.

Oh, I can hear you now! The service is fantastic! The highest speeds anywhere!

All you're demonstrating is your ignorance, because you don't know any better, and that's a sorry state of affairs in this information age wherein you can Google anything and find out the facts. But people don't want to know the facts, they'd rather wallow in their investment.

Kind of like the BMW Mini. Ever read the repair records on those automobiles? Absolutely horrible, just above Yugo level, you can't buy a car built in England... But everybody who's got one keeps testifying how spectacular they are, proving once again, if you bought it, unless it's the worst piece of crap ever and doesn't even fulfill the most basic of obligations, YOU LOVE IT!

So let's go back to AT&T Wireless.

It's the brand name. You trust it! Never underestimate good will. If you're buying your first wireless phone do you really want to go with the brand you've never heard of before? It takes a long time to deplete the good will of a brand. Look at General Motors, turning out junk for decades before everybody turned around and realized Japanese cars were better built.

So AT&T has got a brand name and a plan... That's why I signed up back at the turn of the century. You could dial anywhere in the U.S. for one flat rate. But the only problem was if you could get a connection, you couldn't keep it. But everybody complained, everybody dropped calls, AT&T was no worse than any other service.

Untrue.

Took me three years to take the plunge. To switch to Verizon. Whereupon I found...I COULD MAKE PHONE CALLS! It's like the wireless genie blessed my hand-set. Complete dead zones came alive. And suddenly, when calls were dropped, I knew it was on the other end... Are you on AT&T Wireless? OF COURSE!

Hell, word was getting out before AT&T launched the iPhone, the biggest mistake Verizon ever made. The same one XM made. You pay for talent, you pay for excellence, if you're not willing to lay your money down, you're gonna lose. If XM paid Howard Stern, Sirius would not exist today. Instead, the latter swallowed the former. If Verizon launched the iPhone, AT&T would now be less than Sprint.

But everybody looks at today, not tomorrow. Believes if they win now, no one can beat them, the future's unknowable, right?

Wrong.

Earn your money and buy the best products.

That was the selling point of the Macintosh, USABILITY! It's still the selling point of the iPhone. Yes, you can get an Android for free, but you won't know how to use it! Oh, you Samsung Galaxy owners can shut right up. This isn't for you, this is for the ignorant. You're a power user who customized the interface, go for it, you're a winner, I'm speaking to the losers.

Like those on AT&T Wireless.

They're afraid to switch.

It's too HARD!

I won't be able to keep my NUMBER!

That's how dumb they are. They don't even pay attention to the news. You can take your damn number and switch FOR FREE!

But AT&T doesn't want you to. They've got a damn family plan, locking you up, keeping you with sad sack service like in some third world country, except that wireless service in third world countries is BETTER than AT&T!

And your phone won't work overseas!

These winners who are so dumb... There have been worldwide Verizon BlackBerrys for in excess of half a decade. Every iPhone you buy on Verizon works overseas.

BUT I CAN'T SPEAK AND SURF!

Is this really a problem?

You're just afraid. The same way you're retaining your iPhone 4S because you don't want to pay $200 for a 5S, not understanding the phone is really $650 and every month after two years you don't get a new phone the wireless company is dancing in circles and exulting hosannas! You're the chump they were looking for! The same one who buys a 5C instead of a 5S. Please don't cheap out. It's so unbecoming.

But you're afraid of the unknown.

And what is motivating me to write this?

Because here in Vail, Colorado, AT&T UPGRADED its service! Admitted it was bad and spent some money...

But texts still come through hours later. Can you imagine that? Don't you text instead of e-mail because it's instantaneous? If it's not, what are you paying for?

I ask you.

As for wireless service... Verizon has LTE except into the very upper reaches of Blue Sky Basin, whereupon it drops to 3G. But you can't even make a phone call on AT&T in Mid-Vail, never mind surf the Net.

But you don't want to switch. Because you're afraid. Because you're ignorant and you believe that AT&T is just as good as every other wireless service even though every year "Consumer Reports" ranks it at the absolute bottom!

Oh, you read that story wherein AT&T surfed faster than Verizon! Verizon admitted that it had capacity issues!

That's assuming you can GET LTE! And that's only because smart people keep abandoning AT&T for Verizon and...service is still great, fewer drops, more LTE, but the chumps on AT&T are looking for anything to convince them not to switch. These are the same people who stayed on Windows until they had four iPods and their kid insisted on buying a Mac and they used it and were stunned that it just worked and they had so much PRODUCTIVITY!

