Friday 30 May 2014

Responding

You can't, because everybody believes they're right.

I used to answer my e-mail, until I realized that it had little to do with me, other than to tear me down and make me feel inadequate. And if you don't think I'm nervous before I hit send, that I don't do my best to make sure I don't commit any faux pas, write down any inaccuracies, you don't know me in real life. In other words, the Confidence Fairy did not fill up my tank and make me invulnerable to feedback.

And I do make mistakes. And I wince when e-mail comes in denoting that.

But most of the e-mail I get is to demonstrate that the writer is superior to me. They write in telling me about stuff that is contained in the missive, if only they read that far. They tell me I made mistakes that I didn't. They inform me I left out their favorite, and I'm an ignorant slut, just like Jane.

But god forbid you respond, because never ever do the writers admit they're wrong.

I'm admitting I'm wrong all day long, I live in fear of it. But not these people.

What is wrong with people?

What I like most is those asking for information, as if Google were never invented. Ever think of searching first?

Or those who want me to answer their questions, as if I'm a free college professor and my only goal is to make them rich and famous.

And that's an e-mail I get all the time, people who want to get together or hop on the phone to inform me of their product that's going to change the world. And if you respond that there's nothing in it for you, me in this case, that they're getting paid and I'm not, they never shy away, they double down! They're doing me a favor, hipping me to their incredible offering that's going to change the world. Don't I want to hear their music, don't I want my life to be better?

No.

I mean yes, but never ever have I gotten one of these e-mails from somebody looking to waste my time has it ever panned out. Not only do I not benefit, the product never breaks through.

So I'm sitting here wondering how these people get through life. Steeped in their ignorance, with a hair trigger, needing to be right when so often they're wrong.

Every day people e-mail me incorrect facts. Multiple times.

You'd think if I write back the album is on Spotify, or that Obama is the President, or Jimmy Page was in Led Zeppelin, they'd apologize for wasting my time, never mind admit they're incorrect.

But when I do, no matter how soft my tone, they get defensive, tell me I know nothing and either defend their initial inaccuracy or explain why I still don't get it.

Which is why you don't get a response from me. Because such a wide swath of the public is crazy, even though you're not.

And I point this out because craziness infiltrates so much of our society. Blowhards convinced they're right when they're wrong. Especially politicians, spewing inaccuracies and not admitting their mistakes. It's like the whole world is full of bullies who just believe if they rant frequently and loud enough, they'll win.

As for me, if you think this is the pot calling the kettle black, let me state once again that you opted in, and you can easily opt out, happens all the time. And if you think I'm gonna be lonesome when you go... Sure, I don't like losing subscribers, but they make it like I depend upon them, that without them I'm lost.

There's this inane concept in America that the customer is always right.

Yup, the customer who returns their iPod to Costco after using it for 11 months, that's why they had to change their exchange policy.

So the small group ruins it for the big group, isn't that how it always is?

Your move.


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Can We Stop Talking About...

ALBUMS

Coldplay sells an anemic 384,000 copies and in a few weeks it'll be over, like it never came out, even those who bought it will be done with it. Just like the Black Keys, who debuted at number one with 164,000 and then sold only 54,000 in week two. And they think they're winning because they're not on Spotify. No, they're losing, because no one's listening to their music.

The album was killed by the CD, wherein the compilation was too long, full of dreck and without a second side. The CD was unfathomable. And you could program your player to play just the tracks you wanted to hear.

The album was disrupted long ago. It's only the jerks who make the music and those who sell it and the few consumers with loud voices who still care. The rest of the public is all about the single. And they'll play more of your singles if you make good ones.

As for sitting at home playing the one album you bought over and over until you knew every lick... Yeah, you knew all the commercials when there were only three channels and you had no clicker, when there was no DVR.

RECORD STORES

Limited inventory and ignorant or smug clerks. As for scanning the new releases, online it's easier. And there's full catalog, which there never was in most stores. Tower wasn't in Podunk, USA, but everybody writing about the demise of record stores seems to think the public resided only in NYC, Chicago or L.A.

PIRACY

If you're stealing today, you've got too much time on your hands. You're stealing and everything's free on Spotify and YouTube?

AOL

A moribund service with horrific e-mail. Switch your address not because of the disdain you're receiving, but because your e-mail is coming so late, if it makes it through AOL's spam filters at all.

ARIANNA HUFFINGTON

She features a site with good linkbait, but now BuzzFeed does it better. Why do we have to listen to Arianna when we don't have to listen to Kim Kardashian? Neither of them are purveying any substance.

TV SINGING SHOWS

Check the ratings, they're history. Furthermore, most of their winners never made it. So if you're sitting at home bitching about TV singing shows it's best you looked into the mirror, because you're the problem.

SECONDARY MARKET

What kind of crazy world do we live in where StubHub paves the way and is now the good guy? Yup, StubHub's fees are all in and even Ticketmaster features secondary market listings. Blame the acts, who are incredibly greedy.

BONO

Let's see, he's a partner in Elevation, an investment firm. And he just got on the board of Fender... But he hasn't cut a hit record in eons.

THE POWER OF SOCIAL NETWORKS

You can reach your friends, good luck reaching anybody else.

