https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RIgeu-6Jcs
It brings tears to your eyes.
What kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where the two musical highlights of the year were provided by septuagenarians?
That's right, Taylor Swift and Adele did not reach Mt. Everest in 2015, theirs were financial stories propped up by commercial pop and grade B songs, the peaks were reached by Bob Dylan and Aretha Franklin.
Dylan put a cap on the old and brought in the new at the Grammy Awards, wherein he gave a speech that proved not only that he still had it, that the same guy who cut "Positively 4th Street" still operated at an elite level, far outpacing all his so-called competitors, but that he'd been paying attention all these years, he truly knew which way the wind blew. And it was a live event that if you were at you'll never forget and if you weren't you won't ever really understand. Kind of like Newport. You can read about it, but to be confronted with limit-testing individualism unexpectedly is to feel fully alive, knowing that you had an intimate moment with a god.
And then, at the end of the year, came Aretha. She truly made us feel like a natural woman, even if you were a guy.
"Looking out on the morning rain"
Back when we used to be contemplative, back when Carole King's "Tapestry" owned the turntable, when life wasn't about boasting but introspection, when our music soothed our souls, didn't merely fire us up and get us to dance.
The above-referenced "1989" and "25" will have a fraction of the impact "Tapestry" once had. Because it was a different era, one could own the conversation, and because the songs on "Tapestry" were timeless, known by heart by every baby boomer, beacons in the wilderness. If you're a boomer and you don't sing "So Far Away" in your head on a regular basis, you're a wanker with no sense of context or reflection. Come on...
"So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore"
Funny how the web and Facebook have brought us back together, but that's the story of the boomers, the itinerancy. We couldn't afford plane tickets on a whim, we got behind the wheel of our large automobiles and spread out over this great nation of ours, bringing our values and our music. That's right, you had your 8-tracks and cassettes, riding shotgun. We felt the earth move with our friends and then it was too late to become someone different, we were who we are.
But there were two legacy tracks on "Tapestry," that we knew in prior incarnations, when legendary singers covered the work of Carole King and her husband Gerry Goffin.
"Will You Love Me Tomorrow?" was a hit for the Shirelles back in 1960.
And "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" was a smash for Aretha Franklin in the fall of '67. It followed "Respect" and was bookended by "Chain Of Fools." Aretha had jumped ship from Columbia to Atlantic and she'd found her commercial groove, she was the biggest female singer on the planet. Diana Ross and the Supremes may have parted the sea, but it was Aretha who came sailing on through, who owned not only the airwaves, but our hearts.
And like today's prodigies, Aretha started young, in church.
But unlike the kids, Aretha could play, as she did on the Kennedy Center Honors. Really, do we expect Bieber or Taylor or Adele to tickle the ivories like that?
Of course not.
Because now music is more about fame, more about the scorecard than art.
The Kennedy Center Honors are ersatz. Deserved honorees feted in a second-class fashion, all schmaltzy talk and too often second-rate performances, often by second-rate stars. I'm all for giving people props, especially after long-distinguished careers, I just wish these shows had more moments of gravitas, that they touched us like the original performances, on Broadway, at the Fillmore.
They usually don't.
But occasionally they do.
I didn't see Aretha live, never mind being there at the original taping.
But when I got back to the condo after the telecast, it was all anybody was talking about. Remember that? When something was so good the assembled multitude couldn't help but testify?
And then I watched it.
Some will focus on Aretha's appearance, not knowing that having the music inside you is what makes you beautiful.
Carole King is thrilled.
But the high point is when Obama wipes away a tear.
It's our country now, the yahoos fighting the immigrants, ignorantly supporting the rich, are fading to black. Because music stopped the Vietnam war and we live in a rainbow of color these days, credit MTV, which integrated us on television to the point where our mores were changed. Oldsters may have a problem with gays getting married, but the younger generation is just fine with it. And old whites may hate that we've got a black President, but they'd be stunned to find out their grandkids adore Kendrick Lamar. Our nation is challenged in so many ways, but if you stop tilting the table, if you stop the gerrymandering and the disinformation campaign, you can see that we're more together and more accepting than ever before, and one of the main things that brought us together was music.
"When my soul was in the lost and found
You came along to claim it
I didn't know just what was wrong with me
'Til your kiss helped me name it"
You're lost in the wilderness and then you bring Aretha Franklin up on YouTube and your woes fall away, your life makes sense, you can see a direction home.
That's the power of art, the power of talent.
"(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman" was not the first song Carole King and Gerry Goffin wrote. They didn't cut it at home on their computer and expect to be household names overnight.
And Aretha Franklin did not bake cookies for fans, kiss the butt of press and radio so they'd make her a star, the music was enough. Remember when the music was enough?
"Oh baby, what you done to me
You make me feel so good inside
And I just wanna be close to you
You make me feel so alive"
You don't have to be in a club bumpin' asses.
You don't have to be on your iPhone connecting with your buddies.
All you have to do is pull up the video of this performance and your life will be elevated, all the b.s. dragging you down will be pulled away. You won't believe people this talented still walk the earth, that not everybody in music has been dumbed-down.
This is where we reclaim the power from the bankers and the techies. When we dedicate our lives to art, to excellence, to exhibiting the human condition such that those exposed won't feel so alone.
Aretha, you make me feel that life is worth living.
Carole, you make me feel that working in obscurity, nearly alone, is the way to pay your dues and to get ahead.
You both make me feel I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for.
That's the power of music.
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Saturday, 2 January 2016
Re-Driver Dilemma
I probably would have done the same thing...it's usually not worth fighting someone with very little to lose...the whole wounded tiger thing...fight your way up, not your way down.
If I were a dickhead billionaire sociopath like Trump I'd have done the opposite...but fuck Trump.
Happy New Year buddy,
Aron Gibson
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The simple and beautiful idea of "customer service" is almost completely gone in the U.S. , it's sad.
pschase
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I forwarded this to my wife, Bob, and if my son was old enough, I'd send it to him, too. Great, thought-provoking piece. Happy new year otherwise. ;) -E
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Lesson? Stay home on New Year's Eve and make beef fondue and a nice bottle of cab and light a fire. Avoid amateur night. 62 is old enough not to see anyone you don't love on New Years.
Thomas Geimer
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Report the douche. He was probably hung over . . . too much bourbon and coke (cocaine) the night before.
Or he was a tweeker. I have noticed that tweekers can make electronics go haywire. I actually have a rule about that after having seen it so many times. Do not let tweekers near the electronics!
The human electrical system circulates in a clockwise manner. Tweekers get their electrical system running backwards. Or as the Brits say, "anti-clockwise'.
Your chauffeur seems to have been exceedingly anti-clockwise.
Reporting him is the right thing to do so as to protect others from having to suffer as you were gracious enough to do.
Happy New Year Bob! Go forth in Peace!
Kieron Kevin McKindle
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Know that feeling. Sounds like your better instincts called for not escalating the situation.
Trying to decipher someone's mental status on the fly is difficult.
You know he knows where you live which can be a disadvantage if dealing with a true whack job.
Hmmm, maybe a John Wayne respond might have been more appropriate. I love L.A. ;)
All the best in the New Year,
G.Robey
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Awesome, write up, Bob. Having lived in NY for 10 years, I've had some pretty heated times with cab drivers while also successfully diffusing the situation or making them feel bad about their ways but making up a story to create empathy. But each driver is their own nervous system of emotions, fears, thoughts, ego, culture and they all react differently. Some forget it's a service job and instead their car is their own universe where you have to see the world they do or they have the right to yell like a crazy shop keeper.
Like you said about your dad, he knew when to fold them. There's a point where you have to give up on people and understand where they peak and in which departments. And that's when you get out of the car, and do a new Uber, just as long as you can get off the highway. Though if it's cold and rainy and you have luggage, that might sometimes seem tougher than handling a crazy, unskilled driver.
In other news, I've noticed a rise in the amount of drivers who tell me, "I'm going to give you 5 stars," when they drop me off, hoping for me to do the same in return. For the longest time, I didn't know they were rating the riders, though it makes sense.
House of Cards play. What would Kevin Spacey's character do in your situation? I imagine he'd say something to the driver like this: "Listen, this ride hasn't been the peachiest, but you still have the ability to get 5 stars if you turn off that GPS. If you don't, I'll report you and you can find a new job." Though, you might not even have to say the last part.
-Dax
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Been there. Many times. Most sayings are based on fact. When they say someone has big balls, they really have big balls. If you're balls are physically big, that's half the battle right there. You're predestined for a certain level of respect. Your balls lead the way and evryone knows it.
I haven't heard "schlepper" in a long time. My father used it a lot, along with "gonif" or "ganev". He used them both as thief or robber. Everyone knows schlep means to lift, carry or take. Lift and take can be applied to a thief.
My father grew up in Dorchester at a time when there was still a large Jewish community. He also worked in the textile industry. That made him an honorary jew.
Cheers,
Tom Quinn
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report him, twice. oldbob
rwhake
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God, that is uncanny. You've tapped into my psyche. Same issue different circumstances. The trouble with really reasonable people. We let a lot of stuff slide because we don't want to make trouble. Can nice guys win and get what they want, or do you have to be an asshole? I guess I just have to remember to stand up for myself. If I'm really put off and pissed, I need make a big deal about it because it means the other guy is way out of line...cause I'm so damn reasonable.
John Brodey
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Guy was probably getting a Time + Mileage pay. It's typical of Driver jobs these days.
I feel you, though, on the mental gymnastics one goes through in those situations.
It wasn't until it was explained to me that I am an imposing physical presence, despite not seeing that in myself, that I understood why some people thought I was yelling at them. I'm not buffed out by any stretch of the imagination, simply height weight proportionate in this day of extreme Body Mass Indexes.
An articulate person with command of language during a heated or emotional exchange will appear to be more forceful in my opinion.
More simply, your words were better than his words.
Thanks for the daily missives, You have helped me to identify the areas I was frustrated with and by during my tenure in the biz.
Regards Allen (Alien) Craft retired road dog.
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Be careful. I never have any of these drivers drop me off at my exact house. Always blocks away so they don't know where you live.
Danny Jay
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Bob, be yourself.
Don't put energy into the driver. He will have to fight his fight tomorrow again...
And don't worry about the rich...
How much life have you got left?
Let it go, as your gut told you.
The rich are only a reason for you to be envious.
They are not happy. They are rich. And sure, certain things are easier for them but happiness ain't it.
And if it makes people happy to throw their weight around then I guess that's what they should do. But oftentimes it makes them just look ridiculous.
Keep doing what you are doing. You're great at it!
At least most of the times;-)
Happy new year!
Eric Harle
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You're no wimp. You spoke up for yourself, and then correctly sensed that letting things escalate with a blue-collar hothead could result in a fat lip, or worse. Did he win? Well, you're the world traveler and he's the driver, so I don't think so. It's a like rude waiter. All you can do is stiff him on the tip and tell the manager and get on with your life. As for the assets, or lack thereof, would you trade jobs with any of your buddies at Aspen? It's not a lack of assertiveness, you just took a different route.
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Very personal Bob. Good one.
Benjamin Hunter
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Great writing, Bob. Really resonates.
Happy New Year to you.
Joe Swift
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Screw that. Save your bullets for when you *really* need them.
Good for you for holding it together.
(Can't say I would have been able to hold off though...)
Happy new year, Bob!
Josh Nelson
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Wow. Very interesting observance. Cultural? Maturity of reaction? You are east coast morphed west coast, therefore, maybe you would have dealt with it differently here? LA/CALI, more crazies there? More accepting and laid back than the east coast? Maybe age related decision - wisdom superseding argument over small stuff. If you'd reacted differently in this country, you could have jeopardized safety of all...don't think you whimped out but definitely think the driver should be reported, you should receive a refund, and this guy should not be making a living driving..he's too volatile, lacks the requisite communication skills, as well as the cognitive and logical abilities to be doing it...I won't drive on the highway in LA even though I've been going there for over 20 years - it's too complicated..
Patti Jones
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First off, happy new year, Bob.
Second, thanks for sharing this. I have always admired your transparency, and sharing things that most wouldn't have the courage to.
You have no idea how deeply this piece spoke to me. Thank you (I think).
I believe you did the right thing. In the big scheme of things, this was unimportant. You took the high road and probably saved yourself a stroke. What I have learned, however, is to call things quickly - and when I encounter situations or people like this, get out of them quickly - and get out. Literally. There would have been another Uber to get you within minutes, especially in LA. There are times in business and personal dealings when I find myself entangled in very similar situations and I have a choice to endure, or not. As I near 60, I choose to not endure...to call it, to be vocal and factual about it, but expecting little, and exiting on my terms.
You did the right thing. And, it's clear to me, you're ok. In the big scheme of things. Thanks again for sharing.
Be well.
Alex Lopez Negrete
PS: I hope you did report this f*****g a*****e to Uber. He gives them and his trade a bad name. And, you are probably doing him a favor.
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Reminds me of the part in Grace Jones' autobiography where Tina Turner gets the part of the Acid Queen, and Grace doesn't: "There was always someone in the way until I worked out how to make myself the one who was in the way of others."
Buffy Visick
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Do a property swap with someone in New York when the weather warms up. You WILL get over it.
Robert Bond
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I'm also 62. This story really hit home for me. I'm a university graduate (dean's list) with an honors degree in music. But I never had a career in music. I tried to. For awhile. But I lacked the confidence. Introverted by nature, performing didn't seem to be in the cards for me. I wanted to be a songwriter. But a songwriter like in the old days -- I wanted to go to work in the Brill building and have Frank Sinatra and Aretha record my songs. And I tired, off and on, for the next 40 years. I won some songwriting awards, got a few covers of my songs, even a publishing deal, but it never amounted to much. I always expected one thing would lead to another and my career would gain some momentum. It never did. So, I worked as a hospital lab technician. Now, I'm retired. I'm still writing songs, still sending them out there, still trying. In my half-assed way. Like I've done my whole damn life.
