Saturday, 1 February 2020

Growing Up

First you're too young and then you're too old.

Come on, you remember going to the amusement park and not reaching the line, now you've got no desire to go on the rides.

I was always the youngest until my hair started falling out in my early twenties. Then, instantly, I became old. There was no in-between. I waited to be twenty one, even though you could drink and drive at eighteen in Vermont (and I did both simultaneously, this was before Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and if you know Vermont locals, life tends to be short, as a result of misadventure, when was the last time you played "chicken"?), but it seemed I could not relish the change in how I felt and how I was perceived as I reached this landmark age. It's probably worse now, when everybody starts their career right out of college, but then you turn thirty and re-evaluate and you feel lousy, like you haven't accomplished much, not knowing when you turn sixty thirty will seem like a baby.

You're angsting and struggling, especially in your twenties and thirties. Then, you wake up one day and you are who you are, that's all she wrote, sure Julia Child made it in her old age but most people do not. As for retiring...they tell you in the entertainment business, suddenly the young clients don't want to be talking to the old person. And then you get to the point where you don't care, even though you used to care so much.

And hopefully you've got enough money to sail into the sunset. Many do not, and you can't live on social security, no way. And it's funny, except for the truly rich, it's like being back in high school, everybody essentially equal, what your job was no longer matters, everybody's on an equal plane.

I don't want that, I want to work forever. For the fulfillment if not the money. And I need the money, there's no way I could retire.

But last night we watched "Annie Hall" and I realized how old I am.

First and foremost, Woody Allen and Diane Keaton look young, and they're way younger than me. I remember seeing the two on Broadway, in "Play It Again, Sam", wanting to be living that life too.

So "Annie Hall" is about the struggle. Do you remember the struggle? Trying to find the right person to live with, to marry, to spend the rest of your life with?

There were no shortcuts, no online dating, you had to go out as opposed to staying in, which is the standard today. They're waiting on line for the movies, and in New York it is "on line," not "in line," and I remember this. Movies were a way of life. Television was a second-class citizen, it did not drive the culture. And if you were in New York or L.A. you had to go an hour in advance, just to get in, films did not open in three thousand theatres, they were platformed, and the successful ones played for months! And when they fell off, you went to revival houses to catch up. This was when you could still be an expert, before the tsunami of pictures, when we all became overwhelmed.

So Alvy and Annie are playing tennis and...

She hits on him.

Not exactly, but she's the one who starts the conversation, she's the one who asks him if he has a car. Men love this, that's how we know you're interested. And I've lived this more than once, and it always resulted in a relationship.

But Annie lacks self-confidence, and Alvy is worried about what he says before he finds out who she really is. He wonders what she looks like naked...can you even say that anymore?

It's a shock watching this film from 1977. The landlines, the lack of smartphones. You're brought back to that era when we were all not connected, when we were foraging for connection.

But we still had our neuroses.

Alvy can't go to a movie after it starts. Neither can I, I'm always thinking I've missed something. And for me, a movie is not entertainment, but life itself, which is one of the reasons the comic book movies don't work for me, I'm interested in humanity, real life, insight.

And the seventies were the heyday of film. Starting in the late sixties to be truthful, with "The Graduate" and "Bonnie & Clyde." The Oscars were important because the stars were really stars and even bigger than those on screen were those behind the camera.

And then came "Jaws" and "Star Wars" and the industry realized how much money could be made, and the change began. Now, movies about everyday people, everyday situations, have been wiped from the cinema.

So Alvy wants to improve Annie and she constantly laments that she's not smart enough. You don't realize you can't do this until you're fifty or sixty, you've got to accept them as they are or they leave you.

Furthermore, Annie broadens her horizons and Alvy then becomes possessive, he doesn't want her to leave the nest.

So they break up.

And then get back together.

You're foraging for people and...

It's not like today, where you're going on scores of dates, one and done. Occasionally you had one date, but most people were looking for a relationship, not because they needed to settle down, but because they were lonely, they were sick of looking at the four walls.

And if you made the connection within a year you were living together, even though your parents thought you should get married. Sometimes even our significant other wanted to get married. But, once again, we saw life as a continuum, a big game, and we didn't want to retire so soon. That's one of the reasons I never had kids, I never wanted to put myself in the back seat, never mind pay for them, even though I now know that we're just animals, here to reproduce, and no one will be remembered, and you should have kids, not that I have any regrets.