SUMNER REDSTONE

Actually, people have already stopped talking about him. Nobody lives forever and you can't take it with you, remember that.

BLACKBERRY

Toast. If you're talking BlackBerry, you're still talking Palm. RIM is history, don't waste your breath.

STEVE JOBS

He died. And his greatest hits will not live forever, he was not a musician, but a businessman. No one will be using an iPod ten years from now, hell, almost nobody's using one now.

BEATS

Lousy headphones and an almost meaningless streaming service. You'd think Apple had bought Google for all the ink this deal has gotten.

FOX NEWS

The audience is so old they can barely hear, never mind make a difference. If you're worried about Fox News, you're concerned with the audience for Bobby Vee and Johnny Mathis. Ignore them, just like the online bullies.

COMMENTS

No one reads them, they're a way for the commenters to feel good about themselves.

PARIS HILTON

Oops, we already did!

PEREZ HILTON

Actually, we did! He's nice, so what. That's like asking the news to be feel good only. Unless you're gonna take the piss out of people, we don't care.

YAHOO

Some may be so dumb as to still go there, lemmings akin to those going to the mall in "Dawn of the Dead," but really there's no content that's not done better elsewhere. Furthermore, they screwed up the one hook they had, which was mail. David Pogue and Katie Couric have been marginalized there, just like Marissa Mayer. The most talented captain can't save a ship with a hole in it.

STUDIO HEADS

Oops, we did already too. Used to be everybody in Los Angeles knew the heads of all the major studios, even gardeners, now no one knows these faceless bean counters making lowest common denominator crap to play around the world.

THE LONG TAIL

Sure you can post it online, but that does not mean you'll gain an audience.

SMART WATCHES

If they were so damn good and necessary, Samsung's would have been a hit. Do I really need to get my e-mail on my wrist? Hell, I can barely see it on my smartphone!

FLIP PHONES

Some people still use cassette players...

VINYL COMEBACK

What next, crank telephones? You might want to live in the past, but the truth is many of those buying these records don't even play them. If you're trumpeting vinyl, which does sound good, it just illustrates you're a Luddite who doesn't want to enter the future. Have fun spinning your records, but most people don't want to. Remember when the aforementioned cassette overtook vinyl in sales, that crappy-sounding, high speed duplicated item, which the mass market craved because of its portability? Played any records in your car recently? On a hike?

STREAMING/OWNERSHIP

Streaming is just like ownership, assuming you pay the monthly nut. In other words, playlists live on your hand-set, you need no signal/data connection to listen. But the loudest anti-streaming mouths keep complaining about bandwidth costs and the inability to listen in the middle of nowhere. That just demonstrates their ignorance. It's always the same, he who speaks loudest is the dumbest.

AMAZON/HACHETTE

Notice that neither side will reveal exactly what the terms they're arguing about are. Amazon wants to change the split on e-books, since publishers incur fewer costs. The question is where is the line of demarcation, which neither of them will even talk about. So if you're knee-jerkingly taking Hachette's side, I'm ignoring everything you have to say in the future, because that just illustrates you're uninformed.

MAIN STREET BUSINESSES

Americans like deals, they're cheap, they don't like to pay. The evil edifice is not Wal-Mart, but the American public.

GM

If you're buying an American car, you're an idiot. The initial price may be less, but if you think a Chevrolet lasts longer than a Toyota, you've never driven a Toyota, you don't know anybody who has one.

THE OLD COUNTRY MUSIC

The truth is today's country music is the sound of America, it's rock. Rap has a stronghold, but rock, which is what modern country music is, still rules. Just check out the jukebox, or the public address system. But those in charge of the mainstream media don't want to admit this, they'd rather champion edgy stuff.

RECORD REVIEWS

No one reads them and no one trusts them. We're all about trusted filters, which are usually friends, only occasionally writers. We don't have time to waste, and we want to go where everybody else is. Decry the mainstream all you want, but when everybody's in their silo, when everybody's alienated, they feel connected and part of life when they listen to the same music as everybody else. So, if you champion something no one else is listening to, your efforts will fall on deaf ears.

CURATION

Tell us what to listen to. Briefly and succinctly. Not via algorithm, but via human recommendation. So far, no one's doing this.

PANDORA

The service sucks. And the economics are so bad, it will be purchased by a much larger company. If this is the future, I don't want any part of it. If you like Pandora, you're not really a music fan, and you're probably still watching the commercials without a clicker.

SONY

Just call it the PlayStation company, the rest is crap.

ZYNGA

A one or two hit wonder. No different from PSY. We now know in the modern world you can be gigantic for a minute and forgotten the next. Played Words With Friends recently?

TEA PARTY

White people stuck in a past they want to preserve.

TICKET PRICES

People are willing to pay, that's why they're so expensive.

E-BOOKS

It's just a matter of time until physical books, other than picture books/coffee table books, die. Sure, there will always be collectors, but they're an insignificant niche. Portability, price... And don't tell me about the smell, because if you do, buy some shellac records. Too many old people speak too loudly. The written word will survive, it's bigger than it's been in years, because people read on screens. What next, having web pages printed out?

WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT...