Happy new year, Bob!
Best regards,
Steve Hardy
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I feel your pain. My parents did not hesitate to "get in people's faces" when they thought they were being shafted or ignored. Sometimes those confrontations got heated. A couple of times they ended up in court, like when Mom and Dad wanted the right to view my scores in a 3rd grade achievement test and the school board thought differently.
At first I was proud that my folks "took no shit" and were willing to "stick it to the man", but as time passed, and "the man" was often a parent to one of my friends in our small town, I became embarrassed.
In my quest to not be like my parents I went the opposite direction. I stayed quiet and got along. I didn't rock the boat.
But at age 57, like you I can now look back and see that there were times in my life where I needed to disagree, speak up and call someone out but didn't.
Those lessons we learn as kids stick tight and are hard to shed. The sad truth is that when future situations arise where speaking up might not only be acceptable but necessary I still can't promise that the old ingrained lessons of my youth won't kick in, leaving me looking in the rear view mirror at yet another instance of "should I have said something?"
Cheers, from a fellow traveler on the lifelong road of self examination.
Jim Blaney
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In my humble opinion, you should call Uber and report the driver. He has no business of lighting into you the way he did, especially considering the mistakes he made taking you and Felice home. Uber's CEO Travis Kalanick wouldn't stand for that behavior if he were a passenger; why should you? I'd make the call!
Happy new year, and hope 2016 is both a productive and prosperous year for you.
Live richly,
Aaron Koral
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I sometimes feel that way too, Bob. More in relation to "playing the game" at the office. I've fucked over a few times by people in the office playing politics. These are the assholes who get ahead by stepping on others and don't give a shit. I've never been that way; never been ambitious enough, I guess. Why? Well, I've been known to cut off my nose to spite my face in the past. But really the answer is, I couldn't sleep at night. Could you? I'm betting you couldn't. You're a nice guy, it's not a crime.
Amy Primeaux
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You know the expression grow a pair of balls? Sure, we all do. But I think the saying is misused. Balls are quite sensitive. Even the softest hit hurts. So if you want to be tough, grow a vagina. The good ones can take a pounding and enjoy it.
I used to enjoy the fight, not anymore. Now I prefer the backseat where I still can defend myself without the pointless arguments.
You needed to get home right? And you did. If he took too long or charged too much, Uber has a button that allows you to complain in anonymity. And so you'll get home safely, pay the right fare, have lost a bit of time, but won't get shot by some crazy independent contractor that's had absolutely zero background check for gun ownership or anger management.
Mark Dorfman
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I'm having a hard time understanding why you want more out of life. It seems to me you have it pretty good. You get to do a job (it seems) you like, you get to go to cool places, you have love in your life, and you get to hang with intelligent people. The people I know who are uber-rich don't ever sit back and enjoy what they have; they're always nervous about losing it and about the next person higher.
You do realize you're having a life crisis over a stupid limo ride gone wrong, correct? Doesn't that seem a little fucked up?
In my worldview, complaining is for wimps. I'm sure I have fewer assets than you and I LOVE my life. I get to do some of what I want and I have lots of people who care about me and I have tons of fun. And complaining is reserved for when I'm in true physical pain and something needs to be done about it. Otherwise my cup is very full even when I don't get my way. And I'm not a simpleton, nor can my optimistic attitude simply be explained away by the fact that I live in flyover land. I've just made a conscious decision to be happy and experience joy whenever it comes anywhere near my orbit. You might think about trying it sometime, although then it might be hard to find things to write about. But, I can tell you from observation of multitudes of unhappy, striving people (most of whom have an exponentially larger net worth than me), my way is pretty damn nice in comparison.
It seems as though you find your happiness when you're surrounded by bright people. Do more of that!
Jenny McCourt
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.......great entry bob.........we all are born with a disposition that is genetically hard-wired to us........we can move the needle through need and experience, but we essentially are who we are.......you can't paint with such a large brush, and while it sounds cliche, YOU are the only YOU.......best in 2016 and beyond!............
Tommy Allen
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" pinball machine of b.s." What a great line.
Ironic that there's so much bullshit in America and we can't even say the word.
Mark Moffatt
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Happy New Year. Me too. So what? Had our life been that bad? I think being nice and letting it go has probably cost me around $1,000,000 in earnings and I am not throwing that number out but just putting pen to paper and tallying the costs of being walked over. Once again, so what? I have a lot of friends, a decent lifestyle and a family. I won. So many unhappy assholes.
Michael Becker
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I have no idea how Uber works. I refuse to use it because it is not about sharing, it's about gaming the system for the founders and investors ( don't ask me what I think of Airbnb- sharing? No, it's renting out a room. Sharing is free)
But I understand that uber costs less than regular limos and cabs, and offers greater availability so...
That said, I live in a neighborhood where cabs don't go- well they do come here now that there are the green outer borough cabs. So we have always had dial cars aka car services. These are about one third the cost of yellow or green cabs. Why take über if I can use my local service? But many of the drivers barely speak English and have no idea what is below 125th street. Drivers who can't figure out how to get to 57th street!! It's not even amusing. It's beyond annoying even though it's really cheap.
Since it's a cash ride- when my drivers behave like your driver, I get out and don't pay. Of course being female they are less likely to attack me, but you never know.
I've done it in yellow cabs too- not pay! only once did the driver lock the door on me so I bit him- that was 30 + years ago, I doubt I would do that now.
Since I imagine you charge the rides with Uber, I'd put a hold with the credit card company on the ride.
And next time, first thing you say when you get in is how you'd like to go. In NYC these days most of the drivers ask how you'd like to go since they don't want problems with all of us NYC control freaks
Though I do not see the value of yelling at these drivers, their lack of service and knowledge infuriates me too-hence the no payment.
Money talks, if reason and politeness doesn't. But biting that driver - on his hand- was probably the best thing I ever did with a rotten driver. Though I was afraid for weeks Id get some disease
Regards
Amy Krakow
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The way I see it, Bob, there are moments. Moments where you, and you alone, can turn the tide in your life - not anyone else's. That won't be the last one. But I encourage you the next time one comes along, just once, do it. Stand up in it and push back. So you don't go the whole run without having done it at least once.
Chris Gilbreath
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Forget about it? Are you fucking kidding me?
Do you really want someone else to go through this? It sounds like this guy was completely out of order, out of control, and should be out of a job. It's not revenge. It's accountability.
Do you have other experiences with this limo company? Will you ever use or recommend them again? Is it fair to the owner to not give him a heads up and a chance to make it right?
If I were his employer I would want to know about this… would not want to risk my business and good will by having this goon on the loose… and I would make amends.
Bob, you must have been shaking. I would have been. It's not fear, it's adrenaline, and I know that awful feeling. Your body is telling you to hit the guy or run. Your brain is telling you neither is appropriate. Your brain is right but your body doesn't know it.
Call Uber? He's lucky you didn't call the fucking police. I think if it were me I would have gotten out of the car and called Uber. But in the actual moment, who knows.
I hope you didn't tip him!
Rob Falk
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Dear Bob
I have a feeling that you're going to hear a lot of this: "pick your battles".
What do we gain by challenging people who are volatile? I can tell you from experience. Standing up for yourself can take many forms. Fight back with your fists and you may feel good for proving to yourself that you're not a wimp, but in the long run you'll gain nothing but a feeling of shame for having let yourself get lured into that pit.
Taking in the bigger picture, it's the work of a lifetime. In places where you can apply patience and respect, bring that to the table. You already do. Aren't you counting that? You have already been changing the world, one small exchange at a time. Applying kindness and a firm application of reason. If someone is endangering you, get out of the car. Enjoy the wind in your hair.
Your fan,
Kristina Stykos
- totally rocking my rags in Vermont and taking shit from nobody
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Happy New Year! I enjoy reading your letters, the stories, the comparisons, the questions you ask - and you sure ask good questions!
About the GPS- I do not wanna add or take your driver's credibility, I'm not saying who's wrong or right; you can buy standard GPS pretty much anywhere but then you can get an upgrade for a delivery truck, or a 5-ton truck or a semi truck or a bus and I'm sure they have one for a limo too. They all have certain settings that will customize the driving directions to your vehicle and/or exclude certain routes because you can't fit...
Now, missing a destination is inexcusable, an address is an address, but his GPS may have been setup to always park with passenger side at a destination... That would take him via a slightly different route than you'd take in your car.
But then GPS without our basic common sense is pretty useless too...
Thank you, all the best.
Martin Jordanov
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Bob, it's the last weekend before we all have to go back to work after New Years. Pour some bubbly. This is too dark!
Love ya!
Thomas Moore
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"Don't start it, but if it comes to you don't step back". Easy to say but harder to live by and a great mantra cos there's only 2 camps and YOU know where you stand.
So much about what you blog about is captured in those words. Be honest with yourself and be strong enough to be you!
Cheers
Pete Moses
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Bob, can so relate to this..... This is gonna have my head working overtime, but thank you for writing it.
My problem with this issue is: if I do win, on behalf of someone else, I'm plagued by enormous guilt. It simply robs me of the joy.
But is the feeling of inadequacy better?.. Depends on the situation I guess, it's a new struggle every time. But we can do it!!! :)
All the best and a happy new year,
Simon.
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This hit home. And it will for a lot of people though I doubt many will admit it. It is this kind of stuff that makes me read you every damn day even when you go through one of those two or three week periods where I start asking "what's the point?"
And then I get something like this in my inbox an i am reminded why i read you every damn day.
Thanks.
Bill Evans
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You've HAVE gone your own way, and you are an inspiration to thousands of people. You make your living doing what you love to do. He's made a series of bad decisions to be driving a limo on New Year's Eve, and he knows it. You're the better man, not hitting him. You've evolved. He's still living in darkness.
Thanks,
Jason Charles Miller
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Interesting story. I can relate. In brief, here's what I've discovered.
It's okay to let a lot of stuff slide. Small minds sweat the small stuff. Drama queens love drama.
On the other hand, only let stuff slide if you're genuinely okay with it. if you're not, don't do it. It'll haunt you, make you feel bad.
Pick your fights carefully.
Don't over-react (we're back to not sweating the small stuff).
The good news is - when you say 'no' clearly (not loudly or aggressively) you send out an energy that makes it work. It took me a while to learn/understand this. It's very liberating.
Barry McCabe
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you've done the right thing - 100%.
Just imagine how you would've sounded like if you had reported him, if he had gotten some kind of punishment. What then? You would've been right and could've grinned a big grin and what, felt good about yourself? Surely not.
But you are right, that's what society and that's what humans are about: getting ahead of others, fighting for the biggest chunk, being right all the time.
I guess my conclusion would be: If Uber can't hire qualified people (and we know their business is hiring whoever wants to, which is crazy, really), I wouldn't drive Uber.
Have a great 2016 and stay healthy.
Tobi Friedrich
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Yup, forget about it. Pick your battles. What do you gain by beating a fellow human being with more problems than you can ever imagine? If you'd engaged this guy and soundly defeated him (verbally or physically), it would have been a hollow victory over a competitor who wasn't in your league.
More importantly, let's go skiing! See you in less than a month "Best Bro"!
Stuart Milsten
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Subscribing to you email has been the best Christmas preset ever.
James Stewart
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Report the ass. Obviously he's been bullying his way around customers too long. His business is customer satisfaction based. You were the customer. You were paying. You deserve quality service regardless of the balance in your bank account.
Gina Hughes
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Awesome! Fight it!
Let him be at war but you should just keep a calm voice and ask the next punk those claims but ask them as questions, to HIM! No one can blame a question. Imagine asking a guy like that, "Who's paying you to operate the car? Why not shut the fuck up, operate the car and ill worry about dictating to you where to go, if you can even handle that?
Anyway Happy New Year Bob! Love the Emails!
Jonathan Mariande
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The driver sounds like a TOTAL jerk and I'm glad you got home safe and in one piece!!!
katie bradford
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I've seen enough spy movies to know that when your limo driver is going the wrong way, you're being kidnapped. Then, when you call him on it, the doors will lock, the glass partition will slide shut, and poisonous gas (or, if you're lucky, tranquilizer mist) will start pouring in.
You may look like Goodwill dressed you, but--if it makes you feel any better about yourself--clearly what's in your mind is valuable. Which is why they grabbed you.
Hope that answers your question.
Danny Biederman
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Dude, that guy was clearly PSYCHO as well as INCOMPETENT.
You were his hostage. You actually did the smartest, safest thing. Look at Sandra Bland: she spoke up, she knew her rights, but she's dead.
I'M WITH YOU, BOB.
_______________________________
Report his ass. Protect the talent (YOU). Make sure that psycho never bullies anyone again. But under the circumstances, in the immediacy of those moments, you were WISE. Dude, you're ALIVE!!!
Peace and Happy New Year, Bob!
Alicia Echison
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Blessed are the feet of the peacemakers
Michael K. Clifford
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After living most of my life pretty much in the vein you describe, always the bridge builder, ever giving yet more benefit of the doubt... I have concluded that sometimes/usually it's actually better for everyone to simply STOP people.
Using TRUTH. In slowly escalating intensity, well, actually they usually only get a couple additional passes as I allow my patience to ebb, then I have NO problem going to fucking nuclear fast.
Doesn't happen often but when it does and I question myself later invariably I realize that's the ONLY way SOME people get it. And guess what, oddly enough they usually back right down and it even seems with a certain respect.
Perhaps that's what your father may have discovered?
People WILL run over us if we let them, and those same people typically respect hard core POWER unleashed, not that they are intimidated, though likely some are.
Bullies need a beatdown sometimes, when they have it coming and diplomacy fails - GIVE IT TO THEM, Bob!
And if you're like me, even if it has no effect...it sure does feel better than getting railroaded!
Hey wouldn't hurt to try it next time, make it your own social experiment... DG
dggworldwide
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Jeez. No, Bob. You haven't. You're a winner, you've followed your heart and your art and your sensitivity has gotten you into all kinds of trouble a lot of times but a helluva lot more times it's saved you, and won you friends and admirers and respect all over the place.