So, this person knows you better than anybody else in the world. And then you're disconnected? There was no ghosting, endings were never clean. You usually had to break up multiple times before it was truly over, and then it never really was, you still thought about them.

And you missed the sex. With someone you loved.

But then you had to go forward.

Eventually you settled down. You were worried that you were gonna miss your chance, and women have a biological clock, at least before egg-freezing and implantation and they couldn't wait while you deliberated.

But it didn't work out.

Baby boomers...the younger you got married, the sooner you got divorced. People who raised kids, who seemed part of the firmament, suddenly they broke apart. Some left for other people, some never found other people. And if you've never lived with somebody, never been married, people avoid you.

So Paul Simon, who was once young, you can see it here, tries to steal Annie.

How do you keep a woman?

Sure, there's all this talk about keeping a man. And some of them do have affairs, but if your significant other or wife works outside the home and talks about their male coworkers you're always wondering...are they gonna trade up? Even the rich and powerful have to worry about this, can you say Lauren Sanchez? How does Patrick Whitesell put one foot in front of another these days, when a good friend stole his wife. And there's always someone richer, or more attractive, or less neurotic... Most men are insecure, despite media portraying them otherwise. They don't want to be at the bar watching sports with their buddies and coming home to an empty apartment, no way.

So my whole life passed and I didn't even realize it!

Things are good now on every front, work and relationship, but for so long they were not. And if work is not good, it hurts the relationship, money changes everything, especially when you haven't got it.

And Alvy and Annie are always going out. Sure, they're in New York City, but the truth is the older you get the less you go out. And you can never drop in on anyone, that's anathema.

And the film is littered with conversation. And if you grew up on the east coast you instantly want to go back, to feel that pulse. But it comes with a lot of b.s. and everybody in this film wants to move to L.A. Then again, this was before the days of cheap air travel, most people had never been to Los Angeles, they had no idea what they were missing.

And today Woody Allen is a pariah. Whether he should or shouldn't be. Funny how things change.

Just like the winners of yore, so many are done today. They've been pushed out of the corporation, a new regime has taken over, their work was their identity and suddenly there's no work and they don't know who they are.

I remember when my mother used to call people in their forties young and I winced. Now I can remember what happened forty years ago, and just like my mother couldn't believe a pastrami sandwich was $3.95, I can't believe it's now twenty bucks! As for the price of concert tickets... Even worse, I've lost my money sense, I remember when a millionaire was a millionaire, but today the median income in America is $61,937 and you're struggling on that. Then again, after running out of money I sacrificed, I'm still sacrificing, but nobody is anymore, they're driving German iron and flying not only for vacations, but shows.

I've lost my reference points. I used to have them, but I lived too long, I've seen too much.

I'm trying to make sense of it, but then I watch "Annie Hall" and recognize my youth, my twenties and thirties, which are far from yesterday, and it seems my bedrock identity is back there.

We used to have time to dream, set our minds free. Today, everything is in-your-face, active, not passive. We don't reminisce and plan so much as do. But without reflection, the direction you pursue is hobbled.

And on one hand I have the oldsters with their malarkey, yearning to go back to the past, and on the other the youngsters, who can't believe we lived in an era without flat screens, without streaming media, without social networks. I often asked my mother what it was like living before television. Now I know, I lived before the internet. Seems quaint, don't you think?

And to tell you the truth, today's era is much better. There's none of that boredom, none of that wasted time in the clubs, there's stimulation at your fingertips.

But with every step forward something is lost.

But it's minor. Ask kids today if they miss vent windows. They may not even have a car, never mind one without a/c.

Oh yeah, a/c was a novelty not only in cars, but homes. We shvitzed.

But that era is now gone.

And soon we will be too. With all our stories, all our memories.

It's the way of the world.

But we thought we were different, that the rules didn't apply to us.

We were wrong.


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Friday, 31 January 2020

More Bernie Sanders

It's bottom-up.

As opposed to top-down.

This is what traditional media does not understand, it believes it makes kings and queens and anybody it does not report on doesn't count.

But that's fallacious.

You can't be in it for the short haul anymore, the game is too tough, the lane is too cluttered, if you want to succeed and sustain, you've got to start small and grow. You've got to infect people who spread the word about you. People don't want billionaires to tell them what to think and they don't want traditional media to either, they want to hear it from their peers.

Now ever since the Iraq war, we've been expecting a protest song, a hit. But none has come. Many have been written, but none have had traction, because you just can't reach everybody anymore, and in an era where tracks can take over a year to break through, something of the moment, something timely, does not apply.