Oh, that's right, Macs are more expensive. You'd rather spend $400 for a thick Windows machine with a bad screen, a lousy operating system and a chip so slow you don't know the Net can run faster.

Then again, maybe you're still on DSL. How's that Netflix account working for you!

And it's no different with bands. Every day I get e-mail that so and so is as good as the star. That might even be true! But try getting someone to sample the newbie's music! Try getting them to the gig! Stars have hits and momentum and investment and people will check out the crappy new album of the established star long before they'll listen to something new.

Which is why Apple and Amazon focus on getting your credit card and your trust. They know you're afraid to switch.

And why ignorant people think we need a new Spotify or a new Google when the ones we've got are good enough. We don't need any me-too products. We need that which is totally new and hugely better than what presently exists!

So either now you're up in arms saying I'm totally wrong or you're already on Verizon.

Or you're a complete idiot on Sprint with unlimited data and some of the slowest speeds in creation.

Or a true cheapskate on T-Mobile, where you get what you pay for, bad service and slow connections.

And there we have it.

The winners in this world want to go to Ivy League schools. They know the state institution might deliver just as good an education, but those you rub elbows with at the Ivys will change your life. But you don't want to pay for the Ivy. You want a deal. Deals are for chumps.

And you don't need the best of anything. You're always looking for a deal.

Those looking for a deal are hamstrung in life, they're always one step behind, wearing last year's fashions, using last year's skis, missing out on the essence.

So what am I telling you?

BE WILLING TO CHANGE! TAKE THE RISK! LAY YOUR MONEY DOWN!

Or you're always going to be behind the eight ball.

And you're not even going to know it.


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Thursday, 2 January 2014

The Noise Cycle

Is Beyonce's album already done?

Looks like it. Hopefully Sony will be able to eke out a few hit singles, but the publicity burst is over and we're ready for the next thing. Springsteen's album is teed up. I give it until February 1st to be gone.

How did this happen? How did the world change and the music industry not? How did acts keep making albums that came and went when everything online is continuous?

The same way television usurped the role of movies, by realizing it was important to build a national culture that kept everybody talking.

Miley Cyrus tried this. But her stunts eclipsed the music. Only those not truly interested don't realize she's executing a series of stunts, employing marijuana, tattoos and scatological behavior.

So either you've got to go underground, be happy with the niche audience you've got, or our entire business needs a rethink on how to make, manufacture, distribute and promote music.

Once upon a time there was radio. You were addicted to the airwaves more than any particular act. If you liked that act, you could purchase their music for private play.

Then came MTV, which got the entire nation excited and talking.

And then came the Internet, which killed music video, put a dent in radio and made everything hearable by everybody the day of release.

And you wonder why the music business is challenged.

It would be great if there were an outlet everybody became addicted to, one with soul, beholden to the music. That certainly isn't terrestrial radio. And every Pandora station is unique.

As for music video... Every year there are a few clips that catch our eye, otherwise they're ads that mostly go unwatched.

So in the future:

1. The game goes on every day.

2. The single is your way to stay in the game.

3. Blockbusters rule. I.e. "Get Lucky," "Blurred Lines" and "Royals." They're the heart and soul of the business. When they hit, they can impact the culture and last for months. They don't depend on radio, they don't depend on video, rather they rise upon their intrinsic goodness. Either you create one of these, or your project will be forgotten. This is what Beyonce's album lacks. How many can name a single song from the record? As for Springsteen, he tried this gambit with "We Take Care Of Our Own"... The only problem is, it was no "Blurred Lines."

4. We live in the era of blockbuster singles. Most people didn't buy the Daft Punk, Robin Thicke or Lorde albums, they don't need them. But they do need another track just as good. None of the albums featured a track even close. Which is why the albums didn't matter.

5. Touring is about making money, it's rarely about growing your audience, especially at today's inflated ticket prices. That's one thing Kid Rock got right, letting looky-loos in at a low price and trying to close them at the gig. It's a strategy abandoned by the business that needs to come back. You've got to be so good live that you gain new fans. This can be done via TV, it's what Prince did at the Super Bowl and has been touring in the wake of ever since, but there was Prince at the Super Bowl and...

6. Short term billing... As long as the record industry focuses on this it's doomed. TV shows are famous for negative financing, investing for future syndication, whereas in recorded music it's all about the now, how can we squeeze out the most money today, the public and the act be damned. Streaming is inherently long term, and even the acts don't understand this, but we're entering an era of one hit wonders and long termers, which one do you want to be?