And you can live with yourself in a way a lot of people can't.
Sorry your year got off to this kind of start - but don't let the bastards get you down.
Have a great one.
A fan,
Nick Davis
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Do the next guy a favor and report his fucking ass. You should be entitled to a refund.
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Perhaps it's time for you to move to Canada? We still say please and thank you here :)
And you can succeed financially while retaining your integrity (although maybe not in the music biz).
I've enjoyed your newsletter and hope that you can still find the financial success you're looking for. It's not just for the bad guys!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so regularly. Always interesting.
Harvey Beck
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I hear ya Bob...
You tell it like it is.
Not sure I have anything else to add...
but sometimes you can't win.
The other side is too dumb, too ignorant to question their own choices...
Once you step into their sandbox... you've lost.
And unfortunately, there is no way to make absolutely sure that you won't step into their sandbox.
Let's both just be happy you made it home alive!
Happy New Year my friend!
Brian Forbes
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This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you.
Roem Baur
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Maybe a do-over would have yielded the millions you often reference. But it most likely would have also prevented you from developing your unique talent for introspection and articulation.
We are all much better off with the more reflective, insightful Bob of modest means.
Scott Kauffman
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I want to wish you a wonderful 2016. I always appreciate it when I open up my emails on the iPhone and I see your name with the "unread dot" beside it.
I too am 62, born in 1953, and I know, based upon your sentiments and your attitudes and your convictions, that we share similarities that must be attributable to the great era that we grew up in. Speaking of dad's, my father was the kind of guy to "point out" my grammatical errors. In my previous sentence, I deliberately opted to say "we grew up in" instead of my dad's version (the correct one) "in which we grew up". It simply doesn't matter enough to me to be THAT precise in language. I enjoyed hearing about your dad, and I could picture him. My dad was a one of a kind CPA turned management consultant with a competitive streak second to none.
I resented his ways back then - I miss him very much now that he has gone. I have resorted to emulating his behaviors. They are very much engrained in my DNA.
Enough ramble, just wanted to say hi and thanks!
Dave
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…"everything's momentary in our society, it's a pinball machine of bullshit"…Excellent! Even when I don't agree with you, I always appreciate you…Happy New Year, and thanks.
Doug Kahan
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Holy shit, Bob. This is so fantastic and I relate to it so much. Coming from a passive dad, but also a man of common courtesy, this dilemma rings true for me as well. When to give firm boundaries, and when to hold a mindful, open heart when dealing with aggro assholes.
Food for pondering, and I appreciate the vulnerability that you share per usual. Happy New Year, sir.
Kevin Berntson
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The story from "Cordle to Onion to Carrot" by Robert Sheckley explains your angst quite well. You can find it in his collection "Can you feel anything when I do this?". The gist of it is that some people are nice pearly onions, and some people are carrots, they like to create trouble. An onion is nice because they want to, not because they cannot get nasty. But it does take both onions and carrots to make the stew!
Best,
Ramchand Burra
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I would have Lit into him!! There is no excuse for his attitude. EVERY GPS will screw you at one time or another, and, YOU know how to get to your home better than anyone. He should have accepted your suggestions graciously and listened to you.
P.S. I DRIVE an Entertainer Coach for a living and we HAVE to know where we are going "or else" we will be looking for another occupation..FAST.
Ron Jones
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People can't help themselves we're mechanical, the bigger picture is that everything is like a clock - roses bloom on cue, dogs bark on cue and people are angry or emotional ...on cue. If there is wisdom to acquire it's being compassionate with the driver who loses his shit, who indeed might be a psycho. The truth isn't that the rich have it better because they don't stand for it, it's that if you really want to be a Free Man In Paris if you really want to be unfettered and alive then you know the pointlessness of freaking back on some poor sap who ultimately is no different than you in how mechanically he goes about being upset moment to moment.
bob
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You are a great writer that deserves much more than you have gotten but you are one of the only few voices I value!
Ken Seider
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A bullet doesn't care if your rich or poor or black or white or Jewish or Muslim! The guy was a psycho asshole! Don't second guess what you did! You were smart and got to live another day! You have it good! A lot of rich people are very unhappy. In the grand scheme of things you will forget this ! Enjoy your life! Fuck everybody but you cannot be reckless and endanger your life or family! Your not a wimp!
You are intelligent! Isn't it nice you get to do what you love! You have the world by the balls so now go write more as we are waiting for it! If you love what you do than you are rich! You got it made! Take care and happy New Years !
Regards,
Jac Berman
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Yeah -- you had every right to assert yourself with the Uber driver, Bob. Maybe next time?
Michael Philip Kaufman
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I'm a limo driver and am around other drivers constantly. Most are chill and fine - you need to be to live in traffic. Yours was an outlier and acted like a psycho. He may have just gotten beat up by an entitled passenger and was taking it out on you but no excuse. If it's a large company i'd report him as aa driver who was stubborn with a scary short fuse. And say "don't send that driver again". If it's some small company is let it slide and never use them again.
Limo driver rule #1 is ask the passenger if they have a route preference.
Michael Olsen
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Your Mom would be proud of you. That's enough.
Hank Barry
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Happy New year.
Sorry to hear it started off with such non sense . I Wish you had video taped it.
Then taken the time to out and make a short film of it by adding some production value behind it. Make it a small movie with you narrating over it for shits and giggles.
Then somehow get it to him so he could see how it all really played out. And what a fool he sounds like.
That would have been some fun.
Thanks for the emails. They are always a fun read.
Regards.
Tony Lazzara
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You only have so many fights in you. Pick yours carefully. Not every transgression is worth a fight. After 20 years of trial work, most of mine are used up. Just a different point of view.
Michael Busch
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Sitting in a similar situation now. Just found out that my high school friend is a CEO and I am a schlub whose wife lit into because I let myself get pushed around by my selfish relatives.
Avoiding conflict and taking one for the team got me this crap pie.
TJ
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I'd make sure his ass was fired. He's not that way just with you, he's that way with everyone.
Sally Stevens
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Ignoring the larger picture — the driver's a psycho and he knows where you live. And where Felice lives. You were right not to escalate.
Greg Conniff
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You hit a nerve there, Bob. This year, or more correctly, a year ago last summer, two of my relatives jacked 90% of my inheritance.Neither were in dire financial straits; one's a retired high-school guidance counselor, married to a stockbroker, (also retired; they live on Lake Wylie, SC) who inherited from the sale of her late father's multi-thousand acre Indiana farm, the other, a former bank VP who later ran a liquor store for 20 years, with his late wife who left him several millions from the logistics business she built after she retired from a lucrative career with Stella Cheeses.
Both of them acted like I should be grateful to them for the ten percent of what my mom had insisted for decades should all go to me, her (formerly) sole heir, a little under a quarter mil, the majority of which was interest on my late father's death benefits. (Mom was frugal and mostly lived off Social Security; the rest, she invested with my cousin's husband) I've weighed my options, and I can prove what my uncle, the bank VP did; not so much my cousin, the guidance counselor, but in the interest of not living with a vengeful heart and a chip on my shoulder, and because my late mother would have died again from the shame, rather than the slow bone cancer that eventually took her, I shook it off. Your post caused me to re-think.
It really is only money, but what kind of message does that send? I'm not retired, I can make more money, but maybe my family should be embarrassed; they didn't all do this, though some benefited, that weren't involved. I'd hate to see my other cousins' kids end up like my uncle and cousin; maybe if Mom could see from heaven what went down, she'd be happier, if I took 'em to court and the cleaners? I guess I have to decide if I'm too focused on my career, too afraid of what others think or just too big a pussy to enforce my mother's dying wishes.
You shoulda reported that jackanapes driver; if you don't, you're just inflicting him on someone else.
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You skipped a grade too? I skipped first grade...
Toby Mamis
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If I were a dickhead billionaire sociopath like Trump I'd have done the opposite...but fuck Trump.
Happy New Year buddy,
Aron Gibson
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The simple and beautiful idea of "customer service" is almost completely gone in the U.S. , it's sad.
pschase
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I forwarded this to my wife, Bob, and if my son was old enough, I'd send it to him, too. Great, thought-provoking piece. Happy new year otherwise. ;) -E
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Lesson? Stay home on New Year's Eve and make beef fondue and a nice bottle of cab and light a fire. Avoid amateur night. 62 is old enough not to see anyone you don't love on New Years.
Thomas Geimer
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Report the douche. He was probably hung over . . . too much bourbon and coke (cocaine) the night before.
Or he was a tweeker. I have noticed that tweekers can make electronics go haywire. I actually have a rule about that after having seen it so many times. Do not let tweekers near the electronics!
The human electrical system circulates in a clockwise manner. Tweekers get their electrical system running backwards. Or as the Brits say, "anti-clockwise'.
Your chauffeur seems to have been exceedingly anti-clockwise.
Reporting him is the right thing to do so as to protect others from having to suffer as you were gracious enough to do.
Happy New Year Bob! Go forth in Peace!
Kieron Kevin McKindle
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Know that feeling. Sounds like your better instincts called for not escalating the situation.
Trying to decipher someone's mental status on the fly is difficult.
You know he knows where you live which can be a disadvantage if dealing with a true whack job.
Hmmm, maybe a John Wayne respond might have been more appropriate. I love L.A. ;)
All the best in the New Year,
G.Robey
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Awesome, write up, Bob. Having lived in NY for 10 years, I've had some pretty heated times with cab drivers while also successfully diffusing the situation or making them feel bad about their ways but making up a story to create empathy. But each driver is their own nervous system of emotions, fears, thoughts, ego, culture and they all react differently. Some forget it's a service job and instead their car is their own universe where you have to see the world they do or they have the right to yell like a crazy shop keeper.
Like you said about your dad, he knew when to fold them. There's a point where you have to give up on people and understand where they peak and in which departments. And that's when you get out of the car, and do a new Uber, just as long as you can get off the highway. Though if it's cold and rainy and you have luggage, that might sometimes seem tougher than handling a crazy, unskilled driver.
In other news, I've noticed a rise in the amount of drivers who tell me, "I'm going to give you 5 stars," when they drop me off, hoping for me to do the same in return. For the longest time, I didn't know they were rating the riders, though it makes sense.
House of Cards play. What would Kevin Spacey's character do in your situation? I imagine he'd say something to the driver like this: "Listen, this ride hasn't been the peachiest, but you still have the ability to get 5 stars if you turn off that GPS. If you don't, I'll report you and you can find a new job." Though, you might not even have to say the last part.
-Dax
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Been there. Many times. Most sayings are based on fact. When they say someone has big balls, they really have big balls. If you're balls are physically big, that's half the battle right there. You're predestined for a certain level of respect. Your balls lead the way and evryone knows it.
I haven't heard "schlepper" in a long time. My father used it a lot, along with "gonif" or "ganev". He used them both as thief or robber. Everyone knows schlep means to lift, carry or take. Lift and take can be applied to a thief.
My father grew up in Dorchester at a time when there was still a large Jewish community. He also worked in the textile industry. That made him an honorary jew.
Cheers,
Tom Quinn
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report him, twice. oldbob
rwhake
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God, that is uncanny. You've tapped into my psyche. Same issue different circumstances. The trouble with really reasonable people. We let a lot of stuff slide because we don't want to make trouble. Can nice guys win and get what they want, or do you have to be an asshole? I guess I just have to remember to stand up for myself. If I'm really put off and pissed, I need make a big deal about it because it means the other guy is way out of line...cause I'm so damn reasonable.
John Brodey
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Guy was probably getting a Time + Mileage pay. It's typical of Driver jobs these days.
I feel you, though, on the mental gymnastics one goes through in those situations.
It wasn't until it was explained to me that I am an imposing physical presence, despite not seeing that in myself, that I understood why some people thought I was yelling at them. I'm not buffed out by any stretch of the imagination, simply height weight proportionate in this day of extreme Body Mass Indexes.
An articulate person with command of language during a heated or emotional exchange will appear to be more forceful in my opinion.
More simply, your words were better than his words.
Thanks for the daily missives, You have helped me to identify the areas I was frustrated with and by during my tenure in the biz.
Regards Allen (Alien) Craft retired road dog.
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Be careful. I never have any of these drivers drop me off at my exact house. Always blocks away so they don't know where you live.
Danny Jay
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Bob, be yourself.
Don't put energy into the driver. He will have to fight his fight tomorrow again...
And don't worry about the rich...
How much life have you got left?
Let it go, as your gut told you.
The rich are only a reason for you to be envious.
They are not happy. They are rich. And sure, certain things are easier for them but happiness ain't it.
And if it makes people happy to throw their weight around then I guess that's what they should do. But oftentimes it makes them just look ridiculous.
Keep doing what you are doing. You're great at it!
At least most of the times;-)
Happy new year!
Eric Harle
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You're no wimp. You spoke up for yourself, and then correctly sensed that letting things escalate with a blue-collar hothead could result in a fat lip, or worse. Did he win? Well, you're the world traveler and he's the driver, so I don't think so. It's a like rude waiter. All you can do is stiff him on the tip and tell the manager and get on with your life. As for the assets, or lack thereof, would you trade jobs with any of your buddies at Aspen? It's not a lack of assertiveness, you just took a different route.
_______________________________
Very personal Bob. Good one.
Benjamin Hunter
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Great writing, Bob. Really resonates.
Happy New Year to you.
Joe Swift
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Screw that. Save your bullets for when you *really* need them.
Good for you for holding it together.
(Can't say I would have been able to hold off though...)
Happy new year, Bob!
Josh Nelson
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Wow. Very interesting observance. Cultural? Maturity of reaction? You are east coast morphed west coast, therefore, maybe you would have dealt with it differently here? LA/CALI, more crazies there? More accepting and laid back than the east coast? Maybe age related decision - wisdom superseding argument over small stuff. If you'd reacted differently in this country, you could have jeopardized safety of all...don't think you whimped out but definitely think the driver should be reported, you should receive a refund, and this guy should not be making a living driving..he's too volatile, lacks the requisite communication skills, as well as the cognitive and logical abilities to be doing it...I won't drive on the highway in LA even though I've been going there for over 20 years - it's too complicated..