This is one of the reasons SNL is challenged, Lorne Michaels has even admitted it...what do we all know, what can we do jokes about that everybody will get?

Very little.

Concomitantly there are all these stories about starting small and staying small. Sure, you can make money that way, but the power of a musician is their influence. Reach enough people and you affect them. And artists always want a larger audience. And their only hope for success today is their fans, hoping they'll do the work the media machine used to.

Ever heard of Killer Mike?

If you're not a rap fan, probably not. Unless you've seen him on Bill Maher's "Real Time" or are aware he's a supporter of Bernie Sanders.

Killer Mike is no Johnny-come-lately. He was for Sanders back in 2016, he has not wavered, and this will continue to pay dividends for the man and his duo Run The Jewels.

Rappers have proven this, this is what features have wrought, trying to leverage someone else's fan base to burnish your own.

Then again, people have become wary. But it still works. But despite the dominance of hip-hop, its lessons are ignored by traditional media, even though it absolutely dominates streaming services, never mind the hearts and minds of listeners.

Hip-hop did this by embracing the new. By giving it away for free, mixtapes, Soundcloud. By jumping on Spotify when all the oldsters said it was the devil, they still think it's the devil! But ask Lil Nas X, anybody with a billion streams how much they're making. A lot! But you cling to your album and sales as your continue to marginalize yourself.

You've got to get in the game.

Everybody wants a button to push, wants to count on someone else to do the job. They believe it's the last century where the label could blow you up from nothing. But today the label looks at your streams and socials before they even sign you, you do the heavy lifting, not them, they're just the cherry on top.

As for Billie Eilish...

She was a five year overnight success. Built on Soundcloud, leveraging her acolytes. She just didn't drop an album and go to the top of the chart, the buzz was already there, she just capitalized on it.

The buzz is with Bernie Sanders.

But ancient ones believe they can control buzz. That they can manipulate buzz. That they are in control.

It's no different from labels invading TikTok. They think it's forever, like Guitar Hero. But the thing about the populace is once it smells manipulation, it's done, and it's got no bedrock investment in fads.

100 gecs broke doing Minecraft festivals. You probably don't play the game and have no idea what I'm talking about. Proving, once again, you're better off sitting on your phone/computer than going to lunch if you want to know what's going on. Oldsters lament the smartphone, say it's killing society. Youngsters rely on it, it's their means of connection, they know more people than ever, and they leverage this connection.

So if you want to have influence, you'd better get on the Sanders bandwagon now.

Not only is Bernie leading in fundraising, but celebrity endorsement. Scroll down to the bottom of this page, Bernie's musician endorsements: https://bit.ly/3aWyjSB

You see Bernie Sanders is bigger than any musical act. Bigger than Drake, bigger than Jay Z, bigger than anybody who broke this century.

It's not a reflection on the music, but reality. The only people with total mindshare are politicians, and the occasional billionaire like Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos and possibly Elon Musk. As for Michael Bloomberg, even though he dominates Wall Street the average American is clueless as to his identity. He's making inroads via television advertising, but it's hard to change hearts and minds, it's a process.

Everything's a process these days. In a world where oldsters say youngsters have short attention spans. Nothing could be further from the truth! Youngsters just don't want to waste time, they're always saying "next" until they find what they want, and when they do, they'll spend hours consuming it, days, they want to drill down deep. Oldsters believe it's about grazing, youngsters have given up knowing everything, they just want to know some things incredibly well.

Never has a number one record meant less. Never have stars had less reach. There are too many choices.

Yes, labels only focus on a few, to their ultimate detriment. It's about servicing the populace at large, or sacrificing share to newbies. Add up all the marginal and you end up with the maximum.

And once the spotlight is upon you you must project credibility. In a dishonest world, this is what people become bonded to. They want you to be true to yourself, your ideas, your mission, irrelevant of whether it's popular. And in a world where nerds have power, why should anybody kowtow to the cool who believe they control the marketplace. Remember when the guys in leather jackets and skinny jeans decried your musical taste, when they thought they controlled what was worth listening to?

Well today, we often find we're watching different TV shows, never mind listening to different music. Being cool is rarely a factor, and it's certainly not controlled by critics, but the masses online.

The masses determine what is a hit, certainly in visual media, they just check Rotten Tomatoes and that's it. A low rating will be the death of you. But it's even worse, your reputation lives online forever, so if you blow it a couple of times in a row by selling out, not trying your hardest, playing to a theoretical marketplace as opposed to the real one, you're toast.

