Saturday, 26 July 2014

Accident

I fell on my butt.

I was coming down the stairs with a Coke in my hand when my feet started to slip. And it's funny how these things happen in slow motion. One foot might gain purchase, maybe I can right myself, this could be near-miss, a close call discussed for an hour or two and then forgotten or...

I could fall.

And if I did, where would I land? On my fragile back? Or would I twist and turn and break some heretofore uncontemplated bone?

And this is not the way it's supposed to be, I'm supposed to be doing something dangerous, skiing in the trees, testing limits, it's not supposed to happen in regular life. Am I now a statistic? One of the old people who falls in the shower or spontaneously collapses with a broken hip, like my mother?

But I'm going to make it through. I treasure my agility, honed by years of slipping on ice in ski country.

Only I don't.

I fall squarely on my ass, and then bounce a step or two.

Meanwhile, I've got Caffeine Free Diet Coke all over me.

And I exclaimed. Utilized profanity. But no one was in the condo to hear me, to run to my aid. If a tree falls in a forest and there's no one there to hear it does it make a sound?

ABSOLUTELY!

I've broken a few bones. And the worst thing is you know it's happened. Even though each time the accident was not especially traumatic. Falling from ten feet in the air onto the ski slope when my binding pre-released during a jump and landing with one foot in the snow and twisting and turning and there was very little pain, but I knew my leg was broken. Or when that volleyball hit me square on the tip of my index finger, cracking it. Or when that hood in gym tripped me playing soccer and I went down and the bone in my hand popped right up. The orthopedist just snapped it back into place. Excruciating pain, but it only lasted a minute.

And the worst thing about getting older is you know the worst is yet to come. I was pretty convinced I'd broken no bones. But swelling isn't instant, pain is delayed, and you wonder just how bad it's going to get. Which may be why I now travel with a cornucopia of pills, I want to be ready for every occasion.

And the occasion is Ginny's 90th birthday. This is not about me.

So the first thing I thought necessary was to clean up the mess. I wanted to make like it didn't happen.

But after mopping up the liquid with a towel, the pain started to kick in and I went back upstairs to lay down, holding on to the railing all the while.

And I picked up my phone and started Googling.

Turned out it was my coccyx. It's not an uncommon injury. But was it fractured or just bruised?

I decided to test it. That's part of my OCD, my fear, my desire to head off the worst possible outcome.

I sat down and I felt movement, but was that bones moving or a soft seat?

Right now I'm sitting in a soft seat, on top of an inflatable donut.

But first came the most important query, should I go to see a doctor?

That's illegal in my house. As illegal as it is to write all this. We're supposed to have stiff upper lips, we're supposed to suck it up. I'm the kind of guy who'll die of a heart attack at home, debating if it's real. But there's another part of me that is paranoid and wants a physician attending to me 24/7.

But when my brain cleared just a bit, I was in shock, I remembered that ice is the first line of defense, the key is to keep the swelling down.

And most Googling told me not to go to the emergency room.

But most said to go to the doctor. But I'm out of town. And there's the issue of insurance reimbursement, they always look not to pay, and paramount is the potential embarrassment, you came to the emergency room for THIS?

I texted my physical therapist and she said to ice and swallow NSAIDs. But I've reduced the amount of NSAIDs I imbibe, and I'm gonna run out of the prescription ones.

And then Felice returned and I guiltily told her my story.

That's me, guilt personified. And full of shame too. For the number one response I'm going to get to this screed is WHO CARES!

I always wonder about these people, are they really that together or are their lives so painful that if they see anyone else suffering and complaining they clamp right down upon them.

Finally I decided to e-mail my doctor. Who said x-rays wouldn't definitively declare a fracture, that you needed an MRI, and that the treatment for a fracture and a bruise is the same, ice, rest and NSAIDs, so...

I'm not really that bad right now.

Well, that's not true. I am sitting on a donut. Getting myself up from the prone position is difficult.

But I'll be fine eventually. In a couple of days? A couple of weeks? What will I have to sacrifice in the interim? I don't want to sacrifice anything, I want to voraciously consume life.

But the older you get, the longer it takes to heal, to recover.

And the older you get...do we all just experience further pain and then succumb?

So I alternately want to live in denial and crawl up in a ball and ask for sympathy.

Although I rarely ask. I want you to read the signals. I'm speaking in code. For fear that someone will excoriate me.

The shame runs deep.


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Friday, 25 July 2014

Rhinofy-Beau Brummels Primer

LAUGH, LAUGH

Some songs emanate from the speaker and stop you in your tracks, vacate all other thoughts and have you asking WHAT'S THAT?

Like "Laugh, Laugh."

You've got to know, by time we reached the end of '64 an entire generation was addicted to the radio. It's kind of like today, but instead of a transistor now it's a smartphone. And a transistor only did one thing, play radio, and we only listened to music.