Latinos. They're a growing part of a population that will soon no longer be predominantly white. Tackle immigration.

Good new music. Stuff that many will flock to. If you're into the niches, good luck to you, most people are not.

Television. We already are, it's where story lives, and life is all about story, never forget it.

Income inequality. The rich don't need a hundred cars and the economy is driven by consumer spending. In other words, if you're broke and a Republican, you're an idiot.

Pre-sales. That's why you can't get a good ticket, not Ticketmaster.

Health care. One day you're gonna be old and your body will break down. It happens to everybody. And you can get cancer much younger, or get into an accident. If you don't have health insurance, you're one step away from bankruptcy.

Mobile hand-sets. Because that's already how they communicate in the third world. The future is the smartphone. To not only connect, but to buy. If you're still on a flip phone I hope you're planning to continue to read physical books and listen to vinyl records.

Privacy. Because once we give it up, we can never get it back.

Music in schools. We get the music we deserve, we're not willing to invest in the arts, what makes us believe we're going to end up with ground-breaking music?

Ideas. Once it was what someone stood for, now it's just about how people look. We tried electing someone based on fame in California... There's not a soul alive who doesn't believe the state is run better by Jerry Brown than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Climate change. Because our world is based on science. God did not invent the iPhone.

Infrastructure. We could have put people to work rebuilding our roads and bridges when money was cheap, instead we're gonna wait until a few more accidents/disasters happen before we reinvest.

Public transportation/traffic. Gridlock is not only in Los Angeles. What's end game here, backing up on the freeway as Jerry Seinfeld joked?

Drug abuse. Drugs are not cool, how come they're portrayed as such?

Incarceration. It's become a business as opposed to a place where people pay penance and get rehabilitated.

The Supreme Court. Which whipsaws this land more than Donald Sterling ever can.

The Government. Where it takes money to run and elected officials are beholden to those who give it to them. This is a system?

The Constitution/The Bible. There is no God and the founding fathers were not deities. Everybody who believes in the infallibility of both must turn off their smartphones and adopt babies. Ain't that America, where you tell other people how to live their lives as opposed to being compassionate. Start with compassion, it opens many more doors.


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Rhinofy-Jefferson Airplane Primer

What kind of crazy world do we live in where Jefferson Starship is remembered and Jefferson Airplane is not?

SOMEBODY TO LOVE

This is where it all began. Actually, it isn't, there was a previous album with a different singer, but "Surrealistic Pillow" featured Grace Slick who was cool and tough and the girls adored her and the boys salivated over her and Madonna might be more famous, but Grace was a bigger star, and could sing better to boot! But they both featured the ability to speak their own mind, although in true sixties fashion Grace's utterances were not premeditated, there was no manipulation, it was all about her truth. She was closer to John Lennon in that way than Madge.

I'd like to tell you what a surprise it was to hear "Somebody To Love" on the radio in the spring of '67, but the truth is we were constantly surprised, the era was all about testing limits.

WHITE RABBIT

And this did, test limits, that is. And it got very little airplay back then, but it's the one you still hear today, yesterday's edgy is today's mainstream.

No veiled drug references like the Beatles, Grace told us it was all about pills right up front.

And really, it's the ending of this two and a half minute number that is so riveting, wherein Grace implores us to feed our heads.

And there's the change in the middle.

And I think as dated as this sounds, even a ten year old would be riveted upon hearing it today.

TODAY

The magic of Marty Balin, yes the Airplane had multiple lead singers. This is so dreamy, you just remember lying on your bed as the music washed over you, ensconced in your own private reverie.

PLASTIC FANTASTIC LOVER

"Surrealistic Pillow" was not underrated then, but it came out before "Sgt. Pepper," most people really did not know the power of albums, but this one was playable through and through, this is just another track, but it's so good, they were all so good. If it was released today, hipsters from Brooklyn to Silver Lake would be singing "Surrealistic Pillow"'s praises, but all they do is talk about stuff inferior to it.

WON'T YOU TRY/SATURDAY AFTERNOON

"After Bathing At Baxter's" had no hits, but that does not mean it didn't flow, that it wasn't listenable, that it wasn't rewarding. Start here, with the number done so well at Woodstock, that was released on the concert's second album, which sank like a stone upon release in July '71, I've included the live take here, it'll bring you right back to Yasgur's farm.

MARTHA

It's surreal, it'll take you away, check it out.

LATHER

And after failing on the singles chart, Jefferson Airplane steered its sound toward the mainstream, and failed once again.

This was the single they pushed from "Crown of Creation," and once again, it's the sound that's so enrapturing.

CROWN OF CREATION

The title track, good, but not as good as what had come before.

VOLUNTEERS

The apotheosis, not the single, but the album, but the single was really damn good, and first heard on the initial Woodstock album. It's only 2:03 long, but it got its message across. And at this point to be a revolutionary was not so revolutionary, but no one could accuse the Airplane of not having the courage of its convictions. Then again, the press dismissed the album because of its overt politics, but this is the one that you've got to have, it's varied and playable throughout, and you never hear it anywhere anymore.

GOOD SHEPHERD

The second song on the first side of "Volunteers," it's sung by Jorma Kaukonen and one can only describe it as hypnotic, back when not everything was made to be played on the radio, to be a hit.