So if you get behind Bernie Sanders, you get instant attention. Your credibility soars amongst a huge group of people, primarily the young. It's like being a featured rapper! And, when you go on stage, doing rallies and fundraisers, the spotlight is upon you, you're out of your traditional world, people are exposed to you, they become aware of you, which is the highest hurdle in today's world, if you deliver you'll crawl further up the food chain.

Maybe Sanders won't make it. Timing is everything. Maybe the transition to online marketing controlled by the hoi polloi is not complete.

But it'll be here soon.

And there's no way to measure it, no way to penetrate it, until there's a vote. And that's when people are surprised, the traditional media foremost, who couldn't see Trump coming.

Every action has a reaction.

Trump was built by television.

Bernie Sanders was built by the internet.

If you're watching Fox or MSNBC to take the country's temperature the laugh is on you. Those are just glorified talk shows, they do no reporting. The information is online, it's spread online, you receive it online.

And right now an army of youngsters has gotten the Bernie memo. Which is why his numbers keep going up and up.

It's crunch time.

Which side are you on?

"100 Gecs' Musical Scrapyard": https://bit.ly/2Uef40J

"Killer Mike: I'm With The Revolutionary": https://bit.ly/2Uh8MgO

"Here's the Candidate Your Favorite Celeb Is Supporting Ahead of Iowa Caucuses": https://bit.ly/37MS5Ol

"Bernie Sanders' real obstacle is not Trump. It's the Democratic establishment: The fact that Sanders can succeed without the party machine enrages those who sacrificed their idealism to play the game": https://bit.ly/36JpB6Q


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Thursday, 30 January 2020

Impeachment

And you wonder why Bernie Sanders is rising in the polls.

Now let me get this straight, up is down. If I'm doing it in pursuit of the general happiness, it's all right, I can skate. Does this mean if I'm doing it for my team, my corporation, my household, it's cool too?

Now law school teaches you that everybody is entitled to a defense. And the attorney must be an advocate for the defendant. But by claiming a President can do whatever he wants if he believes it benefits the country, because he believes he's the best person to be in charge and no action he partakes is illegal, Alan Dershowitz not only tarnished his reputation, but that of Donald Trump too, as if it could get any lower.

Check the late night shows, check the media, they're laughing hysterically, making fun of this defense. Did it behoove Trump's case? Of course not, just the opposite!

Welcome to 2020, where money rules and if you don't have it you don't matter. That's another reason Bernie is surging, he's not taking usual suspect money, from the banks, from the corporations, and when he's attacked, his donations go up! You see Bernie Sanders is our last best hope.

Oh, I know, you've triangulated, you're an expert in the field, so you know better.

Then how come your business was disrupted by the internet, how come you didn't see Trump's election coming?

So, you can cheat and get away with it.

Bill Clinton.

Tom Brady and the Patriots.

Lori Loughlin.

The Houston Astros.

Furthermore, you lie in court. The oath? It means nothing! What kind of bizarre world do we live in where the flag gets more respect than the duty to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

I get it, I get it. You're a Trumper. You want takers to be cut off and you want manufacturing to come back to America and you're no different from the cheaters above, if it's good for the team, you're all for it.

Where's morality?

Which, ironically, is what the Trumpers and the Christian Right keep telling the lefties they lack!

So Bernie Sanders is our only hope.

It's funny. The mainstream media is freaking out. They're talking about "Bernie Bros," uncontrollable acolytes who will say and do anything in defense of their candidate. Remind you of someone? A TRUMP FAN!

But passion is irrelevant to those in charge.

So the other night, Michelle Goldberg wrote that it can't be Bernie, after Ezra Klein posited that Democrats must appeal to centrists, but not Republicans.

Both of these opinion pieces were in the "New York Times."

And Krugman and Brooks have weighed in too. AND THEY'VE BEEN EXCORIATED!

I never read the comments. Then David Krebs told me he did and now I check them out.

So, just after Goldberg's screed posted, there were already 304 comments, nearly all supporting Bernie.

And by the next day, when comments were in four digits, we had the usual three columns: the endless scroll of comments, and those picked by readers and those picked by the "Times" itself. The readers picked pro-Bernie comments, overwhelmingly. But the "Times"? It picked a ton of anti-Bernie screeds.

Everybody is protecting what they've got. The media has cozied up to the power brokers, the rich, the CEOs, a cabal not including you, and they don't want that investment threatened.