Sure, "Laugh, Laugh" was reminiscent of the English sound, but it would have been a hit in any era, like "Walk Away Renee" it's forever, because of the haunting sound...

From the initial notes you were enraptured, as if you were descending into a subterranean spot where all truth would be revealed.

"I hate to say it but I told you so
Don't mind my preaching to you"

This was not our parents, but our contemporaries, downloading truth. Instead of bristling, we leaned in closer.

"I said don't trust him baby, now you know
You don't learn everything there is to know in school"

We were becoming adults. This was the beginning of the schism, the youthquake, the separation of children from their parents. Sure, the Beau Brummels were in their twenties, but kids were listening to them, getting their truth from musicians. Unlike today, parents were not their children's best friends, and soon they would become the enemy.

"Wouldn't believe me when I gave advice
I said that he was a tease"

Whew! I was eleven. I'd just had my first girlfriend. I was just learning not only the mechanics, but the nuances of dating, of the opposite sex. How people could seem to want something, but not really.

"Laugh, laugh, I thought I'd die
It seemed so funny to me
Laugh, laugh, you met a guy
Who taught you how it feels to be
Lonely, oh so lonely"

Creepy. He's laughing at someone who misread the situation. But the end result is even worse. Loneliness. The scourge of humanity.

There's a tonality in "Laugh, Laugh" that was absent from almost all records, except maybe some Beatles tracks, but here there was a sneer.

"Laugh, Laugh" fired on all cylinders. Not only was there the straight from the heart sincere vocal from seemingly the coolest guy on the planet, there was the sparse instrumentation, the guitar, drums and harmonica you could hear.

You just wanted to get closer. "Laugh, Laugh" was a three minute respite from hype, from radio normality. It was truth beaming right out of the speaker, straight into your heart and mind.

JUST A LITTLE

And shortly thereafter came this. Which wasn't quite as good, but almost nothing could be.

"Just A Little" had a similar haunting sound, but this time the guy was involved. But now it was over. And he was crying. Just a little. But a little is a lot, when it comes to love.

And once again, there was a chorus so hooky, today's music makers should be forced to listen for edification.

But really, what made "Just A Little" was the break. The acoustic guitar, with the electric response, every baby boomer knows it and can't explain it, all they know is it brings them right back to the sixties, remembering victories and losses, when everything was still new, when they were discovering who they were, what they wanted, and were not yet formalized in what they'd become.

CONCLUSION

And then it was done. There was never another hit. It's almost like the Beau Brummels didn't exist, that they were a studio concoction like the Archies.

But that would be untrue. The Beau Brummels emerged from San Francisco in an era before the music press, before we knew almost anything about most of our heroes. We knew them more as cartoon characters, the Beau Brummelstones, on the "Flintstones," than we did as their true personages.

Yes, we were still children, but we were becoming adults.

But the Beau Brummels were already grown up.

They were on legendary deejay Tom Donahue's Autumn Records. And these cuts were produced by Sylvester Stewart, ultimately known as Sly Stone, before he had his hits. Yup, don't decry the decline of Sly, he just had too much talent for one person to handle.

And when the group splintered Sal Valentino, the singer, formed Stoneground, which was hyped by Warner Brothers, was featured on its sampler albums, but ultimately had no impact.

And Ron Elliott, who wrote "Laugh, Laugh" and cowrote "Just A Little" with Bob Durand, had a behind the scenes career with Van Dyke Parks and others before releasing a solo record that almost instantly disappeared.

So all we're left with is the records.

Sure, there were albums, but in 1964, they were almost irrelevant. It was about the singles. It wasn't until the Beatles started testing limits with "Rubber Soul," "Revolver" and "Sgt. Pepper" that the album was seen as a statement, more than a collection of singles and filler.

But these two singles were paramount. Youngsters might be unaware, but we oldsters know every note. We believed there would be more, we still want more.

The Beau Brummelstones: http://bit.ly/1ujy3ER

Spotify link: http://spoti.fi/1ke7Hjx


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World Domination

Are we shooting too low?

Once upon a time music dominated the conversation, it does not today.

Could it be that the labels are too insular, the artists without dreams, have we sacrificed the track to branding and sponsorship and that which has nothing to do with music?

There's only been one worldwide dominant track since last summer, and that's Pharrell's "Happy."

An interesting case, because most people still have no idea who Pharrell is, other than the guy who wore the hat at the Oscars. Where'd he grow up? Who is he dating? Who are his sponsors? Pharrell seems to be doing it all wrong, yet he's the only one who did it right, he's the only one who created a worldwide dominant hit, with staying power, one that penetrated all cultures. That's the power of music. That's the power of the track.

Furthermore, "Happy" did not fit the format, it did not sound like everything else on Top Forty radio, rather than sounding me-too, it sounded fresh. The public wants new and different, people don't care about Windows XP, but in the music business we've been executing variations on the paradigm for far too long. We've got the usual suspects honing material to play within our tightly controlled game, and as a result most people just don't care, which leaves money and social impact on the table.