Patti Jones
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First off, happy new year, Bob.
Second, thanks for sharing this. I have always admired your transparency, and sharing things that most wouldn't have the courage to.
You have no idea how deeply this piece spoke to me. Thank you (I think).
I believe you did the right thing. In the big scheme of things, this was unimportant. You took the high road and probably saved yourself a stroke. What I have learned, however, is to call things quickly - and when I encounter situations or people like this, get out of them quickly - and get out. Literally. There would have been another Uber to get you within minutes, especially in LA. There are times in business and personal dealings when I find myself entangled in very similar situations and I have a choice to endure, or not. As I near 60, I choose to not endure...to call it, to be vocal and factual about it, but expecting little, and exiting on my terms.
You did the right thing. And, it's clear to me, you're ok. In the big scheme of things. Thanks again for sharing.
Be well.
Alex Lopez Negrete
PS: I hope you did report this f*****g a*****e to Uber. He gives them and his trade a bad name. And, you are probably doing him a favor.
_______________________________
Reminds me of the part in Grace Jones' autobiography where Tina Turner gets the part of the Acid Queen, and Grace doesn't: "There was always someone in the way until I worked out how to make myself the one who was in the way of others."
Buffy Visick
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Do a property swap with someone in New York when the weather warms up. You WILL get over it.
Robert Bond
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I'm also 62. This story really hit home for me. I'm a university graduate (dean's list) with an honors degree in music. But I never had a career in music. I tried to. For awhile. But I lacked the confidence. Introverted by nature, performing didn't seem to be in the cards for me. I wanted to be a songwriter. But a songwriter like in the old days -- I wanted to go to work in the Brill building and have Frank Sinatra and Aretha record my songs. And I tired, off and on, for the next 40 years. I won some songwriting awards, got a few covers of my songs, even a publishing deal, but it never amounted to much. I always expected one thing would lead to another and my career would gain some momentum. It never did. So, I worked as a hospital lab technician. Now, I'm retired. I'm still writing songs, still sending them out there, still trying. In my half-assed way. Like I've done my whole damn life.
Happy new year, Bob!
Best regards,
Steve Hardy
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I feel your pain. My parents did not hesitate to "get in people's faces" when they thought they were being shafted or ignored. Sometimes those confrontations got heated. A couple of times they ended up in court, like when Mom and Dad wanted the right to view my scores in a 3rd grade achievement test and the school board thought differently.
At first I was proud that my folks "took no shit" and were willing to "stick it to the man", but as time passed, and "the man" was often a parent to one of my friends in our small town, I became embarrassed.
In my quest to not be like my parents I went the opposite direction. I stayed quiet and got along. I didn't rock the boat.
But at age 57, like you I can now look back and see that there were times in my life where I needed to disagree, speak up and call someone out but didn't.
Those lessons we learn as kids stick tight and are hard to shed. The sad truth is that when future situations arise where speaking up might not only be acceptable but necessary I still can't promise that the old ingrained lessons of my youth won't kick in, leaving me looking in the rear view mirror at yet another instance of "should I have said something?"
Cheers, from a fellow traveler on the lifelong road of self examination.
Jim Blaney
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In my humble opinion, you should call Uber and report the driver. He has no business of lighting into you the way he did, especially considering the mistakes he made taking you and Felice home. Uber's CEO Travis Kalanick wouldn't stand for that behavior if he were a passenger; why should you? I'd make the call!
Happy new year, and hope 2016 is both a productive and prosperous year for you.
Live richly,
Aaron Koral
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I sometimes feel that way too, Bob. More in relation to "playing the game" at the office. I've fucked over a few times by people in the office playing politics. These are the assholes who get ahead by stepping on others and don't give a shit. I've never been that way; never been ambitious enough, I guess. Why? Well, I've been known to cut off my nose to spite my face in the past. But really the answer is, I couldn't sleep at night. Could you? I'm betting you couldn't. You're a nice guy, it's not a crime.
Amy Primeaux
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You know the expression grow a pair of balls? Sure, we all do. But I think the saying is misused. Balls are quite sensitive. Even the softest hit hurts. So if you want to be tough, grow a vagina. The good ones can take a pounding and enjoy it.
I used to enjoy the fight, not anymore. Now I prefer the backseat where I still can defend myself without the pointless arguments.
You needed to get home right? And you did. If he took too long or charged too much, Uber has a button that allows you to complain in anonymity. And so you'll get home safely, pay the right fare, have lost a bit of time, but won't get shot by some crazy independent contractor that's had absolutely zero background check for gun ownership or anger management.
Mark Dorfman
_______________________________
I'm having a hard time understanding why you want more out of life. It seems to me you have it pretty good. You get to do a job (it seems) you like, you get to go to cool places, you have love in your life, and you get to hang with intelligent people. The people I know who are uber-rich don't ever sit back and enjoy what they have; they're always nervous about losing it and about the next person higher.
You do realize you're having a life crisis over a stupid limo ride gone wrong, correct? Doesn't that seem a little fucked up?
In my worldview, complaining is for wimps. I'm sure I have fewer assets than you and I LOVE my life. I get to do some of what I want and I have lots of people who care about me and I have tons of fun. And complaining is reserved for when I'm in true physical pain and something needs to be done about it. Otherwise my cup is very full even when I don't get my way. And I'm not a simpleton, nor can my optimistic attitude simply be explained away by the fact that I live in flyover land. I've just made a conscious decision to be happy and experience joy whenever it comes anywhere near my orbit. You might think about trying it sometime, although then it might be hard to find things to write about. But, I can tell you from observation of multitudes of unhappy, striving people (most of whom have an exponentially larger net worth than me), my way is pretty damn nice in comparison.
It seems as though you find your happiness when you're surrounded by bright people. Do more of that!
Jenny McCourt
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.......great entry bob.........we all are born with a disposition that is genetically hard-wired to us........we can move the needle through need and experience, but we essentially are who we are.......you can't paint with such a large brush, and while it sounds cliche, YOU are the only YOU.......best in 2016 and beyond!............
Tommy Allen
_______________________________
" pinball machine of b.s." What a great line.
Ironic that there's so much bullshit in America and we can't even say the word.
Mark Moffatt
_______________________________
Happy New Year. Me too. So what? Had our life been that bad? I think being nice and letting it go has probably cost me around $1,000,000 in earnings and I am not throwing that number out but just putting pen to paper and tallying the costs of being walked over. Once again, so what? I have a lot of friends, a decent lifestyle and a family. I won. So many unhappy assholes.
Michael Becker
_______________________________
I have no idea how Uber works. I refuse to use it because it is not about sharing, it's about gaming the system for the founders and investors ( don't ask me what I think of Airbnb- sharing? No, it's renting out a room. Sharing is free)
But I understand that uber costs less than regular limos and cabs, and offers greater availability so...
That said, I live in a neighborhood where cabs don't go- well they do come here now that there are the green outer borough cabs. So we have always had dial cars aka car services. These are about one third the cost of yellow or green cabs. Why take über if I can use my local service? But many of the drivers barely speak English and have no idea what is below 125th street. Drivers who can't figure out how to get to 57th street!! It's not even amusing. It's beyond annoying even though it's really cheap.
Since it's a cash ride- when my drivers behave like your driver, I get out and don't pay. Of course being female they are less likely to attack me, but you never know.
I've done it in yellow cabs too- not pay! only once did the driver lock the door on me so I bit him- that was 30 + years ago, I doubt I would do that now.
Since I imagine you charge the rides with Uber, I'd put a hold with the credit card company on the ride.
And next time, first thing you say when you get in is how you'd like to go. In NYC these days most of the drivers ask how you'd like to go since they don't want problems with all of us NYC control freaks
Though I do not see the value of yelling at these drivers, their lack of service and knowledge infuriates me too-hence the no payment.
Money talks, if reason and politeness doesn't. But biting that driver - on his hand- was probably the best thing I ever did with a rotten driver. Though I was afraid for weeks Id get some disease
Regards
Amy Krakow
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The way I see it, Bob, there are moments. Moments where you, and you alone, can turn the tide in your life - not anyone else's. That won't be the last one. But I encourage you the next time one comes along, just once, do it. Stand up in it and push back. So you don't go the whole run without having done it at least once.
Chris Gilbreath
_______________________________
Forget about it? Are you fucking kidding me?
Do you really want someone else to go through this? It sounds like this guy was completely out of order, out of control, and should be out of a job. It's not revenge. It's accountability.
Do you have other experiences with this limo company? Will you ever use or recommend them again? Is it fair to the owner to not give him a heads up and a chance to make it right?
If I were his employer I would want to know about this… would not want to risk my business and good will by having this goon on the loose… and I would make amends.
Bob, you must have been shaking. I would have been. It's not fear, it's adrenaline, and I know that awful feeling. Your body is telling you to hit the guy or run. Your brain is telling you neither is appropriate. Your brain is right but your body doesn't know it.
Call Uber? He's lucky you didn't call the fucking police. I think if it were me I would have gotten out of the car and called Uber. But in the actual moment, who knows.
I hope you didn't tip him!
Rob Falk
_______________________________
Dear Bob
I have a feeling that you're going to hear a lot of this: "pick your battles".
What do we gain by challenging people who are volatile? I can tell you from experience. Standing up for yourself can take many forms. Fight back with your fists and you may feel good for proving to yourself that you're not a wimp, but in the long run you'll gain nothing but a feeling of shame for having let yourself get lured into that pit.
Taking in the bigger picture, it's the work of a lifetime. In places where you can apply patience and respect, bring that to the table. You already do. Aren't you counting that? You have already been changing the world, one small exchange at a time. Applying kindness and a firm application of reason. If someone is endangering you, get out of the car. Enjoy the wind in your hair.
Your fan,
Kristina Stykos
- totally rocking my rags in Vermont and taking shit from nobody
_______________________________
Happy New Year! I enjoy reading your letters, the stories, the comparisons, the questions you ask - and you sure ask good questions!
About the GPS- I do not wanna add or take your driver's credibility, I'm not saying who's wrong or right; you can buy standard GPS pretty much anywhere but then you can get an upgrade for a delivery truck, or a 5-ton truck or a semi truck or a bus and I'm sure they have one for a limo too. They all have certain settings that will customize the driving directions to your vehicle and/or exclude certain routes because you can't fit...
Now, missing a destination is inexcusable, an address is an address, but his GPS may have been setup to always park with passenger side at a destination... That would take him via a slightly different route than you'd take in your car.
But then GPS without our basic common sense is pretty useless too...
Thank you, all the best.
Martin Jordanov
_______________________________
Bob, it's the last weekend before we all have to go back to work after New Years. Pour some bubbly. This is too dark!
Love ya!
Thomas Moore
_______________________________
"Don't start it, but if it comes to you don't step back". Easy to say but harder to live by and a great mantra cos there's only 2 camps and YOU know where you stand.
So much about what you blog about is captured in those words. Be honest with yourself and be strong enough to be you!
Cheers
Pete Moses
_______________________________
Bob, can so relate to this..... This is gonna have my head working overtime, but thank you for writing it.
My problem with this issue is: if I do win, on behalf of someone else, I'm plagued by enormous guilt. It simply robs me of the joy.
But is the feeling of inadequacy better?.. Depends on the situation I guess, it's a new struggle every time. But we can do it!!! :)
All the best and a happy new year,
Simon.
_______________________________
This hit home. And it will for a lot of people though I doubt many will admit it. It is this kind of stuff that makes me read you every damn day even when you go through one of those two or three week periods where I start asking "what's the point?"
And then I get something like this in my inbox an i am reminded why i read you every damn day.
Thanks.
Bill Evans
_______________________________
You've HAVE gone your own way, and you are an inspiration to thousands of people. You make your living doing what you love to do. He's made a series of bad decisions to be driving a limo on New Year's Eve, and he knows it. You're the better man, not hitting him. You've evolved. He's still living in darkness.
Thanks,
Jason Charles Miller
_______________________________
Interesting story. I can relate. In brief, here's what I've discovered.
It's okay to let a lot of stuff slide. Small minds sweat the small stuff. Drama queens love drama.
On the other hand, only let stuff slide if you're genuinely okay with it. if you're not, don't do it. It'll haunt you, make you feel bad.
Pick your fights carefully.
Don't over-react (we're back to not sweating the small stuff).
The good news is - when you say 'no' clearly (not loudly or aggressively) you send out an energy that makes it work. It took me a while to learn/understand this. It's very liberating.
Barry McCabe
_______________________________
you've done the right thing - 100%.
Just imagine how you would've sounded like if you had reported him, if he had gotten some kind of punishment. What then? You would've been right and could've grinned a big grin and what, felt good about yourself? Surely not.
But you are right, that's what society and that's what humans are about: getting ahead of others, fighting for the biggest chunk, being right all the time.
I guess my conclusion would be: If Uber can't hire qualified people (and we know their business is hiring whoever wants to, which is crazy, really), I wouldn't drive Uber.
Have a great 2016 and stay healthy.
Tobi Friedrich
_______________________________
Yup, forget about it. Pick your battles. What do you gain by beating a fellow human being with more problems than you can ever imagine? If you'd engaged this guy and soundly defeated him (verbally or physically), it would have been a hollow victory over a competitor who wasn't in your league.
More importantly, let's go skiing! See you in less than a month "Best Bro"!
Stuart Milsten
_______________________________
Subscribing to you email has been the best Christmas preset ever.
James Stewart
_______________________________
Report the ass. Obviously he's been bullying his way around customers too long. His business is customer satisfaction based. You were the customer. You were paying. You deserve quality service regardless of the balance in your bank account.
Gina Hughes
_______________________________
Awesome! Fight it!
