So Old, So Young

https://www.amazon.com/So-Old-Young-Novel/dp/166805177X It was hard getting into another book after "London Falling." We're searching for excellence in a world of me-too. And even though we all use the same language, the same alphabet, certain artists rise above. Then again, how many people creating deserve the term "artist"? That's one thing that struck me in "So Old, So Young," the musical references. Mindless tripe like Justin Timberlake. This is the music of the millennials. Oh, Timberlake is more talented than most, but compared to even the lowliest of the classic rockers... And don't fault me for being myopic, that rock savant known as Barry Manilow had this to say in the "Los Angeles Times" after lamenting modern pop has no melody: "But the way they’re writing songs these days is not the way I know how to write songs. They don't do a verse, a chorus, a bridge, a chorus, a big ending. To me, when I listen, the songs feel like run-on sentences." https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2026-05-27/barry-manilow-cancer-las-vegas-new-album-bette-midler-dionne-warwick And there you have it. Anyway, "So Old, So Young" employs the classic formula of friends go to college together and then their lives are delineated as the years go by. The first book I read in this genre was actually nonfiction, 1977's "Loose Change" by Sara Davidson. You get wrapped up in the women's world and... That's why I reserved "So Old, So Young" at the library. The "New York Times" review said: "Grant Ginder's 'So Old, So Young,' about friends who met at the University of Pennsylvania navigating careers and families, while drifting apart over the course of almost two decades..." I'm a sucker for this stuff. Maybe because as time goes by you change, or you don't. But the truth is despite so many doing their best to hang on, we all evolve. And this is described so well in "So Old, So Young." "Things would change little by little, until they didn't recognize each other at all." I reconnected with my best friend from high school a couple of years back, we hadn't seen each other in decades, and although we still communicated, we couldn't connect, we'd taken different paths, turned into different people. "There was always the chance that they would both realize that the people they had turned into were totally incompatible with the versions of themselves that they remembered—that what they had been chasing wasn't actually each other, but the way they used to feel when they were together." It was a time and place, and you have vivid memories, but that path reached an end, the feeling can never be recaptured. "They were never going to stop growing up. Why was that so hard to accept?" I see this constantly amongst my fellow baby boomers, who dress as teenagers to go see bands they loved when they were still in high school. They feel if they just believe nothing has changed, that will be the case. Yet that is delusional. "They were going to lose parts of themselves that they had thought were irreplaceable, only to find that they didn't miss them at all." This is what growing up looks like. You're confronted with this when you run into people you used to know, or even your parents, who think your interests have remained the same, even though you've moved on. It's okay to get old. It's scary, but you get to learn new things, change your behavior, everybody says they want to stay young, not me, I think of all the mistakes I made back then...I know why I committed them, but with what I know now I can play the game of life so much better. "Because staying young forever wasn't just impossible—it was exhausting. No one was meant to shoulder that amount of possibility for very long." You've got to let go. Realize you've made your choices and you can't go back to the beginning. That's for young people. You can adjust, but you'll never be twenty five again, thank god. So what we've got in "So Old, So Young," is a group of just graduated college buddies who are now living in apartments in New York, starting their careers. One is rich enough to work at a gallery, but it's funny, as time goes by, others make much more money, her standard of living is not as high as it was when she was supported by her automobile dealership owning father. And then there is Richie, who is out, and Adam who is not. It's still a struggle for many, even if your parents accept you, do they really? Do people now treat you differently? And then there's the romantic connection... This is extremely well done, especially from the viewpoint of a guy, when you realize the woman who is talking to you likes you, is maybe even infatuated with you. It's rare, but it happens. So they get jobs and lose them and are confronted with life choices. Can you leave the city for your boyfriend's new job? And if you don't, will you regret it, possibly forever? Most of the people from the past...if you actually connect with them, you don't want to be with them, oftentimes it's a fantasy, but not always. So years go by and the group keeps reconnecting. There are weddings, birthday parties... Are you invited? Are you part of the core group? And if you're not, can you weasel your way in? And then there's the issue of your significant other...you may love them, but will your longtime friends? And will said significant other read the tea leaves and adjust their behavior to fit in? So many can't, and this ends up severing relationships. And life evolves. You're on a fast career path and then you get fired. You like to imbibe and have fun, but does the liquor take over your life to your detriment? And are children part of the plan? The best sequence in the book is when the singles go into the suburbs for a birthday party for their friend's new friends and children... Even better is what is said which should not be. The beginning of the book is confusing. Too many names and backstories to keep track of. But if you stay with it, you start to read the identities, but even better you get hooked into the behavior of the individuals. And then there's the big blow-up. Based on people saying what they should not, behaving as they should not. You've been there, you're so frustrated with the behavior of your so-called best friend that you let loose with invective that puts a stake in the heart of the relationship. And this is no longer college, everybody can retreat into their lives with their new friends. And then there are the people you couldn't tolerate who ultimately become your besties. It's all in "So Old, So Young." This is not highbrow work, but it is ultimately fulfilling, because when it all starts to gel about forty percent through you get hooked because you've been there, you have old friends and new ones, you've been growing up, how do you handle it? I won't quite call "So Old, So Young" a beach read, it's more than that. But you might want to crack it out in the sun this summer. Then again, you become involved in its world. You can discuss what happens with your fellow readers thereafter, but it's what you feel when you're reading it... Growing up is the same for every generation, it's only the details that change. The methods of communication, i.e. today's constant connection via the smartphone, and Uber and...everybody's so networked today, which is why when you fall out with someone it's so glaring. Not everybody is going to like this book, not everybody is going to get past the beginning, but you know if this is the kind of book that appeals to you. Ultimately, it's only people and how they navigate life that is interesting. This is what fiction does best. We're flooded with headlines of the antics of people both famous and not, but what we are almost never exposed to is the inner dialogue of these people, and everybody has one. Then again, so many deny it, it's too painful to accept their faux pas and the fact that they've grown up and are now different. I had to stay up late last night to finish "So Old, So Young," and I know some of you will have to too. -- Visit the archive: http://lefsetz.com/wordpress/ -- Listen to the podcast: -iHeart: https://ihr.fm/2Gi5PFj -Apple: https://apple.co/2ndmpvp -- http://www.twitter.com/lefsetz -- If you would like to subscribe to the LefsetzLetter, http://www.lefsetz.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=1 If you do not want to receive any more LefsetzLetters, http://lefsetz.com/lists/?p=unsubscribe&uid=0eecea7b60b461717065cbde887c8e25 To change your email address http://lefsetz.com/lists/?p=preferences&uid=0eecea7b60b461717065cbde887c8e25