7. We have to agree that most people don't need most music. Record labels would be better off signing fewer acts and focusing on getting them right and promoting them. We live in an era where quality rules. Cars rarely break and computers are nearly idiot-proof, certainly the burgeoning tablet. What makes us believe the audience has got time for mediocre music, made at length? Then again, it's easy to record crummy music, it's actually quite hard to make a crummy car.

I don't expect anybody to tackle the above issues. The labels are run by old men who want instant paydays and the acts are all chasing the bankers and their private planes and the unwashed wannabes want it to be easy, like reality television. As for the techies, they were never about the music, just extracting the revenue of what exists. And believe me, we don't have a technology problem, we've got an artistic problem, married to a marketing problem.

So this is what's gonna happen. We're gonna continue to plod along until someone does it differently. It will probably be an act. It might be a new genre of music. The tunes will come first and the money second. The choices made will not align with those of today. And when it arrives we'll all scratch our heads and say...THAT'S IT!


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Monday, 30 December 2013

The One Percent

I was in the lobby of the Four Seasons when a maybe ten year old boy sat down at the piano and started to tickle the ivories. This was not some child whose parents had forced him to take piano lessons, rather he was a near-virtuoso. Who was taking lessons at the University of Miami. Paid for by his parents. From Mexico.

Greetings from Vail, Colorado, where the one percent is so rampant, I'm surprised Michael Moore hasn't written a book about it. Used to be skiing was a middle class sport. No more. There's not a single person on the hill in jeans. Lift tickets are $139 a day, and despite being able to purchase a season pass for less than $700, the maze is full of customers. That's right, you've got to wait in line, a long one, to pay through the nose.

How did we get here?

It didn't used to be this way. I went to public school. Some of the kids lived in the projects. But not only did we have music lessons and art classes, paper and pencils were FREE! No more.

Unless you go to private school.

That's the dirty little secret of the one percent, they're pulling away from us. Their kids may be snotty and entitled, but they're educated at the best institutions money can buy, they're enriched not only after school, but during the summer, when they fly to far-flung places to "do good," which looks really good on their college resume compared to the poor kid who stays home in July and August watching television because he can't even get a job.

Even worse, the poor kids don't know about educational opportunities. They don't know about the Ivy League, they don't know elite institutions are need blind, that if you get in, tuition is free if you're broke.

But the poor don't believe they're going to be broke for long. They're living in such complete darkness, they don't even know how the ruling class operates.

Real estate values in Vail are burgeoning. They've blown by the 2008 pre-recession peak. As they have in many wealthy neighborhoods. Meanwhile, the poor can't afford a house at all. And they can't get a job that would pay a mortgage. They're reduced to service jobs, which frequently don't even pay the rent.

Like in Vail. Where the concierge hands you your skis with a smile on his face. His boss told him to do it. But he probably won't get fired if he doesn't, because there's an employment shortage, because there's nowhere to live! Just like your maid takes the bus from an hour away, resort workers can't afford to live in the Village, but there are no far-flung suburbs, only vast open land.

But the minimum wage can't go up because "small business owners" will be hurt and the public will have to pay an extra dime for a hamburger. Well, if you know anything about economics, our country is driven by consumer spending. Most rich people only need one or two cars. We need the regular public to buy cars to get the economy humming. But people are not only broke, they're not optimistic about their future.

Used to be you could have middle class goals, like being a school teacher. But now teachers are chumps, except for the best and the brightest who participate in Teach America, burnishing their resumes before they go to work at the bank. The divide keeps getting bigger and bigger and it doesn't look like it's going to stop.

The rich own the media. They don't want revolution. They want the FCC in their back pocket, just where they need it. So you've got people voting against health care when they've got none and the government would subsidize it. Huh? Life expectancy in America is lagging other established nations, not because the rich are dying in droves, they can see the best doctors, but because the poor don't go to the hospital until it's too late.

So what's going to happen?

It's incumbent upon the rich and the powerful to change things.

But it appears that except for Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, most rich will give a few bucks to charity, but want to keep their lofted perch.

But the rich are not the only powerful ones. We've got artists too.

Jefferson Airplane used to sing about tearing down the walls, that we should be together as a force of change. But today's artists just want to sell out to the corporation so they can fly private too.