Let him be at war but you should just keep a calm voice and ask the next punk those claims but ask them as questions, to HIM! No one can blame a question. Imagine asking a guy like that, "Who's paying you to operate the car? Why not shut the fuck up, operate the car and ill worry about dictating to you where to go, if you can even handle that?
Anyway Happy New Year Bob! Love the Emails!
Jonathan Mariande
_______________________________
The driver sounds like a TOTAL jerk and I'm glad you got home safe and in one piece!!!
katie bradford
_______________________________
I've seen enough spy movies to know that when your limo driver is going the wrong way, you're being kidnapped. Then, when you call him on it, the doors will lock, the glass partition will slide shut, and poisonous gas (or, if you're lucky, tranquilizer mist) will start pouring in.
You may look like Goodwill dressed you, but--if it makes you feel any better about yourself--clearly what's in your mind is valuable. Which is why they grabbed you.
Hope that answers your question.
Danny Biederman
_______________________________
Dude, that guy was clearly PSYCHO as well as INCOMPETENT.
You were his hostage. You actually did the smartest, safest thing. Look at Sandra Bland: she spoke up, she knew her rights, but she's dead.
I'M WITH YOU, BOB.
_______________________________
Report his ass. Protect the talent (YOU). Make sure that psycho never bullies anyone again. But under the circumstances, in the immediacy of those moments, you were WISE. Dude, you're ALIVE!!!
Peace and Happy New Year, Bob!
Alicia Echison
_______________________________
Blessed are the feet of the peacemakers
Michael K. Clifford
_______________________________
After living most of my life pretty much in the vein you describe, always the bridge builder, ever giving yet more benefit of the doubt... I have concluded that sometimes/usually it's actually better for everyone to simply STOP people.
Using TRUTH. In slowly escalating intensity, well, actually they usually only get a couple additional passes as I allow my patience to ebb, then I have NO problem going to fucking nuclear fast.
Doesn't happen often but when it does and I question myself later invariably I realize that's the ONLY way SOME people get it. And guess what, oddly enough they usually back right down and it even seems with a certain respect.
Perhaps that's what your father may have discovered?
People WILL run over us if we let them, and those same people typically respect hard core POWER unleashed, not that they are intimidated, though likely some are.
Bullies need a beatdown sometimes, when they have it coming and diplomacy fails - GIVE IT TO THEM, Bob!
And if you're like me, even if it has no effect...it sure does feel better than getting railroaded!
Hey wouldn't hurt to try it next time, make it your own social experiment... DG
dggworldwide
_______________________________
Jeez. No, Bob. You haven't. You're a winner, you've followed your heart and your art and your sensitivity has gotten you into all kinds of trouble a lot of times but a helluva lot more times it's saved you, and won you friends and admirers and respect all over the place.
And you can live with yourself in a way a lot of people can't.
Sorry your year got off to this kind of start - but don't let the bastards get you down.
Have a great one.
A fan,
Nick Davis
_______________________________
Do the next guy a favor and report his fucking ass. You should be entitled to a refund.
_______________________________
Perhaps it's time for you to move to Canada? We still say please and thank you here :)
And you can succeed financially while retaining your integrity (although maybe not in the music biz).
I've enjoyed your newsletter and hope that you can still find the financial success you're looking for. It's not just for the bad guys!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so regularly. Always interesting.
Harvey Beck
_______________________________
I hear ya Bob...
You tell it like it is.
Not sure I have anything else to add...
but sometimes you can't win.
The other side is too dumb, too ignorant to question their own choices...
Once you step into their sandbox... you've lost.
And unfortunately, there is no way to make absolutely sure that you won't step into their sandbox.
Let's both just be happy you made it home alive!
Happy New Year my friend!
Brian Forbes
_______________________________
This is exactly what I needed to hear.
Thank you.
Roem Baur
_______________________________
Maybe a do-over would have yielded the millions you often reference. But it most likely would have also prevented you from developing your unique talent for introspection and articulation.
We are all much better off with the more reflective, insightful Bob of modest means.
Scott Kauffman
_______________________________
I want to wish you a wonderful 2016. I always appreciate it when I open up my emails on the iPhone and I see your name with the "unread dot" beside it.
I too am 62, born in 1953, and I know, based upon your sentiments and your attitudes and your convictions, that we share similarities that must be attributable to the great era that we grew up in. Speaking of dad's, my father was the kind of guy to "point out" my grammatical errors. In my previous sentence, I deliberately opted to say "we grew up in" instead of my dad's version (the correct one) "in which we grew up". It simply doesn't matter enough to me to be THAT precise in language. I enjoyed hearing about your dad, and I could picture him. My dad was a one of a kind CPA turned management consultant with a competitive streak second to none.
I resented his ways back then - I miss him very much now that he has gone. I have resorted to emulating his behaviors. They are very much engrained in my DNA.
Enough ramble, just wanted to say hi and thanks!
Dave
_______________________________
…"everything's momentary in our society, it's a pinball machine of bullshit"…Excellent! Even when I don't agree with you, I always appreciate you…Happy New Year, and thanks.
Doug Kahan
_______________________________
Holy shit, Bob. This is so fantastic and I relate to it so much. Coming from a passive dad, but also a man of common courtesy, this dilemma rings true for me as well. When to give firm boundaries, and when to hold a mindful, open heart when dealing with aggro assholes.
Food for pondering, and I appreciate the vulnerability that you share per usual. Happy New Year, sir.
Kevin Berntson
_______________________________
The story from "Cordle to Onion to Carrot" by Robert Sheckley explains your angst quite well. You can find it in his collection "Can you feel anything when I do this?". The gist of it is that some people are nice pearly onions, and some people are carrots, they like to create trouble. An onion is nice because they want to, not because they cannot get nasty. But it does take both onions and carrots to make the stew!
Best,
Ramchand Burra
_______________________________
I would have Lit into him!! There is no excuse for his attitude. EVERY GPS will screw you at one time or another, and, YOU know how to get to your home better than anyone. He should have accepted your suggestions graciously and listened to you.
P.S. I DRIVE an Entertainer Coach for a living and we HAVE to know where we are going "or else" we will be looking for another occupation..FAST.
Ron Jones
_______________________________
People can't help themselves we're mechanical, the bigger picture is that everything is like a clock - roses bloom on cue, dogs bark on cue and people are angry or emotional ...on cue. If there is wisdom to acquire it's being compassionate with the driver who loses his shit, who indeed might be a psycho. The truth isn't that the rich have it better because they don't stand for it, it's that if you really want to be a Free Man In Paris if you really want to be unfettered and alive then you know the pointlessness of freaking back on some poor sap who ultimately is no different than you in how mechanically he goes about being upset moment to moment.
bob
_______________________________
You are a great writer that deserves much more than you have gotten but you are one of the only few voices I value!
Ken Seider
_______________________________
A bullet doesn't care if your rich or poor or black or white or Jewish or Muslim! The guy was a psycho asshole! Don't second guess what you did! You were smart and got to live another day! You have it good! A lot of rich people are very unhappy. In the grand scheme of things you will forget this ! Enjoy your life! Fuck everybody but you cannot be reckless and endanger your life or family! Your not a wimp!
You are intelligent! Isn't it nice you get to do what you love! You have the world by the balls so now go write more as we are waiting for it! If you love what you do than you are rich! You got it made! Take care and happy New Years !
Regards,
Jac Berman
_______________________________
Yeah -- you had every right to assert yourself with the Uber driver, Bob. Maybe next time?
Michael Philip Kaufman
_______________________________
I'm a limo driver and am around other drivers constantly. Most are chill and fine - you need to be to live in traffic. Yours was an outlier and acted like a psycho. He may have just gotten beat up by an entitled passenger and was taking it out on you but no excuse. If it's a large company i'd report him as aa driver who was stubborn with a scary short fuse. And say "don't send that driver again". If it's some small company is let it slide and never use them again.
Limo driver rule #1 is ask the passenger if they have a route preference.
Michael Olsen
_______________________________
Your Mom would be proud of you. That's enough.
Hank Barry
_______________________________
Happy New year.
Sorry to hear it started off with such non sense . I Wish you had video taped it.
Then taken the time to out and make a short film of it by adding some production value behind it. Make it a small movie with you narrating over it for shits and giggles.
Then somehow get it to him so he could see how it all really played out. And what a fool he sounds like.
That would have been some fun.
Thanks for the emails. They are always a fun read.
Regards.
Tony Lazzara
_______________________________
You only have so many fights in you. Pick yours carefully. Not every transgression is worth a fight. After 20 years of trial work, most of mine are used up. Just a different point of view.
Michael Busch
_______________________________
Sitting in a similar situation now. Just found out that my high school friend is a CEO and I am a schlub whose wife lit into because I let myself get pushed around by my selfish relatives.
Avoiding conflict and taking one for the team got me this crap pie.
TJ
_______________________________
I'd make sure his ass was fired. He's not that way just with you, he's that way with everyone.
Sally Stevens
_______________________________
Ignoring the larger picture — the driver's a psycho and he knows where you live. And where Felice lives. You were right not to escalate.
Greg Conniff
_______________________________
You hit a nerve there, Bob. This year, or more correctly, a year ago last summer, two of my relatives jacked 90% of my inheritance.Neither were in dire financial straits; one's a retired high-school guidance counselor, married to a stockbroker, (also retired; they live on Lake Wylie, SC) who inherited from the sale of her late father's multi-thousand acre Indiana farm, the other, a former bank VP who later ran a liquor store for 20 years, with his late wife who left him several millions from the logistics business she built after she retired from a lucrative career with Stella Cheeses.
Both of them acted like I should be grateful to them for the ten percent of what my mom had insisted for decades should all go to me, her (formerly) sole heir, a little under a quarter mil, the majority of which was interest on my late father's death benefits. (Mom was frugal and mostly lived off Social Security; the rest, she invested with my cousin's husband) I've weighed my options, and I can prove what my uncle, the bank VP did; not so much my cousin, the guidance counselor, but in the interest of not living with a vengeful heart and a chip on my shoulder, and because my late mother would have died again from the shame, rather than the slow bone cancer that eventually took her, I shook it off. Your post caused me to re-think.
It really is only money, but what kind of message does that send? I'm not retired, I can make more money, but maybe my family should be embarrassed; they didn't all do this, though some benefited, that weren't involved. I'd hate to see my other cousins' kids end up like my uncle and cousin; maybe if Mom could see from heaven what went down, she'd be happier, if I took 'em to court and the cleaners? I guess I have to decide if I'm too focused on my career, too afraid of what others think or just too big a pussy to enforce my mother's dying wishes.
You shoulda reported that jackanapes driver; if you don't, you're just inflicting him on someone else.
_______________________________
You skipped a grade too? I skipped first grade...
Toby Mamis
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Friday, 1 January 2016
Driver Dilemma
What do you do when the limo driver goes the wrong way?
It was his appearance that threw me off. The schlumpy look. I know drivers are underpaid, that they buy their suits at a discount, but suits they usually wear and they do not look like they were called away from band practice and it makes me feel...
Bad about myself. Because my wardrobe looks like I got it from Goodwill.
I didn't used to be this way, my mother dressed me well. And then I went to Middlebury College in the middle of Vermont where there were no nice places to go and the rich dressed in chinos and worn-out Weejuns and if you wore nice clothes you were an outcast. Who you were inside was what counted, and if you bragged about your intelligence and achievements you were a pariah.
Oh, how the world has changed.
I'd like to say these scions of the wealthy won the game. But nobody I went to college with set the world on fire. Nobody is excoriated in the press for flaunting their wealth. And so here I am, with a bedraggled appearance and few assets, and I wonder if I played it wrong my whole damn life. And I wonder where the turning point was. Growing up in a female-dominated household? Skipping a grade? Having a renegade father who hewed to his own instincts but was never a member of the group? Or was it Middlebury College or was it all of it?
Speaking of my dad... He was all about breaking the rules. Kinda like today's techies. Which is why he managed to take a mediocre profession and turn it into a gold mine. My dad was a real estate appraiser, normally a schlepper in a bad sport coat. But my dad fancied designer duds, and he was a legend in Connecticut, I heard an attorney general say they should have paid him a million dollars to go away, because he was so damn good at his job, getting money from the state in eminent domain cases.
But as much as my dad could rant and rave, he knew when to hold 'em and he knew when to fold 'em, his policy was to be nice to the service people. To utilize a charm offensive, until that failed and he had to bring out the big guns.
So the driver was going the wrong direction on the 5. Now one of the great things about being an adult is you've got direction home, you know where you live, you know how to get there, and in L.A. it's not that complicated, until you hit the hills, but in the Valley...
Felice mentioned she'd never gone this way. Her mother said it'd been a long time since she'd been on this side of the hill. And the driver must have been a fan of Supertramp, he was gonna take the long way home.
Kinda like going from Philly to New York via Atlantic City, literally.
So, we said something, we got him to turn around.
And then he missed an exit. He went the wrong way on the 101.
What do you do?
Take over, tell him how to go.
But he was beholden to his GPS, you know the kind stuck to the windshield with a suction cup. It was descended divinely from Rand McNally and no human being could contradict it.
Until it said to make a wrong right blocks before Felice's house. We heard the clicking of the turn signal. But we didn't dare say anything, his temper had flared.
But not like it did when he passed Felice's abode.
And I was flummoxed. Don't we live in a service economy? Weren't we paying, handsomely, shouldn't he be beholden to us? And what were we asking for anyway, to go our own way? Fleetwood Mac let us, couldn't he?
But it's New Year's Day and he probably doesn't want to work but then he left Felice's in the wrong direction and I implored him to turn off his GPS. I used the magic word, "please," I did not lose my cool, I felt it was my job, to take control, I'm 62 years old, I'm an adult now, and it's finally time to grow into my shoes.
At least I thought it was, I thought I was succeeding, until he blew his top again. Going to Ginny's house. And after missing her building and having to make a U-turn upon our instruction and finally pulling into the parking area he lit into me.