Now "Happy" didn't happen overnight. It was featured in "Despicable Me 2" last summer, but wasn't available as a single until late fall. Proving that everything meant to last takes time to get there.

Kind of like "Gone Girl." It's still penetrating society years later. Eventually the film will make the book a household item. That's how it happens in the twenty first century, that which arrives instantly, with a lot of hoopla, rarely lasts. However, let's be honest, that which lasts usually has marketing help, as did "Happy" with "Despicable Me 2."

But let's return to the sixties, when the Beatles and the British Invasion dominated not only the airwaves, but public consciousness.

And then in the seventies the FM radio format became dominant, and stars extended their tentacles into popular culture.

And then in the 80s, that juggernaut known as MTV had the whole world watching.

But in the twenty first century, when everybody in the world can be reached for free music is quite often an artistic stepchild, relegated to television competition shows, something used to sell something else, while so many of its makers can't stop complaining that the game has changed. We hear about Spotify more than most individual artists. Is it because Spotify tests limits and captures the popular zeitgeist in a way new music does not?

Look at the Tom Petty hype. Without a dominant track, it's speaking to the already converted.

And Weird Al made a splash, but it's about novelty much more than music. There's no original track to get people to turn their heads.

But there could be.

If only artists and labels stopped playing by the rules.

Because there's really only one rule. That which travels is always an instant listen that grows on people over time. Are we shooting for this target? I'd say no.

Yes, we want singles. But do they have to sound like every other single? Even Taylor Swift... An original as a country artist, she worked with the hitmakers of the day to release the entirely forgettable "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." When our biggest artist blinks, we know we're in trouble.

Yes, Ms. Swift is more notable for her dating travails than she is for her music, at least by the general public, how do we flip this switch?

By realizing that artists are not like businessmen. That music is not the tech game. That artists do it different.

Pharrell was not young and shiny, he's far from Justin Bieber.

Yet the conceit is tweens drive the market so we should market to them.

And too many acts want us to get down into the pit they're in, they don't entice us. Let me see, you've got a mediocre voice with little to say but you're king of your genre so the rest of us should care?

I challenge artists to create world dominating music that does not depend upon endless hype to get people to pay attention as they would to a wreck on the freeway.

It's possible. We've got more tools at our disposal than ever before.

But we're blinking, we're punting.

Malcolm Gladwell creates a whole new non-fiction genre, he popularizes the 10,000 hour rule, but in music all we've got is drum machines and auto-tuned vocals with young people singing the most banal lyrics possible.

Sure, it might be profitable.

But you really want to get rich? Make something everyone can consume. And if you think this means dumbing down, you've never heard of the Beatles.


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Thursday, 24 July 2014

Weird Al's Album

Ben Sisario wrote the definitive statement in the "New York Times": http://nyti.ms/UpCDRQ

The most important element of the above article is the sponsorship story. Weird Al didn't see sponsorship as a way to rip-off corporations to enhance his bottom line, he saw it as a way to broaden his audience.

Al literally piggy-backed on his sponsors, using them to broaden his audience. He got money for videos from partner sites, but most importantly, said videos were featured on these partner sites, bringing him to their people.

What a concept.

This is the future.

And it's funny that someone seen as a sideshow figured this out.

It's hard not to like Mr. Yankovic, and the tragic death of his parents always leaves a soft spot in my heart for him. But Al peaked decades ago, and who knows all the songs he's parodying today anyway? Al was at his most powerful when we lived in a monoculture, when we were all glued to MTV and knew every clip.

And if you believe Al is now a household name amongst the younger generation, you truly believe selling 104,000 albums in a country of 300 million isn't laughable.

Not that Weird Al is bound by the old paradigm. Unlike most acts his age Al realizes it's about streaming. The clips for his new album have been viewed 46 million times.

Take that all you acts who still hew to the old model. Not only is Al making coin in the new realm, he's reaching more people than the old paradigm players. If you want people to pay to discover you're missing the point. The key is to expose as many people to your music as possible, charging them along the way.

And speaking of streaming, Al had 3,282,937 plays on Spotify last week.

So now that more people know who Al is, are familiar with his tracks, other opportunities grow and appear. Live business jumps and if Al chooses, he can sell himself as a pitchman. His phone is ringing.

Furthermore, notice that Al did this himself, the label didn't cough up the money. Because labels are financially challenged, and they don't believe.

But Weird Al did. He took matters into his own hands.

As for the hashtag... The peak was "Sharknado." As for people hashtagging you into prominence, that's a dying game, like ringtones. It's an echo chamber. Beware of the online fad. Not that you shouldn't use it, but don't overestimate its power.

And the fact that Al had 575,000 Wikipedia views last week illustrates his fanbase is growing, it's newbies who go there most.