And those with any cash? They're afraid they're gonna lose some. Their health care is gonna go away. Once again, these are the same people who were disrupted by twentysomethings online, don't they realize change is inevitable, that you can't hold back the tide and you're best off swimming with it?

So Biden is so full of b.s. he can't even get it out.

Buttigieg moved to the center because he was getting no traction on the left.

Warren was gung-ho, the leader, until she succumbed to the blowback and compromised. To live outside the law you must be honest. And she wasn't.

But Bernie has been...FOR DECADES!

Who you gonna believe in?

Not musicians.

Let's see, I'm gonna listen to Billie Eilish who was home-schooled, lives in a bubble and has finally reached 18? She's got no experience!

That canard about the youth leading, OK Boomer, the truth is the country is being led by said boomers and Gen-X'ers. And Millennials who are in their thirties. They're experienced, they've seen the movie.

As for movies... Believe me, a superhero isn't gonna fly down from the sky to save us, no way.

As for Elon Musk, the bears must bite him, because electric cars are a bad idea and if we can't pollute we're un-American.

Are you getting this nonsense?

It's being fed to us each and every day. And people at home are scratching their heads.

But it's worse than that. They feel powerless.

So, you're number two in your class, and just before the valedictorian speaks you find out they cheated. Do you blow the whistle or let it slide?

That's what the Republicans are doing with Bolton, they want us to let it slide.

As for executive privilege... In a world where there's no privacy, one guy is above the law? And can I now refuse to show my receipts when audited by the IRS? Oh, that's right, the odds are extremely low, because the IRS has been hobbled, the rich don't like it.

We can't see Trump's tax returns because he's being audited. But isn't he President? Couldn't he speed up the process?

OF COURSE NOT!

Because it's all a lie.

And we've been lied to ad infinitum.

It's not only the government, but the corporations. Climate change is a hoax, smoking is harmless, whatever puts cash in my coffers is cool.

I get it, I get it, you don't want an election overruled. Let's wait until November. Then why have an impeachment clause at all? What is it for?

Ever hear that you can lose by winning?

That's what the Republicans are doing here, that's why they got beaten in 2018. If you push it too far, there's a cost.

But not according to the media establishment, insiders, they think they rule, that the game is forever.

And that game is not working for the hoi polloi, either the right or the left.

Of course it's the economy, stupid. It's not working for so many.

As for not believing Bolton, with firsthand knowledge, then who can we believe, nobody?

As for the word if you vote against McConnell, you'll have your head on a pike, isn't this what the sixties revolution was all about, a backlash to groupthink?

I thought in the good ole' U.S.A. we lauded the rugged individual. NOT IN CONGRESS!

So, Bernie is gonna go all the way. And either you're on his team or you're not. This is the left's chance to throw a spanner in the works.

Everything happens slowly in the social media age. You can't get the word out.

Sanders laid the groundwork in 2016, and he's reaping the rewards today.

It does not matter what naysayers say. You see voting is private, no one knew all those people were up for Trump.

As for nothing having changed under Trump...try getting an abortion, watch while your significant other gets deported.

But everyone believes if you say it it's true. And if you say it enough, people will stop paying attention, they will be defeated.

So there's one last chance to save our democracy. This is the Hail Mary.

It is not business as usual.

Not only the right can rise up.

But you've got to be angry, you've got to have passion, you've got to have a leader.

We've heard empty promises our whole lives. Meanwhile, our infrastructure falls apart, the rich cheat to get into college, but we're supposed to accept it.

Same as it ever was.

But NO!

The Sanders tsunami is the story of 2020. Unforeseen, an unstoppable juggernaut. Sanders has the cash and the believers. You don't fight today's battles on TV, that's so last century. Today it's all about one to one, which cannot be measured by Nielsen.

If Trump is acquitted, it's only going to light further fires under the Bernie banner.

Just you watch.


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Desmond Child-This Week's Podcast

"Tommy used to work on the docks..."

I've been dining out on Desmond Child stories all week.

I thought Desmond was an imposing, off-putting guy until I met him, but the truth is he's an open, engaging guy I could talk to forever, I think we're soul brothers.

If you ever wanted to write a song, if you do write songs, even if you're a famous songwriter, you MUST listen to this podcast as Desmond delineates how he did it, what he learned from Bob Crewe...YOU START WITH THE TITLE!

So Desmond goes to Richie Sambora's mother's house, and that's what he's brung, a title...YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!

Oh, there's a bit more, he's got a riff, a groove he used on a Bonnie Tyler track that only hit in France and Richie doesn't want to play no disco but when Desmond says to try it on the guitar...