Now let me tell you, I can lose my cool. I learned it from my dad. But I've had decades of psychotherapy, I can control my outbursts, if not my feelings, I can play to win. The driver accused me of yelling at him, which was untrue, and kept defending his mistakes. What to do?
Try to be nice. Ingratiate yourself. Express sympathy for having to work on a holiday.
And that's when he got in my face and told me he was right and he wasn't going to sacrifice his safety record no matter who I was and how rich I am.
Ain't that a laugh.
But he was inches from me, and my instinct was to light into him, but I thought he'd hit me, because when people get wound up there's no telling what they'll do, the law be damned.
And that's when it hit me, was I a wimp? Had it hobbled me my whole life? Had I been letting things slide in the name of getting along to my detriment? Because the big swinging dicks don't tolerate no nonsense, I've seen them in action, they're ranting and raving and having it their way and they own the damn Burger King, even though they never eat there.
Do the bullies succeed? Is craziness tolerated? Look at Trump, the press gives him a pass because he sells advertising and the public supports him because he's a billionaire, even though he's a flash in the pan who will be forgotten in months, at least when it comes to the Presidential election. But everything's momentary in our society, it's a pinball machine of b.s. Everything's trumped up and if you're not fighting for your piece you don't get none.
And so many get none. They were taught to obey the rules and look what it got them.
And those who took matters into their own hands...
And then he said he knew I was going to report him. Actually, I was gonna let it go, but Felice thought the driver was a psycho. I'm afraid he's gonna lose his job.
And then Ginny comes back from her building to argue the directions. A nonagenarian versus a punk. And he doubled-down. Why should he do otherwise? That's what all the rich and famous do, maybe he learned it from Bill O'Reilly.
Ginny asked me if I wanted to call Uber.
I figured I was invested this much, I was not that far from home.
So I sat in the back, meek, like a second-grader, even though he was supposed to be serving me. He took the wrong exit, went the wrong way, does it have to be his way?
But I didn't say a word, because I was afraid. Because I felt it was too small an event, I'd be better off just letting it slide.
But now I'm thinking I let too much slide, in the desire of getting along, I didn't fight for the big piece of chicken, I let others go first.
And now where are they and where am I?
I'm not saying I want a do-over, but if I had one I'd do things differently, because the truth is it's every man for himself and if you're not getting ahead you're being left behind, and the warfare is between us while the rich get a pass, laughing as they live a lifestyle we can't even dream about because we haven't been exposed to it.
So I'm saying to myself I'm home, I should forget about it.
But is that what I've done my whole damn life?
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It was his appearance that threw me off. The schlumpy look. I know drivers are underpaid, that they buy their suits at a discount, but suits they usually wear and they do not look like they were called away from band practice and it makes me feel...
Bad about myself. Because my wardrobe looks like I got it from Goodwill.
I didn't used to be this way, my mother dressed me well. And then I went to Middlebury College in the middle of Vermont where there were no nice places to go and the rich dressed in chinos and worn-out Weejuns and if you wore nice clothes you were an outcast. Who you were inside was what counted, and if you bragged about your intelligence and achievements you were a pariah.
Oh, how the world has changed.
I'd like to say these scions of the wealthy won the game. But nobody I went to college with set the world on fire. Nobody is excoriated in the press for flaunting their wealth. And so here I am, with a bedraggled appearance and few assets, and I wonder if I played it wrong my whole damn life. And I wonder where the turning point was. Growing up in a female-dominated household? Skipping a grade? Having a renegade father who hewed to his own instincts but was never a member of the group? Or was it Middlebury College or was it all of it?
Speaking of my dad... He was all about breaking the rules. Kinda like today's techies. Which is why he managed to take a mediocre profession and turn it into a gold mine. My dad was a real estate appraiser, normally a schlepper in a bad sport coat. But my dad fancied designer duds, and he was a legend in Connecticut, I heard an attorney general say they should have paid him a million dollars to go away, because he was so damn good at his job, getting money from the state in eminent domain cases.
But as much as my dad could rant and rave, he knew when to hold 'em and he knew when to fold 'em, his policy was to be nice to the service people. To utilize a charm offensive, until that failed and he had to bring out the big guns.
So the driver was going the wrong direction on the 5. Now one of the great things about being an adult is you've got direction home, you know where you live, you know how to get there, and in L.A. it's not that complicated, until you hit the hills, but in the Valley...
Felice mentioned she'd never gone this way. Her mother said it'd been a long time since she'd been on this side of the hill. And the driver must have been a fan of Supertramp, he was gonna take the long way home.
Kinda like going from Philly to New York via Atlantic City, literally.
So, we said something, we got him to turn around.
And then he missed an exit. He went the wrong way on the 101.
What do you do?
Take over, tell him how to go.
But he was beholden to his GPS, you know the kind stuck to the windshield with a suction cup. It was descended divinely from Rand McNally and no human being could contradict it.
Until it said to make a wrong right blocks before Felice's house. We heard the clicking of the turn signal. But we didn't dare say anything, his temper had flared.
But not like it did when he passed Felice's abode.
And I was flummoxed. Don't we live in a service economy? Weren't we paying, handsomely, shouldn't he be beholden to us? And what were we asking for anyway, to go our own way? Fleetwood Mac let us, couldn't he?
But it's New Year's Day and he probably doesn't want to work but then he left Felice's in the wrong direction and I implored him to turn off his GPS. I used the magic word, "please," I did not lose my cool, I felt it was my job, to take control, I'm 62 years old, I'm an adult now, and it's finally time to grow into my shoes.
At least I thought it was, I thought I was succeeding, until he blew his top again. Going to Ginny's house. And after missing her building and having to make a U-turn upon our instruction and finally pulling into the parking area he lit into me.
Now let me tell you, I can lose my cool. I learned it from my dad. But I've had decades of psychotherapy, I can control my outbursts, if not my feelings, I can play to win. The driver accused me of yelling at him, which was untrue, and kept defending his mistakes. What to do?
Try to be nice. Ingratiate yourself. Express sympathy for having to work on a holiday.
And that's when he got in my face and told me he was right and he wasn't going to sacrifice his safety record no matter who I was and how rich I am.
Ain't that a laugh.
But he was inches from me, and my instinct was to light into him, but I thought he'd hit me, because when people get wound up there's no telling what they'll do, the law be damned.
And that's when it hit me, was I a wimp? Had it hobbled me my whole life? Had I been letting things slide in the name of getting along to my detriment? Because the big swinging dicks don't tolerate no nonsense, I've seen them in action, they're ranting and raving and having it their way and they own the damn Burger King, even though they never eat there.
Do the bullies succeed? Is craziness tolerated? Look at Trump, the press gives him a pass because he sells advertising and the public supports him because he's a billionaire, even though he's a flash in the pan who will be forgotten in months, at least when it comes to the Presidential election. But everything's momentary in our society, it's a pinball machine of b.s. Everything's trumped up and if you're not fighting for your piece you don't get none.
And so many get none. They were taught to obey the rules and look what it got them.
And those who took matters into their own hands...
And then he said he knew I was going to report him. Actually, I was gonna let it go, but Felice thought the driver was a psycho. I'm afraid he's gonna lose his job.
And then Ginny comes back from her building to argue the directions. A nonagenarian versus a punk. And he doubled-down. Why should he do otherwise? That's what all the rich and famous do, maybe he learned it from Bill O'Reilly.
Ginny asked me if I wanted to call Uber.
I figured I was invested this much, I was not that far from home.
So I sat in the back, meek, like a second-grader, even though he was supposed to be serving me. He took the wrong exit, went the wrong way, does it have to be his way?
But I didn't say a word, because I was afraid. Because I felt it was too small an event, I'd be better off just letting it slide.
But now I'm thinking I let too much slide, in the desire of getting along, I didn't fight for the big piece of chicken, I let others go first.
And now where are they and where am I?
I'm not saying I want a do-over, but if I had one I'd do things differently, because the truth is it's every man for himself and if you're not getting ahead you're being left behind, and the warfare is between us while the rich get a pass, laughing as they live a lifestyle we can't even dream about because we haven't been exposed to it.
So I'm saying to myself I'm home, I should forget about it.
But is that what I've done my whole damn life?
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Tuesday, 29 December 2015
Lemmy
"I don't want to change the world
I don't want the world to change me"
I'm surprised so much hell is being raised over the death of Lemmy Kilmister. Could it be that he's one of the few authentic rock stars left, who's doesn't care what you think, who's doing it for himself?
I think so.
And now he's gone.
I'd be lying if I said I was the biggest Motorhead fan, and Lemmy's fascination with Nazis was pretty creepy, but he was nobody other than himself, he gave it all for rock and roll, when that was a religion, an ethos, a way of life, when we looked to our stars for guidance, who at the same time were not giving it.
But for me the apotheosis of Lemmy's work is that he did with Ozzy Osbourne on the "No More Tears" album, wherein he cowrote lyrics for four songs, including "I Don't Want To Change The World."
Remember when we all weren't desirous of being liked, when being an outsider was a badge of honor? Lemmy did.
"Standing on the crossroads, world spinning round and round
Know which way I'm going, you can't bring me down"
Now everybody hangs on the words of rich assholes as if they have the key to life. Used to be life was your own personal adventure, you created it and you owned it.
"You know it ain't easy
You know it ain't fair
So don't try to please me
Because I really don't care"
Everybody cares too much today, they're fearful of offending a potential customer, the sui generis individual has gone away. To the point where when an original dies we lament the loss of past glory.
But Lemmy didn't.
"Don't tell me stories 'cause yesterday's glories
Have gone away, so far away"
There was no sense of history in rock and roll, the rules were broken again and again, and we looked up to these trailblazers, before the past was canonized in a Hall of Fame that does a good job of excluding those who pushed the envelope, who were dangerous, who were different, who really didn't care if you liked them or not. You don't hear Ian Anderson bitching about not being in the R&RHOF or Jon Anderson or Justin Hayward or John Lodge, but they were originals with huge, passionate audiences that the cognoscenti did not approve of. Kind of like Lemmy, he may not have reached as many, but if Patti Smith is in the Hall of Fame as an influencer, he should be too, just read the testimony of all the legendary rockers overwhelmed by his death.
"I'm living on an endless road
Around the world for rock and roll"
Motorhead never cut "I Don't Want To Change The World," but "Hellraiser" appeared on their 1992 album "March Or Die."
That's what bands used to do, travel around the world in an air of debauchery, leaving not only death and destruction in their wake, but children. This is the life every red-blooded male wanted a part of, what the groupies wanted to snuggle up to. Don't mistake today's touring behemoths with the stars of yesterday... There were no cameras, your life was as wild as you could imagine, you made it up as you went along, and you had millions hanging on every word.
"Sometimes it feels so tough
But I still ain't had enough"
Nights at the Rainbow, endless tours, Lemmy kept on keepin' on. He abused his body and continued to live the rock and roll lifestyle while too many of his contemporaries, especially those who came thereafter, were sucking up to those with the money, the faux stars known as bankers and techies, who don't have the cojones to march into the wilderness on their wits alone, with no VC money, willing to do something unpopular, winning all the while on their personality.
"Feeling all right in the noise and the light
But that's what lights my fire"
It can never be captured in video, you have to be there, to feel the pulse, the emotion, this guy Lemmy on stage WAS ROCK AND ROLL!
"Walking out on another stage
Another town, another place
Sometimes I don't feel right
Nerves wound up too damn tight"
That's what being a rock star is all about, the trappings come last, first and foremost it's a job, wherein the travel is endless and you're frequently unaware of the burg you're in, but you keep on nonetheless. Many do drugs just to cope, others drink copious amounts, to come down from the high of being on stage, experiencing all the adulation and the noise. It's why all the richies want access, because they don't have that in their own lives... No one's gonna cheer when Mark Zuckerberg takes the stage, certainly not Lloyd Blankfein.
"People keep telling me it's bad for my health
But kicking back don't make it
Out of control, I play the ultimate role
But that's what lights my fire"
And it lit our fire too. You couldn't get a ticket, rock and roll ruled the universe. That's what got Lemmy involved, he needed to be closer, being a roadie was good enough.
And then he played. And played and played. For decades. He couldn't do anything else, he'd sacrificed his entire life for rock and roll.
Like me.
Like you.
It's our God.
And when a parishioner dies we reel, we testify, we can't believe the Grim Reaper has taken another.
But then we circle the wagons, push a button and crank it up. Because we were born hellraisers. We've got contempt for the man, we ain't selling out to no corporation, our lives are about freedom to a pounding soundtrack turned up to 11.
Never forget it.
Long live the Ace of Spades!
"Hellraiser": http://spoti.fi/1Tolpgo
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I don't want the world to change me"
I'm surprised so much hell is being raised over the death of Lemmy Kilmister. Could it be that he's one of the few authentic rock stars left, who's doesn't care what you think, who's doing it for himself?
I think so.
And now he's gone.
I'd be lying if I said I was the biggest Motorhead fan, and Lemmy's fascination with Nazis was pretty creepy, but he was nobody other than himself, he gave it all for rock and roll, when that was a religion, an ethos, a way of life, when we looked to our stars for guidance, who at the same time were not giving it.
But for me the apotheosis of Lemmy's work is that he did with Ozzy Osbourne on the "No More Tears" album, wherein he cowrote lyrics for four songs, including "I Don't Want To Change The World."
Remember when we all weren't desirous of being liked, when being an outsider was a badge of honor? Lemmy did.
"Standing on the crossroads, world spinning round and round
Know which way I'm going, you can't bring me down"
Now everybody hangs on the words of rich assholes as if they have the key to life. Used to be life was your own personal adventure, you created it and you owned it.
"You know it ain't easy
You know it ain't fair
So don't try to please me
Because I really don't care"
Everybody cares too much today, they're fearful of offending a potential customer, the sui generis individual has gone away. To the point where when an original dies we lament the loss of past glory.
But Lemmy didn't.