As for the eight videos in eight days... Never forget that it is primarily video and not music. That Al's famous for clips that play like television as opposed to being completely reliant on tunes. Al's selling comedy, will this work for a traditional musical act? Doubtful.

But melding your music with today's model will work.

Al didn't bitch that the game had changed, he took matters into his own hands. And if there was a print component, it eluded me. Because Al's audience lives online. And the key is to get people to click for cash, to watch videos and stream music. When people read an article about you in the newspaper or magazine the publication gets paid, you do not. In other words, you should go directly where the money is!

And the hype began when the music was available! Al didn't frontload, when he was promoting, people were buying, or experiencing via streams.

And sure, getting to number one on the sales chart is generating publicity, but that's a dying construct. Notice that Sisario included streaming numbers. And that they were impressive and the sales number was not. Soon no one will trumpet sales numbers, they're too anemic, they're nearly meaningless.

So Al has proven himself to be an artist, more insightful than the suits running the labels, as it should be. Creativity should come from the music makers. But over decades the switch has been flipped. It's the label that puts you together with a cowriter and producer, it's the label that says you don't have a single. But no one ever believed in a label, music is all about the artist. And music soars when artists test limits, test preconceptions, when they twist the world to their vision.

Will we be talking about Weird Al's album a month from now?

Highly doubtful. We may not be talking about it a week from now!

What has legs is original tunes. Too often we focus on the business story not realizing the music game is about longevity, that the most money is made when the press is no longer interested.

Al's enhanced his cottage industry. He's paved the way, shone the light on possibilities. In the future musical artists will stop playing the old game of frontloading publicity to generate first week sales and realize it's all about streaming, bolstered by online publicity.

But don't expect old acts to follow in Weird Al's footsteps. They just can't get over the fact that the game has changed.

If you're still bitching that you can't sell your $15 album you're missing the point.

And the point is you've got more tools in your bag than ever before. And it's cheaper than ever to reach people. And others will help you do this. And world domination is difficult, it's best to enhance your territory, grow your base as opposed to trying to reach everybody. If you try new things you can get lucky. That does not mean everybody will care, but more people care about Weird Al than have since the turn of the century. And despite being old he looks young and hip. Weird Al won. Can you?


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Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Digital Presence

1. DIGITAL HOME

A. Wikipedia

Your goal is to be big enough to have a Wikipedia page. It's the first place newbies go to learn about you. It's got the imprimatur of authority, people believe what they read, however inaccurate the details may be. We live in an information age and what we want most is information. Where the act was formed, how you got your name, who the band members are and your discography, including chart placements.

It's best if there's personal information, who you're dating, who you're married to. People want to know you.

However, beware of filling out your page by yourself. One can tell when pages are written by those whose pages they are. They go on just a bit too long, there's too much detail, whereas fans have a different tone, somewhat reverential and completist in a different fashion. After you read someone's Wikipedia page you should still want more.

B. Website/Facebook page/Bandcamp page, etc.

If you don't have a Wikipedia page, because you haven't got enough traction, buy your name and establish a page at that URL. It's got so much more gravitas than a Facebook page. You want to let people know you're for real, that you invested some money, that you're in it for the long haul, anybody can have a Facebook page, it tends not to be taken seriously.

Of course, if you're big enough to have a Wikipedia page, you need your own website and a Facebook page. Once again, on your website, you need to provide information. Like tour dates. And lyrics. And it's best if there's a constant flow of information, so people will come back. And don't put up a paywall, if people believe they can't get it all for free, they're not going to become enamored of you.

2. YOUTUBE

America's radio station and record store all rolled up into one.

All your cuts should be up there. Don't have any fan clips taken down. Just monetize those that appear. The smaller the act, the more important it is to post videos on a regular basis. Of covers. Maybe even of you talking to your audience. But if you're talking, make it brief, you're a musician not an orator and if you go on too long chances are people will get bored, or wonder who these clips are made for.

3. SPOTIFY

Don't bitch about payments, put your music up. All of it.

And you might as well put it up on the rest of the services, like Rdio, Deezer and Beats, but know that only one will triumph in the long run, it's the way of the web, there's only one Google, one Amazon and one Facebook. People gravitate to where everybody else is. Spotify does not have to win, but one streaming service will.

4. SOUNDCLOUD

Gets more ink/press/talk than it deserves, but it is true that the younger generation goes there. Put your stuff up. But know to cover the above bases first.

5. iTUNES AND AMAZON

Buying is so aughts. The teens are not about ownership but access. Sure, make your stuff available for purchase, but that's not where the money is, certainly not in the future. Sure, being number one delivers some bragging rights, but it means less than ever before. Today it's about fanbase and money. Don't get caught up in charts. Don't get caught up in smoke and mirrors. So much of what you see hyped gets no traction, never mind not making any money. That's a fool's errand, playing the popularity game.