And students are so shocked, and so indebted, that they've got no time to do anything but desperately try to get on the gravy train. When I graduated from college I was a ski bum, they don't exist anymore. It's poor immigrants who do all the work in ski areas today.

And sacrifice is a dirty word. We're all so desperate we cling to whatever we have, our coarse society tells us we deserve it, and we can guard it with our firearms.

You don't read about the rich shooting each other, do you? Little Johnny picking up Daddy's gun and popping his sister? That's because Rich Johnny has got a 24/7 nanny, he's never unsupervised, while poor Johnny's parents both work to try and make ends meet.

So it's a land of serfs and lords. And if you don't have a six figure income, you're a serf. Sounds bad, I know it, but it's the truth. Your future is limited, the joke is on you. You've got reality television to keep you company.

And it's no different in the music business. Ever notice the executives have long tenures and tons of cash and almost all acts are poor and have little longevity? You're working on Maggie's Farm all right, where you're worked to death for the quarterly report. Screw credibility, screw getting it right, we need the billing!

And the poor are lining up to be hosed. It's the human lottery. Just give me a chance.

And the middle class is getting squeezed out. Used to be the educated class had power, now the rich go to concierge doctors and have usurped all the goodies of the intelligentsia, whose kids are not so stupid, who are becoming financiers and techies to ensure their survival.

There's no coding in the ghetto. Only sports. Wherein we watch the underprivileged pound each other for our enjoyment. That's the NFL, watch it, but own it.

And since the poor are so ignorant, change is only going to come from above. Elon Musk will fix income inequality before Occupy Wall Street.

But Elon Musk is a footnote compared to a musician.

But we've got blank Britney in Vegas and jive Justin Bieber all over the airwaves as airhead Kim Kardashian rules the gossip pages.

There is no educated Kim Kardashian. Because no one who's paid their time in school is going to sacrifice it for a brief moment in the public eye. They'd rather acquire power than bling.

So we need hope. That's what human beings run upon.

Stop believing you're gonna be rich. Your odds of winning the lottery are just about as good.

Stop being beholden to the rich, educated class. Don't be their lackeys.

Stand up to power.

Have something to say.

And realize we're all in it together. And when we lift up our brother we lift up ourselves, because we all live in a society, which we want to be safe and equitable with opportunity for all.


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Kennedy Center Honors

It's an ersatz show with barely more than meaningless medals, but it does prove that the arts are our nation's heritage, its driver, its soul.

I mean when you see the President and his wife rocking out, you know that music moves the country in a way no other medium can, and if you just harness the zeitgeist, you will possess more power than any politician and any banker.

And the problem is the talent. If you've got the lead singer of Panic! At The Disco singing Billy Joel's "Big Shot" you may have appealed to the kids but you've lost all credibility.

However, Rufus Wainwright finally got his star turn with "New York State Of Mind," he wrung its essence out, but improved on the original not a whit.

Unlike Don Henley, who extracted a soulful feeling different yet equal from "She's Got A Way."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZT3DLrf_5I

But the reason I mention Henley is he's a peer. Billy seemed near tears as Henley performed his song. We all want respect. Mostly from those we respect. And in this short segment, Billy's night was made.

But the highlight of the evening was Buddy Guy's rendition of Muddy Waters's "Hoochie Coochie Man."

Performance is a funny game. It's he who transcends who is remembered. You can be good, you can be great, but if you can blow us away...

And that's what Buddy Guy did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AURnhinda_M

It was kind of like Prince at the Super Bowl. An unexpected victory lap that defined the experience. But most people still don't know Mr. Guy, he has gotten awards, but not a victory lap with the public, but last night he did.

He's so relaxed. Unlike so many of today's stars, he's not working too hard. He's reveling in his talent. And so are we.

It's like you're hearing the song for the very first time. But as it goes on, your mind is stretched all the way back to the progenitor, the blues come alive in the hands of this lifer respected by the players who has never gotten the public adulation of Clapton, Page or Beck.

It seems so effortless. Like he's spent his whole life preparing. Like he can wake up in the morning, pick up his Strat and deliver at will.

And it's all now, not calculated and premeditated like the efforts of the politicians and the businessmen.

It's what we all strive for. It's the nougat of sex. The essence of life.

We all want to live in the moment.

And last night, Buddy Guy did.

Acts followed him, but no one else could equal his power, his ability to channel life.

Be careful of who opens for you.

And when you get your chance... DELIVER!


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