A hit is born!

Even better is the story of walking into Aerosmith's warehouse, where Joe Perry's working on a loop and Steven Tyler starts singing...

I don't want to ruin it, but ultimately it becomes "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)."

It started with Kiss's "I Was Made For Lovin' You," which is the band's most played cut on Spotify.

Paul Stanley went to hear Desmond Child & Rouge and backstage suggests that he and Desmond write together. Ergo that song. Written during a break at SIR.

And then comes the tenure with Bob Crewe. Listen and you'll learn why Desmond is so successful.

Desmond is so open. He lays it all out. You must listen.

And while you're listening, you can check out Desmond's version of some of these songs online.

Oh, I know what you're thinking. This is Jimmy Webb, Burt Bacharach, a behind-the-scenes guy sans vocal chops looking for his moment in the spotlight. Furthermore, these songs are cut LIVE! How good could they be?

PHENOMENAL!

Once upon a time, not so long ago...

Desmond was living with Gina, who was working at the diner all day, bringing home her pay to keep them alive. But her name wasn't Gina. And they were in love until Desmond realized...

So if you want to give it a shot.

It's much harder to journey down the road not taken. There's no degree that'll get you to the goal, you're living by your wits and your talent, trying to keep the destination in sight, you're...

Livin' on a prayer.

When you're done with this podcast you too will be dialing Desmond to help you have a hit. He's just that damn good. It's not about writing the song in the studio, wasting time...

Desmond lays it all out

And you can listen to his version of "Livin' On A Prayer" (and more) here: https://spoti.fi/37GVPRv or here: https://bit.ly/37F6EU8

Desmond and me: https://www.instagram.com/p/B79dd_HHvms/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Listen to the podcast:

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-the-bob-lefsetz-podcast-30806836/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/desmond-child/id1316200737?i=1000464113205

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2Ru6RGJ1LuNZvq838yRfrW

https://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=66970041


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Monday, 27 January 2020

The Grammys-SiriusXM This Week

Tune in tomorrow, Tuesday January 28th, to Volume 106, 7 PM East, 4 PM West.

Phone #: 844-6-VOLUME, 844-686-5863 

Twitter: @lefsetz or @siriusxmvolume/#lefsetzlive

Hear the episode live on SiriusXM VOLUME: siriusxm.us/HearLefsetzLive  

If you miss the episode, you can hear it on demand on the SiriusXM app: siriusxm.us/LefsetzLive 


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Sunday, 26 January 2020

Aerosmith At Musicares

Now we know rock is dead.

Musicares is where you can do a year's worth of business in one night. Everybody flies in for the event.

But it's not only a who's who, it's also a who's not. How can you tell? The better dressed they are, the more they take black tie seriously, the less importance they've got in the industry, if they've got any at all.

But the show is made for them.

Steve Boom of Amazon gave a good introductory speech. And then Cheap Trick came out and did "Rats In The Cellar."

It was like waking up too early to your alarm clock. It was an assault of noise, akin to the original, but to go from zero to a hundred?

The audience was not prepared.

But from there we went to endless satiation of this aged audience fearful their eardrums would burst.

We had the Jonas Brothers.

Okay, for siblings they've got talent, but the real star here is the manager, he got them on the Kennedy Center Honors and Musicares? Whew! Never has so little excellence gotten so much exposure.

The brothers were followed by Luis Fonsi and Emily King. Singing the ballad "Angel." Yup, it was just that kind of night, where Geffen Aerosmith dominated, the ballads with the expensive videos that played ad infinitum on MTV. After "Crazy" and "Angel" I was nearly somnambulant. Sure, Fonsi was the guy with the biggest hit of 2017, but you wouldn't know it by this performance.

But then I was shocked into awareness by Ashley McBride, who sang "Dude (Looks Like A Lady)" like she'd knocked back a few and had something to say, she was a revelation.

And then back to sleep.

I know, I know, they gave a standing ovation for Gavin DeGraw's "What It Takes," but what has Gavin DeGraw done for us lately, he's the opposite of a rock star, he's got no charisma, he's a people-pleaser, and once again, we got later period Aerosmith, with "What It Takes." Wasn't anybody a fan of the real band? The Toxic Twins? There was as much edge during these performances as there is on the curb in front of your house.

Kesha killed "Janie's Got A Gun," turned it from spooky and driving into a dirge. And I know she killed Doctor Luke, but exactly why are we lauding Kesha? What is her continuing contribution to the music continuum. Talk about sleepy!