If you make it, your fans will make you more popular, they will spread the word, continuously, which news sites never will. News sites are all about the new. They're voracious predators that will squeeze you dry one day and forget about you the next. Use news to make a splash, but it's meaningless unless fans become aware of you, embrace you and tell everybody else about you.

6. SOCIAL MEDIA

People want to interact with you, but don't get caught up in believing the social media game is either necessary or important.

The bottom line is social media is mostly about making the hoi polloi, consumers, fans, feel important. They're the ones that are posting and looking for attention. You want to give them enough info so they'll post about you, but your personal Twitter account doesn't mean much unless you're a worldwide superstar, and so often that doesn't mean much, because those people don't have time to post themselves.

So you want a Facebook page. Don't feel pressured to post on it yourself, let your minions do so.

And you want a Twitter account. It's great if you post, but Twitter can be a huge time-sucker that pays few dividends. Better to practice your instrument than to live on Twitter.

7. GOSSIP

Paris Hilton established the paradigm, Kim Kardashian perfected it. Gossip is a career unto itself, which is why so many of its practitioners are famous for nothing else. So beware of the gossip columns unless that's your primary game, they make musicians look small, which is why Kanye is faltering.

8. NEWS SITES

Press releases are irrelevant unless you're truly a star and your tour is canceled or you kicked out a band member or you signed a movie deal. However, for the past couple of years, it's better if you share this info yourself on one of your own sites. It makes the bond to your fans so much clearer.

9. PERIPHERAL SITES

Just because it's available that does not mean anybody will see it. Sure, stream your album on NPR, if it's available absolutely everywhere else, otherwise it looks like you're playing in a walled garden, one where most people are unaware of you.

It comes down to Google. When I Google your name, what comes up?

Hopefully your personal website and then your Wikipedia page, or vice versa.

Right now there's nowhere to go where all of your online presence is listed, which is why the major sites are so important. Sure, some fans might get past the first page of Google, but most don't get past the first two HITS! Everything I want to know about you should come up there. If not, your team is not doing it right.

10. FADS

The longer we live in the Internet age, the more things stay the same.

It comes down to the art. The music and then the video.

And there's so much information, that it helps to have money to make an initial impression, to get the ball rolling.

And then it's about being available absolutely everywhere so if someone's interested in you, they can experience you.

Don't overthink it. Don't release a single from your album every week. We're on information overload, we can't keep paying attention, the only ones who do are the hardest core of fans.

Beyonce had it right. Announce and release simultaneously, all of it. Because the truth is very little lasts. So you want the benefit of the splash. You want to sell while you're promoting. And if you're lucky, you'll get traction.

Market manipulation is history.

You do it in an obvious way. And you make your fans happy. They are the ones who will grow you, it's very hard to get someone who's not concerned to be so. So much is hyped every day that people don't have time to click through and check you out. The plethora of information might get them to your Wikipedia page, to YouTube, which is why you must have a presence there, but the truth is the power lays in the hands of those you've already converted, they will not stop talking about you, they will implore others to check you out.

Which is why it's so important to focus. When someone spreads the word, make sure one track stands above. That's one great thing about Spotify, they list the tracks in order of popularity. Always put yourself in the shoes of the know-nothings. If they get bitten, how can they enter your universe? Make it complicated, require multiple clicks, more Googling, and they won't make the effort.

Meanwhile, keep feeding your fans. You've got two trains running, making those already converted happy and entrancing new people, and don't confuse the two. Don't wait so long to put out new material that the hard core fan is frustrated and moves on. And don't think that the newbie is interested in anything more than the single.

But if someone is interested, they should be able to go online and go down the rabbit hole into your career. They should be able to spend hours researching, learning and listening. And you've got to make it easy for them to do this, by not only being everywhere, but pointing to what they should devour first. You don't take someone to their first French restaurant and insist that they eat the snails. Start out with the killer onion soup, then maybe the duck. If they like that they'll sample the foie gras and keep talking about you.

Then again, food's got a whole network devoted to it, where the personalities shine but the food trumps and triumphs.

So many in music have lost the plot. Not only does MTV not focus on music, so many musicians are focused on their brand, their stardom and sponsorships. Put the music front and center. If you hew to this mantra the rest will follow.


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Get Me Some Of That

"You're shakin' that money maker, like a heartbreaker, like your college major was
Twistin' and tearin' up Friday nights
Love the way you're wearin' those jeans so tight
I bet your kiss is a soul saver, my favorite flavor, want it now and later
I never seen nothin' that I want so bad
Girl, I gotta get me, gotta get me some of that
Yeah, gotta get me some of that"

Pedestrian lyrics?

You grew up on "I'm Into Something Good" and "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go," tracks so infectious that your barely pubescent body shaked and shimmied as your mouth implored your parents to take you to the record store just so you could buy the disc and play it over and over and over again.