HEY FREDRICK

Included mainly because of its intensity. Today's stars look good but have cotton candy inside, they can't talk, they stand for nothing, but not Grace Slick. You wanted to know her as much as you wanted to screw her.

WOODEN SHIPS

Yes, the Crosby, Stills & Nash song. Paul Kantner was a cowriter. And, unfortunately, CSN's take came out first, so this one was unjustly ignored, it has its own magic, but I must admit CSN's version is better.

ESKIMO BLUE DAY

Let me just say this got our high school radio station shut down for a week. Listen to the lyrics and you'll know why. This was when there was no profanity on TV, there was no HBO, and after giving us the mic for half an hour before school started, the administration pulled it after "Eskimo Blue Day" was played, but the word is not its only salient feature, this is a great song.

PRETTY AS YOU FEEL

And from there it was downhill, ain't that the way it usually is, a band peaks and then...what?

This was written and sung by the band's new drummer, Joey Covington, and its dreamy, imperfect nature endears itself to you.

(Note: Jack Casady, Jorma Kaukonen, Carlos Santana and Michael Shrieve were credited as cowriters, and Grace Slick sang too...)

LAW MAN

Another intense Grace Slick number, a bit obvious, but still satisfying.

TWILIGHT DOUBLE LEADER

And from there, it got worse. The packaging was incredible, "Bark" came in a paper bag, "Long John Silver" folded up into a cigar box, it's just that the music was not very good.

This is my favorite from "Long John Silver," although by this point I was more interested in Paul Kantner's solo work, which was billed as "Jefferson Starship." Little did we know that Paul would cast aside the space travel, Marty Balin would rejoin the troops (he left after "Volunteers") and suddenly the group would become one of the biggest in the land, with hit after hit.

So you can still hear "Miracles" and "With Your Love" and "Count On Me" on the radio, but almost all of the earlier stuff has been forgotten, unjustly.

Spotify link: http://spoti.fi/1nWoHYy


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Wednesday 28 May 2014

The Beats Deal

Blame it on Bob Morgado.

Who?

That's just the point. This guy single-handedly destroyed the Warner Music Group, by believing it was about making the trains run on time, short term profit and loss, by not knowing that business is all about people.

Huh?

Warner was the dream team. Not the umbrella company, but the label based in Burbank, run by Mo Ostin and Lenny Waronker with a seasoned bunch of players. They knew it was about the long term, they invested and built careers, they knew it would all work out in the fourth quarter, when their heavyweights delivered product.

Unlike Doug Morris's Atlantic. Atlantic was all about the momentary hit. Listened to 2 Live Crew recently? But Morris got into Morgado's head and the latter squeezed out not only Mo and Lenny, but Bob Krasnow too.

And the Warner Music Group has never been the same.

Oh, then there was that kerfuffle regarding rap. That had Morgado's successor Michael Fuchs pushing off Interscope. Not realizing that the company's main asset was Jimmy Iovine, and you didn't want to let him go. Because Jimmy needs it, he's a winner, and he won today.

Come on, the guy starts off as Shelly Yakus's assistant and then the roles are reversed? He's suddenly working with Lennon, Springsteen, Petty and U2? If you think this is about musical talent, you've got none. This is about personality. It's always about personality.

What did Steve Jobs invent?

The technical hero of Apple was Steve Wozniak, who executed unforeseen breakthroughs. But Jobs knew how to sell it. Jimmy knows how to sell it.

He extracted Dre from Ruthless via Suge Knight, where is he today, and built a new empire over at Universal once the relationship with WMG was terminated. Jimmy did what was expedient. After all, this was the guy who held back the Neverland record, believing it would launch Interscope, when the truth was it ended up being rap, Marky Mark and the "Rico Suave" guy. Yup, it's all about the pivot.

And today Jimmy Iovine executed the best pivot in the history of the music business. He left it behind.

Huh?

That's what a businessman wants to do, get out. Only musicians are lifers. Businessmen are all about the money. Clive Calder made more, but he had no second act, Jimmy Iovine's got a second act. He'll be the creative "genius" at Apple, because Tim Cook is creatively bankrupt, he's Bob Morgado reincarnated, he doesn't understand the fundamentals of the company, he believes it's about efficiencies, supply chain management, profits and losses, whereas the real winners know it's about personality. David Geffen. Irving Azoff. Steve Jobs.

They're different from us. Whip smart, they're willing to break rules, they see the new game emerging before the old one is history. Irving Azoff built the new MCA Records, upon which the present empire sits. David Geffen gave us not only DreamWorks, but Laura Nyro, Jackson Browne and "Dreamgirls." And Steve Jobs gave us the Mac, the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad.

What has Tim Cook given us?

A bunch of hot air. Bupkes.

Not that anybody in the press knows. Or any of the analysts. Because they don't get it. They see only the surface, like Bob Morgado. When really, it's all about people.

Would everybody be on Facebook if the Winklevosses still ran it?

Ha!

Can you imagine Amazon without Bezos?

Yup, at the end of the day it all comes down to the individual. One person can move mountains.

Which is why Obama's not the guy, because despite the promises our hope was misplaced. True legends find a way, he did not.