And whoever put this show together was woke, as in females were omnipresent. And Yola did a good take on "Cryin," but who in the hell who's a real Aerosmith fan wants to hear "Cryin'"? Gary Clark, Jr. shredded some good notes, but all I could think about the man is how cool he is and what a good guitar player he is and how he can't write a sensational song.

But then we went even further downhill. LeAnn Rimes? Why? She's about as rock as Whitney Houston, ha! And she sang the edgy "Livin' On The Edge" and took all the edginess right out of it, it was like a Vegas performance.

But it was gonna get worse. John Legend performed "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." Please perform it when Diane Warren is honored by Musicares, and she's about due, but this performance was about as stiff as the movie the song came from, "Armageddon."

Then Jessie J came out and performed "Home Tonight," which at least was from the Columbia years, but her take was all pop and no rock.

You see pop has dominated for years. Sure, Nirvana broke at the beginning of the nineties, but so did Mariah Carey. And Carey won.

Just tune in those TV competition shows. Everybody wants to be Carey, nobody wants to be Cobain. And rock doesn't play well on TV. It doesn't translate, the act and the sound seems small. And today people want to run toward glamour, they're dying to sell out, to be an outsider is to be irrelevant and broke, and no one wants that.

But I figured Melissa Etheridge would hit it out of the park, she normally does. Maybe it was the backing band, maybe it was the arrangement, Melissa exhorted but ultimately her performance of "Walk This Way" fell flat.

But not as flat as Sammy Hagar's take on "Back In The Saddle."

These were the moments that were supposed to rescue the show, real rockers performing real rock hits. But Sammy looked like he'd just flown in from Cabo Wabo and he had energy, but there was no Eddie Van Halen and the arrangement...lacked nuance.

And then we had the dreaded Foo Fighters. If they're the hope for rock, we're doomed. Dave Grohl has the pedigree, but he's just not dangerous. So he tries to convince us with a wall of noise. And that's what it was. Sure, he's a fan, but no fan would want to sit through his performance.

Now the highlight of the evening so far was Russell Brand's intermittent riffs between acts...sometimes. Usually they just showed video of previous Musicares performances, and if you'd been there, like most of the industry, this was boring.

But now it was time for the award.

Deborah Dugan being absent they brought out two women who lacked gravitas.

And then Dina LaPolt said she shared Cavalli shirts with Steven Tyler, but somehow Dina did not capture the essence of the band, their rock and roll. She talked about them showing up, but they were most interesting when they didn't show up, when they walked the way they wanted to.

And out came Joey Kramer, up front and center. He got his time at the mic, Tyler acknowledged him, showing at heart the members of Aerosmith are mensches.

And now it was time for the band to play.

So about thirty or forty percent of the audience had already left, even though without the dreaded live auction the show was running nearly an hour earlier than previous editions.

And what you notice first is all the band members are relaxed. Why should they be uptight, this is what they do.

And the wall of amps and speakers. Especially Marshalls. That's how it used to be, you knew the brands, you coveted them, you waited for them to kick you in the gut, it was not all in the box.

And Tyler kicks the band into...BIG TEN INCH RECORD?

Now wait a second. Everybody performing earlier had given the audience what it wanted, there were no middle fingers, even Grohl was smiling, and you play this side-closing runaway first? A track that almost no one in the audience is aware of except diehard fans?

And they were not in attendance. This was about seeing and being seen, being able to tell people you were there, charity, not music.

And all the steel wool of the evening's sound, all the mix issues, the wall of noise was wiped clean and the band's sound was crystal clear, it was like an injection of adrenaline into an audience on life support.

It wasn't that Aerosmith were trying to convince us. Veteran concertgoers have experienced that...when the opening act grabs the crowd by the noggin and pulls them into the music. And the band wasn't going through the motions. They were just doing their act, and that's a natural fact. A real rock band, whose sound was honed over the years, delivering for those who hadn't seen it in decades, if they'd ever seen it at all.

Nobody on stage was warm and fuzzy. Tyler spit his gum across the stage. Perry sneered, Whitford looked like he'd come down from the North Pole for this gig. Every note was in place, it was amazing.

And then came "Dream On," you knew they had to do it. You were praying for Run-DMC to come out for a surprise "Walk This Way," but since Melissa and Nuno Bettencourt (where's he been?) had performed it earlier, there was no way.