And I feel the same way about Thomas Rhett's "Get Me Some Of That." And so do many others, it went to number one. As well as scoring double digit millions on YouTube. You see music is not in trouble, because those who are winning know it's all about hooks, about singles, about tracks so infectious that people buy tickets just to sing along.

Or to quote someone who keeps decrying the state of today's music industry, SAME AS IT EVER WAS!

It's not so difficult, then again it is. Derek Jeter makes it look effortless, alas, few can do so.

It's that subtle, twinkly guitar intro that initially enraptures you.

And shortly thereafter, Thomas begins to sing...

"Yeah girl, been diggin' on you
Sippin' on drink number two
Tryin' to come up with somethin' smooth
And waitin' on the right time to make my move"

There's not a guy alive who hasn't been in this situation, seeing someone he'd like to get up close and personal with in a bar and screwing up his gumption to do so.

So, the guys are hooked.

And so are the girls, because they're always approachable, if you're cute enough, if your line is good enough, which usually it isn't. So, guys oftentimes don't make the move.

And then there's the reference to "college major," it roots the song, cements the picture, and the truth is colleges are a hotbed of country music, just go to the show if you doubt me.

"Little more what you doin' out there
Swingin' your hips, slingin' your hair
Side to side with your drink in the air
Lord have mercy, now girl, I swear"

And you think it's about your nose, your boobs, no, it's about your ATTITUDE, the way you hold yourself, you can drive us crazy with a swivel, by going deep into your own personal reverie.

But then comes the piece-de-resistance.

"Gotta get your number in my phone"

We're living in the twenty first century, Maroon 5 might have sung about a pay phone, but the country artists are more modern than that. You don't write someone's number down anymore, you put it in your phone!

"In my ride, by my side, down the highway
In the dark, in my arms, in your driveway
All because of that smile you threw my way"

The signal. The wink, the smile. That's what we're looking for, the green light.

But this is fantasy. How do we know?

The way the song gets quiet at the very end and Rhett sings...

"I bet your kiss is a soul saver, my favorite flavor
I want it now and later"

It probably never happened, he was too paralyzed.

But the truth is with a song like "Get Me Some Of That" on an endless loop in your head you get up your courage to take action.

That's the way it always happens, talk to the athletes, charging themselves up with music on their phones.

As for the lyric, it's kind of like "Knocked Up," where the bouncer tells Leslie Mann he'd tap that ass. That's one of the few things I remember about that movie. The truth is guys look at each other as they bring longnecks to their lips and say...they want to get them some of that.

But the truth is they don't look at each other, they can't take their eyes off her. Fantasizing. If only their magic worked, she could be not only Ms. Tonight, but Ms. Right.

Spotify: http://spoti.fi/1nq6XGY

YouTube: http://bit.ly/1fnwUBL


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Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Tom Petty

What's the single?

Where's the single?

You mean it's not out yet?

One thing about getting old is you get tired of the trick, tired of the publicity, tired of the media empire genuflecting for a star, promoting his latest work in order to achieve an auspicious debut that in today's modern era is usually forgotten. Every week there's a new number one. Do you know what it was last week? Furthermore, the paradigm of getting huge first week sales in order to stimulate reorders hearkens back to a day before digital, and I know no one with a dial phone.

What is going on here? How has one of our most thoughtful musicians missed the mark so badly?

I liked what Tom had to say in "Men's Journal." The article in the L.A. "Times" wasn't as good. Jian Ghomeshi did a fabulous podcast. But talking about music is no substitute for the real thing. The reason Tom Petty blew up was because of what came out of the speakers, it was irresistible.

And what I've heard so far is not. But it's only snippets.

And why can I not hear the music when the hype is so big? Today marketing without availability is useless. Ever notice that Steve Jobs almost always finished his product introductions by saying the new item was available TODAY!

Tom, Tom, Tom, you can't have it both ways. You can't live in the modern era and operate like we're living in the past. And you obviously want people to hear the music, you're not doing your best job here. All you're doing is informing hard core fans you've got a new album, and most of them gave up purchasing your new tunes long ago.

So the hype says your new work is a return to the sound of your first two albums. Sounds great, in theory. Where's the cut I can immediately click on to verify this? Otherwise, it's just hot air.

Come on people, especially if you're an oldster who had success once. We live in a singles world, and if you can't deliver a single that wows us instantly and makes us want to hear it incessantly, you're losing. Is it really that hard? You took three years to cut the damn thing. Talk to the major label guys, they won't let a new act put out an album without a certified hit single.

We're always ready for greatness. Nothing would thrill me more than to tell you Tom Petty is back. But I don't know where to start!

The hype just tells me the album is incredible, like I haven't heard THAT before.

And by writing this I'll be inundated with the words of fans who believe they know Tom, his innermost thoughts, even though they've never been within yards of him, never mind spoken to him, telling me how dare I challenge one of our greatest pop/rock stars!