But the right wing is just like the record companies, wanting to keep us in the past, denying the arrival of a future people are already embracing.

Kind of like Apple. Did they really expect iTunes to last forever?

So I tip my hat to you Jimmy, you won. There was no such thing as an obstacle in your way that you could not overcome. And you realized that without the acts, you're nothing. Really, does Beats win without Dr. Dre?

But now we're left with...

Who are the winners in the recording sphere today? Lucian Grainge is good, but he never had any skin in the game, he never used his own money.

And Len Blavatnik has nothing but money, but absolutely no knowledge of the sphere. It'd be like me running Oracle. Huh?

And Live Nation is a public company.

And the goal of everybody making music seems to be to sell out. Not understanding that the true legends did it for themselves. What is striking about Geffen, Azoff and Jobs is their independence. Even Jimmy, who started a new business for himself while working for the man.

So we won't have an exciting musical future until new personalities get into the game. That's how EDM started, independently, before everybody sold out, the mainstream missed it at first.

And that's the power of music, that's the power of a scene. And it always comes down to individuals.

And the reason the music blew up was because it was the vision of individuals. Whether it be the Beatles or Jay Z. We thought it was their truth. Does anybody believe it's Katy Perry's truth? Or Rihanna's truth?

So Jimmy's gone. He's burned out on the unwashed ignorance of the music business. He's lifted himself up, into the big leagues.

To the wrong player. I bleed Apple, but it's getting tough to have faith.

And there's no innovation at Samsung.

And Google is scattershot.

And Amazon is the company you love to hate.

But believe me, the future will be molded by individuals, we just don't know their names yet.


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Myths

1. Sales count.

They're almost as irrelevant as the old billboards on the Sunset Strip, they're a way to stroke the egos of the players involved. It's no longer whether someone buys your album, but whether they listen to it, that's the relevant metric that everybody seems to ignore as they trumpet the anemic, irrelevant SoundScan numbers. Want to know if an act is truly happening, check their TICKET COUNTS!

2. Social media builds careers.

This would be like saying a baseball player's interviews make him a star. No, it's his statistics, what he does on the field. Social media is the penumbra, a way for fans to stay in touch with their musical heroes. Music always has been and always will be the epicenter of any career. In other words, if you're good enough, you don't have to tweet, you don't have to maintain a Facebook page, your fans will spread the word and keep you alive. But you must have your music on YouTube and streaming services, you've got to make it easy for people to access/listen to it.

3. Publicity sells tickets.

If this was so, Miley Cyrus would sell out. But she doesn't. And she's gotten more ink than anybody. It'd be like expecting Kim Kardashian to fill arenas.

4. Terrestrial radio is forever.

It is the dominant listening format, it's still the best way to break a record. But if it's so big and powerful, why can you not name the number one record?

5. Record companies care about art.

They only care about money, it's a business, and if anybody tells you different, they're lying.

6. Google Glass is the future.

It breaks the number one rule of fashion, it's dorky! Wearables will play a part in the future, but they'll be relatively hidden, accessories. Only the geeks at Google could miss this. In other words, give a nerd a billion dollars and he's still a nerd.

7. The horse race matters.

We're not only seeing coverage of the 2014 election, but 2016 and 2018 too. But the truth is very few people care, media outlets are marginalizing themselves, not realizing when we know movie hype is irrelevant, that we can wait until opening day to know whether we've got to go, we don't need to read endless reports stoking the fire of an interest that we don't have. America is still about the hype, but the hype means less than ever before.

8. Selling out is cool.

No, credibility is cool, it's why people are writing about the marginal new Neil Young album, because they believe Neil himself is calling the shots, he's beholden to no one.

9. Raising a ton of money on Kickstarter means anything other than the money.

It's not about money, but how many pledgers there are. And in most cases, especially music, the number of people ponying up is miniscule. They'll support the artist, but they won't help grow the artist's reach/career.

10. Sound quality counts.

If it did, no one would be wearing the execrable Beats headphones. They sell because they're a fashion item. This is what is scary about Apple buying Beats. Sure, Apple products always looked cool, but they were also the best, that's why the company often charged more. But by aligning with a laughable enterprise built on momentary hype they're squandering brand equity just like Sony, which continued to charge premium prices for me-too products. If you don't know who you are, how do you plan to succeed in the future? Apple doesn't have to invent everything, but they ultimately have to do it better than everybody else. So they're selling mediocre, overpriced headphones and a me-too streaming service that has problems scaling and it shows that the company is creatively bankrupt. Steve Jobs was all about breakthroughs, where's the breakthrough here?


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Billy Joel At The Hollywood Bowl

He didn't play "Just The Way You Are," but he did play "A Hard Day's Night." Huh?

I wasn't a Billy Joel fan. Sure, I heard "Piano Man" emanate from the single speaker of the '63 Chevy my dad bought in '73 that was passed down through his children in their last years of college.

But then the hits dried up, until the aforementioned "Just The Way You Are."

And then he put out a follow-up album, standing in the street with a horn...everybody knew he was a piano player, huh?

But then my girlfriend's parents were imploring her to move back to Florida and she identified with "My Life," and I bought "Glass Houses" so we could hear it.

