Southwest Airlines

It's like going to school.

Back in the olden days, when everybody went to public school, except for the privileged few who prepped and the Catholics with their parallel education system, we were all in it together. Nobody had better shoes, nobody flew to Europe for the weekend, we lived in an egalitarian society, everybody was equal.

Those days are through.

But if everybody was forced to take Southwest Airlines, if there were no private jets and no first class, America would become a better place.

It's such a different vibe. From the people who check you in to the colloquial flight attendants, everybody seems to like their job and to be having fun. Makes me proud to be an American.

Once upon a time Southwest Airlines only flew in the Southwest and was cheaper than its competitors. Now, Southwest can cost top buck. But you still get two bags free, and peanuts and crackers. Hell, they're not worried about allergies on Southwest. Yup, you few with your peanut phobias made it so the rest of us could never eat nuts at 30,000 feet ever again. That's modern America. Wherein one person gets to spoil it for everybody. One person gets hurt on the playground? They remove the monkey bars. One person writes a letter to the television network? They cancel the show. That's what ruined network TV, the lack of edge, which exists on cable. Because the network producers are too afraid to piss anybody off.

And at Southwest someone realized if you print your boarding pass at home, they don't need to reprint it when you check in. I've never figured that out. Why do I need to replace my paper with yours? Why do you need to put it in a little blue jacket? Furthermore, why do I need my ticket once I'm on board? Yup, when you check in at the gate, get on the plane, the attendant takes your boarding pass and never gives it back!

Then again, it's open seating on Southwest.

Oh, I know, you can pay extra to get on first these days.

But what I love is lining up. It's just like in elementary school. All types and sizes in it together. You do it by number, no ad infinitum instructions are necessary. That's the bane of the frequent flier, the endless repetition of nonsense, like not to leave your bag unattended. Hey! In today's fearful society, where you can't let your kid walk two blocks to school alone, do you really think people are going to leave their bags unattended? So they can get ripped off?

Never gonna happen.

And there are other little things. Like no drink cart.

You know the drill. You're in the front of the plane, not the real front, but the steerage front. And they start wheeling the drink cart down the aisle and you make a run for the bathroom, because if you don't you're gonna have to hold it in, despite there being a loo up front. No, even though it's unoccupied, that's for FIRST CLASS!

Well, almost no airline has first class anymore, only business class. For the rich and well-traveled to keep away from the great unwashed.

I like the wider seat when I can get it, but am I really any better than the people in back?

Anyway, on Southwest, the attendant takes your drink order and returns with cups on a tray, so the aisle is not blocked. Why no other airline has replicated this is beyond me.

And of course there's the famous Southwest banter. Hell, almost no one likes to fly, why not make it as pleasant as we can for the few hours we're up in the air.

The attendants at the other airlines? They're snarly, certainly the ones in back. It's like they don't want to be there and you're an inconvenience. I don't know whether they hate the airline or their job or both, but even asking a question, never mind asking for more of anything, always gets their dander up.

But the seats were uncomfortable and the pitch was godawful.

Pitch is the space between seats, i.e. legroom. If you're a six-footer, good luck.

Then again, the seats are all made for six footers, there's no lumbar support if you're any shorter. Then again, the seats were new, whereas even in business on American the metal creeps through the padding and your rear end hurts.

I don't know what happened to our country. Class is evident everywhere. Hell, not even the upper middle class send their kids to public school anymore. And the religious zealots don't want to pay for it. And if you go to the public school you oftentimes get a second-rate education. Whereas the privates are all about enrichment and the parents read to their kids and they end up at Ivies and rule the world.

But even if they don't go to college, the progeny of the rich never slum with the poor. Because income tax rates are so low, and "death taxes" are so low (because we're saving the theoretical family farm, even though none have ever been lost to inheritance taxes), we've got a whole class of nitwits who live like kings with nothing to back it up but their parents' money.

I know, I know, that's the American Dream, to get ahead.

But once upon a time, getting ahead meant driving a Cadillac and going on vacation to Florida. Now the rich don't even fly with the rest of us and the average person has got no idea where they vacation. As for their homes, they're behind locked gates.

Whereas on Southwest Airlines we're all in it together. We line up based on when we checked in and we're forced to all sit in the same class next to people we don't know who we might not even speak to if we weren't in such close proximity.

Furthermore, unlike the rest of the airline industry, Southwest makes money, it hasn't gone bankrupt.

Which begs the question... Is this the way to run America? Putting us all together as opposed to keeping us apart?

There's hostility on most flights. You see the holier than thou briefcase crowd, the designer dressers. But on Southwest, there's no attitude. It's a true democracy. Very instructional.

P.S. It's the little things that count. Whereas in music we're always looking to take away what we once gave, kinda like Southwest's competitors, who charge for bags and would charge to pee if they could. Just because everybody's doing it the same way, that does not mean you can't break the rules. But the music business is like the airline business. Lost in the past. Hobbled by legacy. Always asking for mercy. An industry hated by the public, that it endures to get somewhere or hear great music.


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