Give me a break. Are you the same people who say you can't criticize the President?

But the truth is these people come from a bygone era, where musicians were our leaders, where we hung on every word. But we haven't had that spirit since 1969, or a few years thereafter.

And why all the frontloading?

Oh, I know, you want to get the word out.

But we live in the Internet era! No one only reads their local paper, if they read that at all. They surf, they either get multiple impressions or you can't reach them. And there are so many new products that unless yours instantly catches fire, it's forgotten.

Come on, Sam Smith led with "Stay With Me." What track are you leading with Tom?

Don't talk to me about radio formats, in today's era you need no radio. Release "Free Fallin'" with the same video and it blows up on YouTube. But something's got to bring me there!

You've got to energize the fans, you've got to do that through the music! Multiple times a day people e-mail me about acts/tracks. The Petty hype is in full swing, but not a single person has e-mailed me a link, no one knows where to start!

And how about spreading the hype out, keeping yourself in the public eye, giving us multiple bites at your album.

And why is there an album at all? It certainly can't be so you can play it live, you know better than anyone that people don't want to hear new music, you can play three or four new cuts and that's stretching it. And can you blame people, when they pay a hundred dollars a ticket!

It's not 1977 anymore. And it's not 1997.

Tom Petty's got fame. He gets to leverage that.

In the old days, we'd be listening to the radio and hear the new cut and the hype would resonate. But I haven't listened to FM since 2003, when I got the satellite. And most of Tom's fans are not rabid about following the music scene, they just want to go to the show and hear their favorites and relive their lives.

Which is why most over the hill acts don't even cut new material, why bother?

But you Tom, you deplore today's 70's style country, you believe you're current, you believe you're relevant...then PROVE IT!

P.S. If you're an antique act I want you to stop bitching about the present, you're making much more money on the road than your older brothers, ticket prices have far exceeded inflation. Sure, recorded revenue is down, but it's more than made up for by ducats and sponsorship.

P.P.S. You grew up in the album era, the album is dead, unless it's a concept. Write the new "Sgt. Pepper," we're ready, but even Paul McCartney can't do that. So woodshed in the studio until you come up with a hit single. Sure, you can work with Max Martin/Dr. Luke, but you don't have to sell your soul, you can do it alone, if you've still got the chops, but the truth is most of you don't, you're just not as hungry anymore.

P.P.P.S. We live in an immediate society where no one wants to wait. We read online and we want a link where we can hear the music and only the music just that fast. We don't want a link to hear the whole damn album previewed on NPR or anywhere else.

P.P.P.P.S. Forget the frontload, that's for movies, and they're not doing that well. Your track will only sustain, as will your career, if the story is ongoing, if the track sticks and you follow it up with another one. Every day there's another product hyped, and every day it's forgotten. Your challenge is to find something that STICKS!

P.P.P.P.P.S. The Tom Petty hype is superfluous, we don't need to know more about him, it's all a front for the fact that he's got new music. Which we can't hear!

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Spoon-feed people, make it easy. Amazon has one click, people should be able to find your music easily everywhere they look. Forget about money, if you can get people to listen and continue to listen, cash will rain down.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. First you go to YouTube. Search on "Tom Petty." You'd have no idea there's a new album, nothing comes up! If the hype is done right it makes people want to check out the music, which is unhearable, never mind a focus on one specific track. Oldsters, they hate the future but refuse to get with the program.

FINALLY

If you search on Spotify (and in iTunes), you will find one track from the new album, "Fault Lines." I dare you to listen to it. (Never mind buy it, how stupid a paradigm is that? You want me to pay to discover whether I like something, how quaint, how 1969. The future is charging me for checking it out, and continuing to charge if it's so good I want to listen to it some more!)

So, the first album starts with "American Girl." "Breakdown" broke the album wide open.

The second led with "Listen To Her Heart." Which led with its hook and enraptured you.

Needless to say, "Refugee" exploded out of the speakers, making "Damn The Torpedoes" a gigantic hit.

And "Fault Lines" starts with an endless, pedestrian drum and then a reasonable guitar hook, but the point is for someone whose career was based on the compact single, the intro to "Fault Lines" is so damn long that you'd have to be a diehard fan to wait until Tom starts to sing. Needless to say, "Fault Lines" is not even close to the aforementioned tracks from the initial LPs. Wasn't anybody home? Couldn't anybody say no?

"Fault Lines" makes Katy Perry looks like a genius. Luke Bryan too. The game isn't that hard to understand, grab us by the balls and PULL!

"Fault Lines": http://spoti.fi/UmQTut


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Modern Life

We know everything and we know nothing.

We know that a plane was shot down over Ukraine, but we've got no idea what the number one record is.

We're grazers, we're surfers, according to Google, we pull our smartphones from our pockets 125 times a day. We want to be on the pulse, but no one is quite sure what the pulse is and everybody purveying is battling for mindshare, unaware that total domination is a fool's game, unless you're an element of a shocking news story or provide technology we can all use.