And then "Songs In The Attic."

This was after we'd broken up. Do you know how lonely it is to disconnect after living together, to be inside four new walls and have them closing in? Your only hope is a record, a new one, one you never played together.

"I've seen the lights go down on Broadway"

That was the opener. Of both "Songs In The Attic" and the show.

''Miami 2017" was written after Ford said Drop Dead to New York.

That's the east coast for you, easterners get defensive, they want to argue it out, everybody in California is...mellow.

Which is why Billy Joel was never as big out here. Because the guy who learned how to fight to prove he was not a sissy...that's not the way they do it 'round here. But that's exactly the way they do it back there.

And Billy didn't play my favorite cut on "Songs In The Attic," "Summer, Highland Falls," nor the exquisite, western-influenced "Ballad of Billy the Kid," nor the strangely affecting "Streetlife Serenader"...

But after becoming a fan of these songs I went back and bought the catalog, to hear the originals. And I came to love "Turnstiles," which featured not only the original "Miami 2017" and "Summer, Highland Falls," but "New York State of Mind."

"Some folks like to get away..."

It's wistful, you've only got to hear the intro and you're taken back, assuming you were there to begin with.

And let me tell you what I hate about the east coast...the way everybody's in your business, the way fortysomethings quote their SAT scores, the belief that anybody who lives anywhere else is a pussy.

But I don't hate the cold weather, and I love the fall, it's where I grew up and some part of me will always be there, in a perfect world I'd still live there...at least part of the time.

Because the people are different. They've all got a lot to say. They like to argue. Being overweight is not a crime.

And they've got pizza the rest of the country can't comprehend.

And you can drive just a few miles and be somewhere completely different.

And clams come with bellies and the snow on Mt. Washington is as dramatic as the precipitation on the Rockies.

Which is to say that you can't really get Billy Joel in Los Angeles.

But he did his best to convince us.

By being everything he's not supposed to be.

You're supposed to dye the hair you've got left, diet down to nothing, look twenty or thirty years younger than your audience.

But Billy's had his hips replaced, he doesn't walk great, but he sure can play, he brings us right back, to who we once were and can never forget.

This is not an oldies act delivering a jukebox musical of its hits, thrilling those who were not in attendance when the records first climbed the chart.

No, young 'uns were absent, this was purely a baby boomer affair. We wanted to hear about Brenda and Eddie, the popular steadies... We kept the faith, we know who Frankie Valli is. We know the album cuts because we bought those LPs and played them.

So Billy comes out and does stuff that's not obscure, but never hit the radio.

And in between he's telling us stories, making jokes, playing riffs. It's as if your best friend came over and tickled the ivories on your mother's baby grand.

Because that's what music used to be...music, first and foremost. Getting rich was a byproduct, stardom came after the fact. Now we've got it backward, people want to be famous first, they don't really care how, whether someone else writes the songs, whether the background is fake...

Billy flubbed some lyrics. And owned it. Said the show was not on tape.

And it certainly was not.

But as great as it was hearing all of his hits, the absolute highlight was his rendition of "A Hard Day's Night."

John Lennon is dead, we're never going to hear him sing again. Paul does a great Beatles show, but he sings his songs. There's a giant hole where we know the records but never hear the performances...

Fifty years ago the Beatles appeared on Ed Sullivan.

But in August of '64, the fiftieth anniversary of which is only months away, came a movie that changed people's lives, the one and only "A Hard Day's Night."

And the thing is...you won't understand if you weren't there.

How Beatlemania erupted. How kids took the reins of this country from their parents. The sheer joy of playing those records until they were embedded in our brains.

And Billy was one of those kids.

He took piano lessons before, he was playing classical music, but when the Beatles hit...it changed everything.

I took piano lessons. When the Beatles arrived, I switched to the guitar, everybody played the guitar.

And that was a feature of our lives, sitting in living rooms, around campfires, singing Beatle songs...

"It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog"

We're just about done, we're almost ready to retire. And Billy Joel writes no new songs, because he knows there's no audience for them.

"It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log"

Most of the audience is in bed at this time, their late night days are through... But they remember getting stoned, pulling all-nighters, tying one on, and there was always music in the background.

"But when I get home to you, I find the things that you do
Will make me feel all right"

That's music, it's the only thing that makes us baby boomers feel all right.

And there will always be new music. But there's only one classic rock, we lived through the Renaissance.

We didn't need no smartphones.

We didn't need no GPS.

We were addicted to the radio, and we remember these Billy Joel songs wafting out forever.

A real rock star, who despite his less than perfect looks married the best-looking model in the business.

Someone who drank and crashed and screwed up and was imperfect just like us.

And tonight, tonight he said what the hell, we were going to party one more time.

He imitated Elton. He referenced "Mighty Joe Young." He seemed not to care a whit about being cool, which made him more so.

In other words, you had to be there.

And I was.

And if you were...your whole life flashed through your brain, you bonded with this guy who was not playing a role, but just being himself, comfortable in his skin after all these years.

Yes, it's still rock and roll to me.

And Billy.

And if you want to see a show that's alive, not calcified...GO!