H.E.R. came out and shredded, demonstrating her chops, not as much as Orianthi had done with Hagar, but this was a more cohesive performance, this was truly Aerosmith, albeit a ballad, however the sound intensified.

But then Tyler called Tom Hamilton forward.

You knew what was gonna happen, I knew what was gonna happen.

Tom pulled out the riff, Joe spoke into the voice box and then...

SWEEEEEEEET EMOOOOTION
SWEEEEEEEET EMOOOOTION

It was like they'd lit the fire on one of those rockets down at Cape Canaveral, you couldn't help but jump to your feet, I'm tingling just thinking about it.

"Talk about things and nobody cares
Wearing those things that nobody wears
You're callin' my name but I gotta make clear
I can't say baby where I'll be in a year"

It was 1975. It'd been almost two years since "Dream On" had hit, in the eyes of the audience the band was a one hit wonder.

But in between they'd recruited Jack Douglas and released my favorite Aerosmith LP, "Get Your Wings," it was not the same old song and dance.

The second cut is my Aerosmith favorite, "Lord Of The Thighs." As their manager at the time, David Krebs, told me, no act could put that out today, which is one reason rock has died, it was sexist, it was edgy, it was not politically correct.

And from "Lord Of The Thighs" the needle grooved into "Spaced" and "Woman Of The World," the latter an absolute in-your-face stunner.

But none of the songs from "Get Your Wings" broke through. The band got better and better on the road, and they were primed for stardom and when they pulled the toys out of the attic...SUDDENLY EVERYBODY WAS PAYING ATTENTION!

It was a different era. Cars had FM radios. AOR ruled. If you were featured on these stations, which were in every market, everybody knew your name.

"I pulled into town in a police car
Your daddy said I took it just a little too far
You're telling other things but your girlfriend lied
You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died
Yes it did"

Outlaws. The Eagles had done a whole album about it, with photos to boot, "Desperado" is the song that gets the most applause in their shows today!

You didn't get arrested for shooting someone, but just being yourself, smoking the marijuana that is now legal. Standing out because of your appearance. Loathed because people thought you got your money for nothing and your chicks for free.

"Standin' in the front just a-shakin' your ass
I take you backstage you can drink from my glass
I talk about something you can sure understand
'Cause a month on the road and I'll be eatin' from your hand"

And the girls were willing.

There aren't even groupies anymore. There are much richer men to pursue, who are truly breaking the rules, in Silicon Valley, on Wall Street, musicians are part of the sideshow, re-enacting tropes from long ago. This is why the Beatles put out the White Album...designs had gotten too elaborate, it was a statement, they were breaking from the pack...no one is making a statement and breaking from the pack today.

And there were no smartphones, no ever-present cameras. The world was bigger, and one of the reasons you formed a rock band, and went on the road was...

Girls. Sex. Taboos.

And by this point women are rushing the stage. Especially those from further back, they need to get closer...remember when this was the case, before all the up front seats were sold by scalpers to wankers?

And this ain't no four banger. This is an eight, burning up the gas, with the pedal to the metal, firing on all cylinders. This was not a pale imitation of the original, this was a living, breathing recreation of what was on wax.

And it's like all the acts who plied the stage previously no longer existed. They were wiped from our memory by America's greatest rock and roll band, and on this night they could stand up to the Stones no problem.

So now everybody's left their seats, everybody's standing, you no longer have a clear line of sight...

You're at a rock show.

Tyler introduces Alice Cooper and Johnny Depp and Alice blows his harp into his mic while Tyler does the same and it's very clear that this locomotive is TRAIN KEPT A ROLLIN'.

Yup, the Yardbirds took this old blues chestnut and injected Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page and although it was never on the hit parade, anybody who wanted to play the guitar, who needed to get closer to the music, knew it, and on "Get Your Wings" Aerosmith did their take.

Now let me see. It was black tie. People with a lot more money than edge. But Aerosmith was delivering the show that would have an audience foaming at the mouth back in '75.

But they're seventy.

If we have to rely on today's acts to take us there...it ain't gonna happen in this world of safe pop, where the most dangerous element of the show is being in the audience, fearful some bad actor will blow the place up.

And unlike Jagger, Tyler wasn't playing at being thirty, this act had miles on 'em, but like those old blues legends they still knew how to deliver, it was in their blood.

And I'm standing there, thrusting my arms in the air with a smile on my face, after being bored to death at what had come before, figuring that everybody had lost the plot, had no clue as to the essence, Aerosmith connected yesterday and today and showed us all how it was done.

You should have seen it.


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