"Don't tell me stories 'cause yesterday's glories
Have gone away, so far away"
There was no sense of history in rock and roll, the rules were broken again and again, and we looked up to these trailblazers, before the past was canonized in a Hall of Fame that does a good job of excluding those who pushed the envelope, who were dangerous, who were different, who really didn't care if you liked them or not. You don't hear Ian Anderson bitching about not being in the R&RHOF or Jon Anderson or Justin Hayward or John Lodge, but they were originals with huge, passionate audiences that the cognoscenti did not approve of. Kind of like Lemmy, he may not have reached as many, but if Patti Smith is in the Hall of Fame as an influencer, he should be too, just read the testimony of all the legendary rockers overwhelmed by his death.
"I'm living on an endless road
Around the world for rock and roll"
Motorhead never cut "I Don't Want To Change The World," but "Hellraiser" appeared on their 1992 album "March Or Die."
That's what bands used to do, travel around the world in an air of debauchery, leaving not only death and destruction in their wake, but children. This is the life every red-blooded male wanted a part of, what the groupies wanted to snuggle up to. Don't mistake today's touring behemoths with the stars of yesterday... There were no cameras, your life was as wild as you could imagine, you made it up as you went along, and you had millions hanging on every word.
"Sometimes it feels so tough
But I still ain't had enough"
Nights at the Rainbow, endless tours, Lemmy kept on keepin' on. He abused his body and continued to live the rock and roll lifestyle while too many of his contemporaries, especially those who came thereafter, were sucking up to those with the money, the faux stars known as bankers and techies, who don't have the cojones to march into the wilderness on their wits alone, with no VC money, willing to do something unpopular, winning all the while on their personality.
"Feeling all right in the noise and the light
But that's what lights my fire"
It can never be captured in video, you have to be there, to feel the pulse, the emotion, this guy Lemmy on stage WAS ROCK AND ROLL!
"Walking out on another stage
Another town, another place
Sometimes I don't feel right
Nerves wound up too damn tight"
That's what being a rock star is all about, the trappings come last, first and foremost it's a job, wherein the travel is endless and you're frequently unaware of the burg you're in, but you keep on nonetheless. Many do drugs just to cope, others drink copious amounts, to come down from the high of being on stage, experiencing all the adulation and the noise. It's why all the richies want access, because they don't have that in their own lives... No one's gonna cheer when Mark Zuckerberg takes the stage, certainly not Lloyd Blankfein.
"People keep telling me it's bad for my health
But kicking back don't make it
Out of control, I play the ultimate role
But that's what lights my fire"
And it lit our fire too. You couldn't get a ticket, rock and roll ruled the universe. That's what got Lemmy involved, he needed to be closer, being a roadie was good enough.
And then he played. And played and played. For decades. He couldn't do anything else, he'd sacrificed his entire life for rock and roll.
Like me.
Like you.
It's our God.
And when a parishioner dies we reel, we testify, we can't believe the Grim Reaper has taken another.
But then we circle the wagons, push a button and crank it up. Because we were born hellraisers. We've got contempt for the man, we ain't selling out to no corporation, our lives are about freedom to a pounding soundtrack turned up to 11.
Never forget it.
Long live the Ace of Spades!
"Hellraiser": http://spoti.fi/1Tolpgo
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Monday, 28 December 2015
Death
You've just got to make it to January 1st.
"Guess who died?"
That's how my father would wake up my mother most mornings. A notoriously late sleeper, my mom was the opposite of my eager beaver dad, who'd already been out buying donuts while the rest of were still under the covers. And having perused the Bridgeport "Post," he just couldn't help but inform my mother of the latest passings, even though she complained this was no way to be awakened.
I've turned into my dad. It happens surreptitiously, while you're not paying attention, as you get older, and then, sometime when you're an adult, you realize you've not only got your father's DNA imprinted upon you, but his identity too. You just can't shake it. And I can't stop telling people who died.
Like Snuff Garrett. Do you know the L.A. "Times" didn't even print an obituary? He produced Gary Lewis & the Playboys, and if that doesn't impress you, he did Vicki Lawrence's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" and Cher's "Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves" and "Half-Breed" too. Amazing how the past is plowed under, if you weren't there it's like it didn't even happen. Does anybody remember the Commander, Mike Chapman? He and Nicky Chinn were gods decades back. But they're still alive, at least Chapman is...Chinn? Probably. But you get old enough and you can't remember who's passed and who hasn't. I laughed how Paul Simon and his band couldn't remember who was dead or alive in "One Trick Pony," now I know it's a function of age. It all becomes a blur. And soon you're gone too.
And a couple of weeks back, Luigi Creatore died. Don't worry, I didn't know him either, but I did know his songs, he and his partner Hugo Peretti, known together as Hugo & Luigi, produced Little Peggy March's "I Will Follow Him," one of the great singles of the sixties. And they produced Sam Cooke's "Twistin' the Night Away" and "Chain Gang," never mind "Wonderful World." And they not only did Jimmie Rodgers's "Honeycomb," they did Van McCoy's "The Hustle" too! And I'd never even heard of them! I wonder if the Grammys will make a big deal about them, their work will last longer than those of the acts nominated for Album of the Year. How come today's music never lasts?
Meanwhile, read Luigi Creatore's obituary here: http://nyti.ms/1mM8ri2, where you'll also learn Luigi was part of the team that did the Tokens' "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"...what a career!
And although you'll enjoy the history lesson, you'll be wowed by the picture of Snuff Garrett and his colleague Leon Russell in Garrett's obit. Once upon a time, Leon was not the Master of Space and Time, just another talented musician on the make: http://nyti.ms/1Vn0cow
And just yesterday, Little Stevie Wright of the Easybeats passed away. Vanda and Young get all the credit, but it was Little Stevie who sang the incredible vocal in "Friday On My Mind." What a track that was, I can remember hearing it over the PA on a bitter day at Brodie Mountain, now they're both gone. Live long enough and everything that was meaningful to you ceases to exist.
But it's not only musicians who succumb in December.
Meadowlark Lemon just died. Do youngsters know who he is? Back when the NBA was still white, the Harlem Globetrotters were as big or bigger than any of the league's teams. And its star was the clown known as Meadowlark, who lived around the corner from me in Fairfield, Connecticut. In a tract home. Where there wasn't another African-American around. I never saw Meadowlark in the flesh, but his son used to hang at the playground, he was a good dude.
And then there's Haskell Wexler, one of the best cinematographers of all time. Not only did he shoot "Coming Home," but he did "Bound for Glory," which looked like the Dust Bowl, and "Days of Heaven," one of the most richly beautiful films of all time. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, Wexler shot "American Graffiti" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and even "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." And it's not only the credits, it's the look, Wexler was an artist, someone unique. And at the height of his fame he made his own film, wrote and directed it too, called "Medium Cool." It made an indelible impression upon me, not only because of its visceral quality but because of the use of Love's song "Emotions" in it, as in "Arthur Lee and..." Wexler took a risk, put it all on the line, the Chicago Democratic Convention of '68 was a vital part of the film. This was back when artists stood for something, when they weren't so worried about their commerciality that they refused to
take a stand. I ran into Haskell at a Thanksgiving party last year. He didn't hear so well but was stunned that I knew who he was and had so much respect for him. And to think of all the bozos lapping up the accolades these days. Haskell Wexler was a giant, and the Oscars will make a big deal about his death. No, they won't, but you'll see him in the "In Memoriam" montage.
And how about Stein Eriksen? Ski Like Stein! That's what we all wanted to do, I got his book for Hanukkah. And watched him flip on TV. He was debonair and the true icon of skiing before Jean Claude Killy and was never eclipsed by the French master. I only saw him once, in front of his namesake lodge in Deer Valley.
And Ellsworth Kelly just passed, and Dave Henderson too!
And my uncle Herbie, my mother's brother.
I don't come from a large family. But now only my mother is left. Herbie lasted a long time, he died at 94, he was nearly 95. But I remember talking to him back in 2008, when he was wearing his Tufts hat, and he told me he went to the reunion but few attended, everybody else was dead. And you think you want to live forever, but you don't. Because not only do you become frail, all your friends are gone, you've got no commonality, no frame of reference. Don't envy those financial titans marrying twentysomethings, what do they talk about? We sang the theme song to "Car 54, Where Are You?" the other night, does anybody under fifty know that show? Under sixty? "There's a holdup in the Bronx, Brooklyn's broken out in fights..."
And when you're young everything's new and you think you're going to live forever.
And then you age and you've seen it before but you understand it better, you've got context, you can deliver wisdom, but no one younger than you seems to care, they're all just doing it for themselves.
So we get this inane worship of the young and stupid. Honoring someone for their youth is like honoring someone for being born, it doesn't have much meaning, these individuals are far from fully-formed.
But then you become who you are, you've been there, done that and you pass.
It's the way of the world, but it's still incomprehensible. You were so vibrant and alive, and then no one cares about you anymore and just a few remember, no matter how great your contribution was.
So, if you're trying to leave your mark, if you're all about accumulation, you're missing out. The truth is we're all just grist for the mill and the best you can do is to have experiences and adventures that mean so much to you. Because ultimately you're the only one who cares, the rest of us keep on keepin' on, focused on our own little lives.
But when the giants fade away, when those who provided signposts in our lives are suddenly gone, we feel the emptiness, at least for a while, not only are we reminded of their humanity, their singular quality, their greatness, we're confronted with the fact that life is evanescent, that it can be snuffed nearly instantly.
So take care of yourself. Go to the doctor, get those tests, no one is invulnerable, no one gets out of here alive. When you're done, you're done, no matter what anybody says. So make the most of your time while you're here.
And know that people can have an impact. The ones mentioned above certainly did.
And pray that your loved ones make it through the holidays, it's the hardest time.
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"Guess who died?"
That's how my father would wake up my mother most mornings. A notoriously late sleeper, my mom was the opposite of my eager beaver dad, who'd already been out buying donuts while the rest of were still under the covers. And having perused the Bridgeport "Post," he just couldn't help but inform my mother of the latest passings, even though she complained this was no way to be awakened.
I've turned into my dad. It happens surreptitiously, while you're not paying attention, as you get older, and then, sometime when you're an adult, you realize you've not only got your father's DNA imprinted upon you, but his identity too. You just can't shake it. And I can't stop telling people who died.
Like Snuff Garrett. Do you know the L.A. "Times" didn't even print an obituary? He produced Gary Lewis & the Playboys, and if that doesn't impress you, he did Vicki Lawrence's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" and Cher's "Gypsys, Tramps and Thieves" and "Half-Breed" too. Amazing how the past is plowed under, if you weren't there it's like it didn't even happen. Does anybody remember the Commander, Mike Chapman? He and Nicky Chinn were gods decades back. But they're still alive, at least Chapman is...Chinn? Probably. But you get old enough and you can't remember who's passed and who hasn't. I laughed how Paul Simon and his band couldn't remember who was dead or alive in "One Trick Pony," now I know it's a function of age. It all becomes a blur. And soon you're gone too.
And a couple of weeks back, Luigi Creatore died. Don't worry, I didn't know him either, but I did know his songs, he and his partner Hugo Peretti, known together as Hugo & Luigi, produced Little Peggy March's "I Will Follow Him," one of the great singles of the sixties. And they produced Sam Cooke's "Twistin' the Night Away" and "Chain Gang," never mind "Wonderful World." And they not only did Jimmie Rodgers's "Honeycomb," they did Van McCoy's "The Hustle" too! And I'd never even heard of them! I wonder if the Grammys will make a big deal about them, their work will last longer than those of the acts nominated for Album of the Year. How come today's music never lasts?
Meanwhile, read Luigi Creatore's obituary here: http://nyti.ms/1mM8ri2, where you'll also learn Luigi was part of the team that did the Tokens' "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"...what a career!
And although you'll enjoy the history lesson, you'll be wowed by the picture of Snuff Garrett and his colleague Leon Russell in Garrett's obit. Once upon a time, Leon was not the Master of Space and Time, just another talented musician on the make: http://nyti.ms/1Vn0cow
And just yesterday, Little Stevie Wright of the Easybeats passed away. Vanda and Young get all the credit, but it was Little Stevie who sang the incredible vocal in "Friday On My Mind." What a track that was, I can remember hearing it over the PA on a bitter day at Brodie Mountain, now they're both gone. Live long enough and everything that was meaningful to you ceases to exist.
But it's not only musicians who succumb in December.
Meadowlark Lemon just died. Do youngsters know who he is? Back when the NBA was still white, the Harlem Globetrotters were as big or bigger than any of the league's teams. And its star was the clown known as Meadowlark, who lived around the corner from me in Fairfield, Connecticut. In a tract home. Where there wasn't another African-American around. I never saw Meadowlark in the flesh, but his son used to hang at the playground, he was a good dude.
And then there's Haskell Wexler, one of the best cinematographers of all time. Not only did he shoot "Coming Home," but he did "Bound for Glory," which looked like the Dust Bowl, and "Days of Heaven," one of the most richly beautiful films of all time. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, Wexler shot "American Graffiti" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and even "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf." And it's not only the credits, it's the look, Wexler was an artist, someone unique. And at the height of his fame he made his own film, wrote and directed it too, called "Medium Cool." It made an indelible impression upon me, not only because of its visceral quality but because of the use of Love's song "Emotions" in it, as in "Arthur Lee and..." Wexler took a risk, put it all on the line, the Chicago Democratic Convention of '68 was a vital part of the film. This was back when artists stood for something, when they weren't so worried about their commerciality that they refused to
take a stand. I ran into Haskell at a Thanksgiving party last year. He didn't hear so well but was stunned that I knew who he was and had so much respect for him. And to think of all the bozos lapping up the accolades these days. Haskell Wexler was a giant, and the Oscars will make a big deal about his death. No, they won't, but you'll see him in the "In Memoriam" montage.
