Tuesday

My tires are falling apart.

This is not how it was supposed to be, I was supposed to be having lunch with Steve Barnett, but he canceled, he was going out of town. So I figured I'd use the free time to get my oil changed.

I'm a dealer guy. Save me the feedback. Yes, I know it's expensive, but they see my car every damn day, and therefore they can diagnose the problems, and I want my automobile in tippity-top shape. Hell, Daryl even diagnosed the whine, which the car stereo shop could not, even though I'd dropped a grand on a new amplifier. Yes, you can hear the sound even though the stereo is off, it's a grounding problem.

And surveying my car in toto, they said I had an unrepairable flat.

Oh god, I've been through this. You don't want to put a brand new tire on a car with three at the end of their lifespan. I figured the nail was in the outer wall. But it turns out in the wake of the Explorer explosions, Subaru and other manufacturers are afraid to repair tires, even if the nail is in the tread, they consider the tire history unless the puncture's dead center, Darryl told me it could be fixed.

So I went to Pep Boys. It didn't used to be Pep Boys. It was Discount Tire, and I frequented it because it's convenient, I can walk home while they're rotating and aligning, which are free under my contract.

But I couldn't walk home today, I sprained my ankle.

Did I tell you that? I was at the beach, wearing my shoes, and someone yelled that the tide was coming in and my body twisted and my foot did not and I heard a pop and the only good thing is the ER doctor said the bone was not broken, I've been hobbling ever since, actually, for a couple of days I could barely do that.

So I can't walk home from Pep Boys. So I go to lunch across the street, where I can see my car untouched for hours. And I'm just about to e-mail Pep Boys HQ to complain when they finally decide to take a look.

Yes, there's a nail in the left rear. But what they can't get over is the way the tires are chipping away, falling apart, Michelins are not supposed to do this!

You're telling me. I mean a thousand dollars and twenty thousand miles? That's no deal.

And they agreed. They said they'd give me 25% off a new set. But, since the warranty is 45,000, why not half off? I don't want to be a schnorrer, but if you're admitting fault.

And that's when they tell me I've got to call the manufacturer if I want more. No, I don't want to spend my life getting a deal, I already spent most of the day addressing minor b.s. with my automobile.

And that's when my service writer told me he needed a new kidney. Yup, in response to when he'd be working, well, not next Tuesday, you see he can't pee and he sees this specialist in Glendale and they're lining up surgery.

Suddenly we're bonding.

And then there's the white-haired guy chatting up the young Asian woman with the nice ass. Dirty old man. Now I'm back in the waiting room waiting to see what the problem is with the nail in the front tire, flipping out, reading the "New Yorker" after downloading it on the free wi-fi, and then this guy stumbles over to me.

Oh-no. Not quite like being next to a talker on a plane, but how am I gonna get out of this one?

Well, he's 66. He's got one more year teaching English as a second language and then he's retiring, he needs the health care, for himself and his 43 year old Korean wife he met teaching ESL.

And now the conversation segues to income inequality and immigration and here's a guy who's not famous but he's compassionate and knows what's going on and why is it we only listen to rich people? As if rich people knew more about life than the rest of us.

And it's after 7, and even this dude is marveling that it's taking so long to repair my tire, when the service writer from West Africa comes in and tells me that the nail didn't go all the way through, they pulled it out and the tire was fine.

Voila! Victory!

I reached over to shake his hand and asked him his name.

Monday!

How do you spell that?

Like the day of the week.

He's eager to go back to Nigeria. He came to America for an education.

And now I'm completely confused. I was hating on Pep Boys but the guys were so nice and helpful, however slow.

And I can't believe I wasted the whole day futzing with my car. I mean I got to watch the Apple presentation on Subaru's free wi-fi, but don't I have more important things to do?

Maybe not.

Maybe life is lived best when you slow down and do what you shouldn't. When you cast aside plans and converse with the people. When you realize we're only here for a short time, everybody's reasonable, everybody's struggling, and we're all trying to get along.

When you realize life is not like TV. And Washington, D.C. is disconnected from us.

And what life is really about is warmth and conversation.


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