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Monday 26 May 2014

Steve Perry Returns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip4F9fGHZ00

Now it's your turn girl to cry...

Na na na na na na, we're all at home lounging on the long weekend and we check our devices and find out Steve Perry's returned from the dead and is performing with the Eels in ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA?

Native son Bob Dylan might be on a never ending tour, but this is a much bigger deal.

He was supposedly too fat to be seen in public.

He could no longer hit the notes.

He might as well be dead...

And then he shows up not even rusty, plying the boards, imploring an audience too young to have been there the first time around to sing and they do and the result is akin to John Lennon returning from the grave.

Oh, don't accuse me of being sacrilegious. Of all people, Lennon was famous for taking the piss out. If he were alive today, you wouldn't be revering him, he'd be the old guy in the corner saying edgy stuff that made you feel uncomfortable, lamenting the fact that he once was...

Steve Perry was never that. But Journey bridged a gap, from the old to the new, from the Beatles to MTV, from singles to albums and back to singles again. They were the band the girlfriends of the guys who loved U2 wanted to see. And secretly, their boyfriends wanted to go too.

To the stadium.

Taylor Swift can sell out stadia, but no one else can.

Instead we've got these festivals which have become a joke, because they've got nothing to do with music, and this year, with most headliners home, the lineups are so thin there's nothing holding these multiple day events together other than the food and the drugs.

But it didn't used to be this way. Used to be it was about songs, about records, about albums, and you went to the show to hear it all.

And now nobody wants to hear a single new note by any of these acts. They just want to hear the hits. Before Keith Richards keels over and the other Beatle...

Come on, if you believe in music you've never heard of tech.

You know music, where no one uses their own money other than the developing acts, who implore you to listen to their derivative drivel.

To the point where when Steve Perry re-emerges, it's akin to watching the "Sopranos," you get an emotional hit that makes your heart flutter, that makes you feel fully alive, and isn't that what life's all about?

Not ogling the babes, not that there's anything wrong with that, but being so entranced by the music that you feel the act is eying you and the only thing that matters is their music.

And once upon a time, this would have been totally different. In a matter of weeks, we'd have read about it in "Rolling Stone," the straight press caring not a whit about our music.

But "Rolling Stone" is still a magazine, not a website, and most papers are hollowed-out shells, so the truth is we spread the word ourselves on what's important, we're the tastemakers, we grab hold and tell everyone, that's how I found out, via e-mail, with links to a substandard YouTube clip just good enough to prove that it really happened.

Remember when you were excited about the gig?

Remember when you lined up all night for a ticket?

Remember when the people in the front row were not rich assholes but people just like you, who knew every word? When you truly believed that music could change the world, when "Star Wars" was for nerds?

I certainly do.

And it turns out the only bearer of the torch is Steve Perry.

Because he said no instead of yes, he never sold out.

Yup, what kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where the purest guy on the planet is Steve Perry?

The aforementioned Dylan does TV spots.

Steven Tyler was on "American Idol."

Everything's grist for the mill, and if there's a buck in it, the performer says yes.

And then we've got Steve Perry taking no cash, showing up singing his songs in the heart of the country unannounced?

Didn't Kimye tell us to sell our souls? To stage a spectacle and charge the gossipistas to spread the word to the salivating masses?

"Godzilla" comes and goes in a weekend. The hype lasts longer than the film.

And then we've got a guy who does it the old way and we end up positively flabbergasted.

Lara Logan didn't get an exclusive, there was no "60 Minutes" manipulation.

It's so stunning that the media monsters haven't even grabbed hold of this story yet, in a couple of days it's going to be MONSTROUS!

And it SHOULD BE!

Because art runs this country. And, unfortunately, artists have sacrificed their art.

Gaga was so stupid she didn't know it was about music.

Jay Z keeps telling us it's about money, as if the Fortune 500 didn't have so much more.

And everybody else keeps bitching that there's no money in recordings. That they can't get rich.

And Universal is a public company. As is Live Nation. No one's got skin in the game.

Well, I've got a message for you, that's the essence of art, having skin in the game, putting it all on the line, confounding our expectations.

AND THAT'S WHAT STEVE PERRY DID LAST NIGHT!

P.S. Now what? Who knows! While we've been waiting for Robert to reunite with Jimmy, do Neal and Steve make peace and go on a stadium tour satiating those who've waited decades? And when it's done does the band go back out with Arnel, the same way Mike Love reunited with Brian Wilson and then left him in the lurch? Or maybe nothing. There appears to be no plan. And there hasn't been no plan for eons, ever since the head of marketing became a king at the label. You're supposed to have a campaign, you're supposed to orchestrate, you're supposed to leave no stone unturned, you're supposed to carpet-bomb. And having done all that, your story fades. What kind of bizarre world do we live in where Solange attacking Jay Z is a bigger and longer lasting story than Beyonce's last album?

P.P.S. This is rock and roll. Doing the unexpected in your street clothes. Were there lasers? A backdrop? Was there merch? Most stuff you see and forget, I saw this clip and I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop believin'.


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Sunday 25 May 2014

Private Equity

Once upon a time you wanted to be a musician. You saw the Beatles on "Ed Sullivan," heard the catchy tunes, saw the screaming girls, and said...I WANT TO DO THAT!