That's right. Everybody can debate the merits of the iPhone versus Android. Some may only know you can get the latter cheaper, others know further deep details. But that's because you use your phone all day long, you don't listen to the same record all day long, you might not listen to music at all!

And everyone's so overloaded, no one's got any time. It's all about the headlines and a few verticals. It may be the golden age of television, but who's got the time to watch all those shows? And, if you are, you're not listening to music.

And movies are a dying art form. My recommendation of the day is Bert Easton Ellis's podcast, wherein he intellectually dissects issues of culture, film and TV. Michael Tolkin said his twentysomething children never go to the movies, Ellis said it's hard to get his twentysomething boyfriend to watch a flick, and Tolkin said that just because Kevin Smith watches a movie every night, and discusses film with his brethren online, that does not mean it's a mainstream pastime.

Huh?

We've got the bottom feeders, the lowest common denominator sites with traffic and ink that are all about clicks, like BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post. And now even the "New York Times" is worried it's not playing the game right, it wants its writers to promote their words on social media, believing if you don't join them, you're dead, but that could not be further from the truth. Do you remember when "Rolling Stone" remade its magazine into bite-sized chunks when "Blender" made inroads with that style? Turns out "Blender" lied about its numbers, and the magazine is extinct today.

But stories keep getting shorter in the belief that people have a short attention span.

But the truth is people are overwhelmed with grazing, there's so much information, that they can only go deep in a few areas, and those in the arts just cannot fathom this.

Nobody wants the album because unlike the artists who made them, they don't care that much and don't have enough time, they'd rather listen to ten tracks by different people than ten by one. Of course there are exceptions, but that's just what they are. Some acts have deep fanbases, they're the iPhones of the world, the rest are Windows phones or BlackBerries, with a few diehard fans who keep trumpeting their features while the rest of us ignore them, because the truth is we all want to be mainstream, we're all afraid of being left on the scrapheap.

So the true winner in the future will be whoever controls the top list, whoever lists what is popular. This is why sales charts are death, they don't reflect popular usage. Bitch all you want about streaming economics, but the truth is that's how the public consumes.

So what we're experiencing is a winnowing out process. Everybody can play, but only a few can win. If you think the Huffington Post is for tomorrow, you only live in today. The "New York Times" has nothing to worry about, because they're the only company that features real, in depth reporting, and he who controls information wins in the end.

But the "New York Times" is laboring under the conceit that it's bigger than its writers, which is completely topsy-turvy. Today we believe in the individual, whether it be Elon Musk, Tim Cook, Ezra Klein or Rupert Murdoch. You hitch your star to the star. Otherwise you descend. Because people don't trust institutions, they don't trust corporations, they only trust individuals. So if you're building an enterprise, focus on the talent. We can all identify with the talent. We believe Nate Silver has authority when it comes to data, the new people writing in the "New York Times" Upshot...WHO ARE THEY?

So you've got two sides to the equation, the seller and the buyer, and what's even worse, so many are both. Very few are passive today. People may be surfing the headlines, but they're also embellishing their personal brand, they want you to stop by at their Facebook page, check out their Twitter feed, when we ran out of time eons ago. So we gravitate to that which is in our face all day every day. Which is why if you want to be a famous musician, you've got to dominate the news cycle. This is what the Kardashians do so well and the bands do so poorly.

Or else you could make a song so good that it dominates the discussion. But we can't even agree on a song of the summer this summer. Is that because one's not good enough or because there's no consensus, because we're all scurrying off in our own direction.

So there are some who sit home self-satisfied, saying they know what's going on, when that's damn near impossible.

And then there are those who not only yearn for the days of yore, they keep bitching about what is lost in the new era.

And then there are those who do their best to keep up. And they're the majority of the population. They're trying to cobble together a life. Trying to decide what is necessary. Whether to look for love online or in real life. Whether to turn off their devices to enrich the experience or be fearful of missing out.

It's the culture stupid!

You might think it's about money and quality and marketing, but the truth is the culture has changed, and those who do not adopt their companies and their products to the new culture are bound to be forgotten.

Today you can truly be famous for fifteen minutes and forgotten shortly thereafter.

The key is to sustain.

And you do this by being in front of everybody with a quality product on a regular basis.

And that's damn hard to do. That's why Luke Bryan puts out two albums a year, why his label keeps pushing singles to the top of the chart, and most Americans still have no idea who he is!

Beyonce may be famous, but few know her new music.

And "Orange Is the New Black" may get great reviews, but who's got 25 hours to dedicate to the show when there's so much else to experience? Or, if you do, what else are you sacrificing?

So stop bitching and start figuring out how to play the new game.

Everybody else is.

Bret Easton Ellis Podcast: http://podcastone.com/Bret-Easton-Ellis-Podcast?showAllEpisodes=true


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