And how about Stein Eriksen? Ski Like Stein! That's what we all wanted to do, I got his book for Hanukkah. And watched him flip on TV. He was debonair and the true icon of skiing before Jean Claude Killy and was never eclipsed by the French master. I only saw him once, in front of his namesake lodge in Deer Valley.
And Ellsworth Kelly just passed, and Dave Henderson too!
And my uncle Herbie, my mother's brother.
I don't come from a large family. But now only my mother is left. Herbie lasted a long time, he died at 94, he was nearly 95. But I remember talking to him back in 2008, when he was wearing his Tufts hat, and he told me he went to the reunion but few attended, everybody else was dead. And you think you want to live forever, but you don't. Because not only do you become frail, all your friends are gone, you've got no commonality, no frame of reference. Don't envy those financial titans marrying twentysomethings, what do they talk about? We sang the theme song to "Car 54, Where Are You?" the other night, does anybody under fifty know that show? Under sixty? "There's a holdup in the Bronx, Brooklyn's broken out in fights..."
And when you're young everything's new and you think you're going to live forever.
And then you age and you've seen it before but you understand it better, you've got context, you can deliver wisdom, but no one younger than you seems to care, they're all just doing it for themselves.
So we get this inane worship of the young and stupid. Honoring someone for their youth is like honoring someone for being born, it doesn't have much meaning, these individuals are far from fully-formed.
But then you become who you are, you've been there, done that and you pass.
It's the way of the world, but it's still incomprehensible. You were so vibrant and alive, and then no one cares about you anymore and just a few remember, no matter how great your contribution was.
So, if you're trying to leave your mark, if you're all about accumulation, you're missing out. The truth is we're all just grist for the mill and the best you can do is to have experiences and adventures that mean so much to you. Because ultimately you're the only one who cares, the rest of us keep on keepin' on, focused on our own little lives.
But when the giants fade away, when those who provided signposts in our lives are suddenly gone, we feel the emptiness, at least for a while, not only are we reminded of their humanity, their singular quality, their greatness, we're confronted with the fact that life is evanescent, that it can be snuffed nearly instantly.
So take care of yourself. Go to the doctor, get those tests, no one is invulnerable, no one gets out of here alive. When you're done, you're done, no matter what anybody says. So make the most of your time while you're here.
And know that people can have an impact. The ones mentioned above certainly did.
And pray that your loved ones make it through the holidays, it's the hardest time.
--
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--
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Sunday, 27 December 2015
What You've Got To Know
1. Try to be great. In a world of overwhelming incompetence, where everybody's vying for attention, we seek and glom on to great, and tell everybody we know about it. Unfortunately, because of the plethora of information great does not ascend to the top of the totem pole instantly anymore, but it's the first step in the ladder to success. Forget the penumbra, the social media, the marketing, they're subservient to the underlying product/endeavor. Everything great sells itself. Sure, ultimately a push helps. But it's amazing how you can gain traction with great and great only. Great is hard to achieve. You know it when you get there. Your whole body tingles, you smile, you're self-satisfied, you don't even care if anybody else sees/hears what you've created, but you know when they do they're going to have a reaction. Don't play it safe, play for a reaction.
2. Beware of self-hype. Others with stronger personalities and better contacts and more money will spread the world how great they are. You'll read it in newspapers, online, and it will make you feel inadequate. Don't fall for the bait. Tireless self-promoter is a gig, but it's got nothing to do with art. Furthermore, in today's era, just because you get the word out that does not mean you gain traction. Also, "Hamilton" tells us you don't know what's going on unless you're in the room. Castles are built in the air, don't fall for the story, it's rarely true. People don't want to talk about the hard work, the payoffs, the manipulation, the lies and deceit. They want to make it look like everything fell into their lap and they're the luckiest person in the world. Don't buy it. Be skeptical, search for the real story. If you predicate your success on the footsteps/careers of others you will hit potholes, because you don't really know what they went through.
3. Play the long game. Now, more than ever, it's about being in it forever, not momentarily. Streaming pays over time and we've already forgotten every winner of the "Voice." News is a 24/7 enterprise with very little sticking. Tragically, the Planned Parenthood shooting was trumped by the massacre in San Bernardino. If you think you're going to win by dominating the news cycle, know that only those with the deepest pockets selling the blandest mainstream pop can win that game, and they rarely do.
4. Lead with your product, frontloading is passe. The advance buildup works for one time events like boxing matches. Art has a very long arc. If you squander your budget at the outset your product will probably die. Marketing is now about reaction, about finding a small fire and turning it into a conflagration.
5. Only the dumbest of the dumb believe the press releases. Do you want to appeal to this audience? Substance sells. It's just that substance takes a little bit longer to explain. If you're going to talk to a reporter, if you're going to post online, try to say something real, try to be genuine, this is what people react to.
6. Data rules. Now, more than ever, it's about the numbers. And the numbers don't lie. The Sorkin Steve Jobs movie tanked. As did Carly Rae Jepsen's album. Smoke and mirrors are passe. The younger generation knows this more than the oldsters. You can see the number of streams on Spotify and soon you'll have even more data indicating the success or lack thereof of your project. If your numbers are low, either be happy or change. Don't be sour grapes. No one's got time for that anymore, life is too hard. The tools of creation are at your fingertips, don't be afraid to remix your art, to pivot. Sometimes you change one little thing and the whole picture changes. Ignore/stop listening to those who keep doing the same thing and bitch they're not getting the attention they deserve.
7. Just because you were famous and made a living in the old pre-internet era that does not mean you're entitled to make a living in the new. That was an artificially controlled world, of scarcity. If you got through the barrier, people knew who you were. Now you have to earn your stripes. It may turn out with so much available, people are just not that interested in what you're doing. As for those lamenting the loss of the old model, you're now living in the most egalitarian era for art ever. It used to be nearly impossible to get a record deal. Now you can be your own record company. But don't expect just because you did it that people other than your mother and significant other will care. The bar has been raised, people have no time for mediocre, no time for good either. Sure, you need chops. But if those were enough the business would be ruled by Berklee graduates. No, what you need is inspiration. Which can come in an instant, any time, taking a shower, doing the dishes,
taking a walk. The fuller your life, the greater your inspiration. Don't be a slave to the screen.
8. Courage is underrated. The best put their lives on the line. They reveal their innermost thoughts so the rest of us can relate, so we don't feel so alone. Are you willing to go naked, are you willing to bare your soul? Don't confuse this with Instagram/Facebook. There's no context there, there's no art. We want to see humanity in a song.
9. You won't know what your one big break was until after it happened. A career is a long winding road upon which you must keep up hope, because you're going to be confronted with endless disappointments. If you think one missed opportunity killed your career, you're a chump.
10. You can work with the usual suspects, but we're most interested in that which is new and different, that's what turns our heads. Grunge eviscerated hair bands and if you think the popster paradigm is going to rule forever, you have no sense of history. No one is forever, change comes quickly and violently. That does not mean your left field project will break through, just that some left field project will break through.
11. If you're only in it for the money you're in the wrong profession. Art is about power. Touching someone's emotions, touching someone's soul, is richer and more valuable than any physical product ever. The key is to get people on your side with your truth and move mountains. We've equated successful artists with their bank accounts. We've got to equate artists with their minds. Today's artists play to the media, they take camera crews to their meetings with sick children, everything is promotion. Wrong. The best promotion is your identity encapsulated in your art. In their heyday Steely Dan didn't go on the road. Jefferson Airplane challenged the establishment at their peak, just listen to "Volunteers." John Lennon became an icon for stating that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, the truth. What kind of crazy world do we live in where Donald Trump owns the media by saying what no one else will, his personal truth, and every so-called "artist" is afraid of going on the record
for fear of alienating a potential customer. Quick, name the clergymen who got their flocks to burn Beatle records after John Lennon's comment. You can't. Insignificant players will gain the spotlight for a moment, but do not let them distract you from your mission. You will have moments of insecurity and doubt, you will be ready to give up. But don't do so because some bozo with a keyboard who lives in his mom's basement is jealous of your success and wants to keep you down.
12. We're always ready. For the new, the great, the exceptional. If you touch our souls we'll give you enough money to survive, and if you're asking for more than that, you're not an artist. Don't focus on cash but audience. If you're not trying to reach as many people as possible, you don't believe in your art. Sure, 1,000 true fans will keep you alive, but you'll have no social impact. Your goal is to put a dent in the universe. Start building your rocket.
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2. Beware of self-hype. Others with stronger personalities and better contacts and more money will spread the world how great they are. You'll read it in newspapers, online, and it will make you feel inadequate. Don't fall for the bait. Tireless self-promoter is a gig, but it's got nothing to do with art. Furthermore, in today's era, just because you get the word out that does not mean you gain traction. Also, "Hamilton" tells us you don't know what's going on unless you're in the room. Castles are built in the air, don't fall for the story, it's rarely true. People don't want to talk about the hard work, the payoffs, the manipulation, the lies and deceit. They want to make it look like everything fell into their lap and they're the luckiest person in the world. Don't buy it. Be skeptical, search for the real story. If you predicate your success on the footsteps/careers of others you will hit potholes, because you don't really know what they went through.
3. Play the long game. Now, more than ever, it's about being in it forever, not momentarily. Streaming pays over time and we've already forgotten every winner of the "Voice." News is a 24/7 enterprise with very little sticking. Tragically, the Planned Parenthood shooting was trumped by the massacre in San Bernardino. If you think you're going to win by dominating the news cycle, know that only those with the deepest pockets selling the blandest mainstream pop can win that game, and they rarely do.
4. Lead with your product, frontloading is passe. The advance buildup works for one time events like boxing matches. Art has a very long arc. If you squander your budget at the outset your product will probably die. Marketing is now about reaction, about finding a small fire and turning it into a conflagration.
5. Only the dumbest of the dumb believe the press releases. Do you want to appeal to this audience? Substance sells. It's just that substance takes a little bit longer to explain. If you're going to talk to a reporter, if you're going to post online, try to say something real, try to be genuine, this is what people react to.
6. Data rules. Now, more than ever, it's about the numbers. And the numbers don't lie. The Sorkin Steve Jobs movie tanked. As did Carly Rae Jepsen's album. Smoke and mirrors are passe. The younger generation knows this more than the oldsters. You can see the number of streams on Spotify and soon you'll have even more data indicating the success or lack thereof of your project. If your numbers are low, either be happy or change. Don't be sour grapes. No one's got time for that anymore, life is too hard. The tools of creation are at your fingertips, don't be afraid to remix your art, to pivot. Sometimes you change one little thing and the whole picture changes. Ignore/stop listening to those who keep doing the same thing and bitch they're not getting the attention they deserve.
7. Just because you were famous and made a living in the old pre-internet era that does not mean you're entitled to make a living in the new. That was an artificially controlled world, of scarcity. If you got through the barrier, people knew who you were. Now you have to earn your stripes. It may turn out with so much available, people are just not that interested in what you're doing. As for those lamenting the loss of the old model, you're now living in the most egalitarian era for art ever. It used to be nearly impossible to get a record deal. Now you can be your own record company. But don't expect just because you did it that people other than your mother and significant other will care. The bar has been raised, people have no time for mediocre, no time for good either. Sure, you need chops. But if those were enough the business would be ruled by Berklee graduates. No, what you need is inspiration. Which can come in an instant, any time, taking a shower, doing the dishes,
taking a walk. The fuller your life, the greater your inspiration. Don't be a slave to the screen.
8. Courage is underrated. The best put their lives on the line. They reveal their innermost thoughts so the rest of us can relate, so we don't feel so alone. Are you willing to go naked, are you willing to bare your soul? Don't confuse this with Instagram/Facebook. There's no context there, there's no art. We want to see humanity in a song.
9. You won't know what your one big break was until after it happened. A career is a long winding road upon which you must keep up hope, because you're going to be confronted with endless disappointments. If you think one missed opportunity killed your career, you're a chump.
10. You can work with the usual suspects, but we're most interested in that which is new and different, that's what turns our heads. Grunge eviscerated hair bands and if you think the popster paradigm is going to rule forever, you have no sense of history. No one is forever, change comes quickly and violently. That does not mean your left field project will break through, just that some left field project will break through.
11. If you're only in it for the money you're in the wrong profession. Art is about power. Touching someone's emotions, touching someone's soul, is richer and more valuable than any physical product ever. The key is to get people on your side with your truth and move mountains. We've equated successful artists with their bank accounts. We've got to equate artists with their minds. Today's artists play to the media, they take camera crews to their meetings with sick children, everything is promotion. Wrong. The best promotion is your identity encapsulated in your art. In their heyday Steely Dan didn't go on the road. Jefferson Airplane challenged the establishment at their peak, just listen to "Volunteers." John Lennon became an icon for stating that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, the truth. What kind of crazy world do we live in where Donald Trump owns the media by saying what no one else will, his personal truth, and every so-called "artist" is afraid of going on the record
for fear of alienating a potential customer. Quick, name the clergymen who got their flocks to burn Beatle records after John Lennon's comment. You can't. Insignificant players will gain the spotlight for a moment, but do not let them distract you from your mission. You will have moments of insecurity and doubt, you will be ready to give up. But don't do so because some bozo with a keyboard who lives in his mom's basement is jealous of your success and wants to keep you down.
12. We're always ready. For the new, the great, the exceptional. If you touch our souls we'll give you enough money to survive, and if you're asking for more than that, you're not an artist. Don't focus on cash but audience. If you're not trying to reach as many people as possible, you don't believe in your art. Sure, 1,000 true fans will keep you alive, but you'll have no social impact. Your goal is to put a dent in the universe. Start building your rocket.
--
Visit the archive: http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/
--
http://www.twitter.com/lefsetz
--
If you would like to subscribe to the LefsetzLetter,
http://www.lefsetz.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=1
If you do not want to receive any more LefsetzLetters, http://lefsetz.com/lists/?p=unsubscribe&uid=0eecea7b60b461717065cbde887c8e25
To change your email address http://lefsetz.com/lists/?p=preferences&uid=0eecea7b60b461717065cbde887c8e25
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