No longer.

No one's got tunes that catchy, hell, do you really want to be Pharrell singing "Happy"? And the lifestyle of musicians pales with respect to those with real money, the bankers.

What do the bankers make? What do they do? I could explain it to you, but I wouldn't have to kill you after imparting this wisdom, for you'd be asleep, or your eyes would have glazed over, because that's just how interesting banking and buying and selling corporations is. Although you do make a ton of money, more money than most people can calculate.

Yes, Stephen A. Schwartzman, a household name if I've ever heard one, made $375 million last year. Leon D. Black, of that famous band Apollo, did just a little bit better, $546.3 million. Oh, of course they've got all those road expenses, the stage, the roadies, the private jets... No, there are no expenses, and if perhaps there are, their clients pay them, and according to a story in the "New York Times," their investors pay expenses that don't even exist. It's kind of like the band charging you ten bucks a month for years after you saw them at the Garden or Staples. But you don't bitch, because you had the privilege of being at the show.

Huh?

I'm a smart guy. We can debate how much is DNA and how much is a result of Jewish family push. But all I knew from the moment I stepped onto the school ground was I was going to college, I told my kindergarten friends I was going to be a lawyer, because that's what was drummed into me by my dad. He wanted me to become a professional, he wanted not to worry about me after he was gone. Today professionals are chumps.

Yes, chumps.

That's what the mainstream doesn't understand. That the best and the brightest have no desire to ply the stage, to do creative work, to see their name in lights. They're happy just cashing the check and making sure you can't live in Manhattan, or have to park miles away from the lifts because they've bought up all the real estate at the ski area base.

So the rich get richer, and the poor stay dumb.

In other words, if I was graduating from college today, I wouldn't go into the music business. And I'm not dumb enough to develop an app, or start some other long shot business. I'd do what the Ivy alumni do, go straight to where the money is, the banks. Isn't that what Willie Sutton said, when asked why he robbed banks, he said "Because that's where the money is!"

Money. It's got economic consequences. Those with brains follow it. And those who have it are constantly shaving points, because that seems to be the nature of the human condition, enough is never enough, how can I make just a little bit more, especially if most people have no idea how I'm doing it.

In other words, if you're a smart, hard-working person, you too are a chump. You work for a company that will lay you off on a whim and lose your pension with a shrug. They don't care about you. Just ask your kid, done with college, sleeping on your couch, he knows the score.

But too many of these kids don't go to college. And too many who do don't get the memo. Sure, the degree might get you in the front door where someone else may not, but what is the house you're entering?

And the point is our whole society has changed. Sure, some of these rich people give away some of their money, but on a percentage basis, much less than the poor and middle class. And their heirs will have this cash for eons, perpetuating a two class society. And if you don't think the heirs of the rich are frequently do-nothing doofuses, you don't know any.

But we're not going to abolish banking and there will always be some people richer than others.

But we can have a discussion about it. How the fabric of our country is being ripped apart while we're not watching. How ignorant musicians think that by getting a sponsor they're ripping off the system, but truly, the joke is upon them.

If someone told me in college that their father was a stockbroker, that he worked on Wall Street, it meant that they made the same amount of money as a doctor. About 20k a year. And who'd want to do that gig anyway, commuting into the city.

But today all the hedge funds are in Fairfield County, and college is 60k a year. Who's got that cash?

The rich bankers. Who can send their scions there, while you can't.

Furthermore, all these elite institutions survive on their endowments, 60k doesn't even cover the cost of a year of schooling, so they're beholden to the bankers who control their money.

So America looks completely different from when I grew up.

Ronald Reagan legitimized greed, Michael Milken went to jail, but the end result is even worse. The American Dream is alive and well for a limited elite, and the rest of the public is too ignorant to understand how they make it.

And you can't explain it to them. Because they don't want to know. Because it eviscerates hope. When you tell them their track is not good enough you're the doofus, because they're going to prove you wrong, but they never do, all they've got is their willpower, and tell the VC that's why you want a job at the firm, he'll laugh you out of the office.

Snooki is already gone. As is Paris Hilton. Kim Kardashian got married yesterday and it's merely months before she's toast. Because that's what those famous for nothing do, they disappear. Some of the work of great musicians lasts, but try humming the last decade's hits and then tell me they're gonna be around in fifty years, like the Beatles' songs, yeah, right.

But we're lining up to sing on TV shows, as if the real winner weren't Fox.

We're bitching about streaming payouts when the problem is not Spotify, but the audience, that doesn't want to pay fourteen dollars for a CD, never gonna happen, they're broke and even though the dope-smoking musicians say they should be moral, ain't that a laugh, they see everybody else breaking the rules so why shouldn't they?

And no one wants to read about it, because it's arcane and boring.

But when you go to buy a house. When you get a seven year loan to acquire a car. When you have a desire to do but your bank account says no... Then you know you're living in the new America. One wherein the problem isn't a government spending your money, but a government rigged to benefit the rich, which you voted to give them the power to do, all in the name of lower taxes...

Ha!

"The Deal's Done. But Not The Fees": http://nyti.ms/1ihCzsy


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