Broken Together

What if perfection doesn't exist? What if what you're looking for can't be found?

They tell us we can be anything we want to be, even President.

Then not only do we not want to be CEO of the country, but we just can't grab the brass ring, as we get older we can't even see it, and then we're not sure what we want anyway.

But society keeps telling us we can win.

When the truth is nobody can. Triumph at the Super Bowl and the good feeling soon fades. All victories are evanescent. As we get older we realize the only thing we can count on, the only thing that rewards us, is our relationships.

But they're so hard to keep. Never mind find. You're looking for a picture in your mind, someone who understands you, who gets you, who won't challenge you, but just accept you. And you throw your lot in with someone who gives you hope, and then those are hopes dashed.

That's the essence of divorce. Someone wants out because their dreams have gone unfulfilled. You're just not successful enough for them, there's someone better-looking, there's got to be something better on the outside. And then the bond is broken and...

The searchers keep on searching and those left behind lick their wounds and build up their courage to play once again.

And then when your body is lumpy, your ass falls, your skin starts to wrinkle, you find someone new. But it's so different. You've got so much baggage. And if you're lucky you realize this is what life is all about, not only compromise and understanding, but hewing the path, being broken together.

"What do you think about when you look at me"

Am I not who you expected me to be? Do you see my imperfections? Do you weigh my pluses and minuses? I'm already riddled with self-doubt, I envy the confident, I can barely accept myself.

"I know we're not the fairy tale you dreamed we'd be"

Disappointment... When the flash of new love disappears. When your hold over them has evaporated. Do you measure up? Are you a keeper? Or are they just figuring out how to let you loose.

"You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery"

I got married. My ex said she tricked me into it. But once I put that ring on my finger, stood up in front of friends and family, I knew I would never pull the trigger on a divorce, because that's just not my style, I honor my commitments, to the point where sometimes I can't get out of my own way.

And after the party fades into memory, you end up with the car accidents, the money troubles and the disappointments, when your life stops resembling the fantasy and you delve deeper into the darkness.

"How I wish we could go back to simpler times"

That's what the serial monogamists desire, that hit of first love, they know how to begin and end, it's the middle that gives them trouble, the heebie-jeebies, this is when they jump.

"Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light"

Sharing, it's the essence of a relationship, but no matter how connected we might be we're afraid of judgment, of freaking our partner out. How much can we complain? Is this gonna be a deal-breaker?

"Now on this hallowed ground, we've drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night"

It always happens at night. I don't know if I've ever had a serious fight in the morning. But lying in bed, one desirous of falling asleep, the other unable to keep their mind from racing, the past is rehashed and analyzed to the point where there's no agreement, but an eventual exhaustion, hours later, when you hug and hope that tomorrow will be better.

"Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete"

This is the starting the point, this is what most fail to realize, that being a pair is nearly impossible, that it's a struggle to stay together. You were sold a bill of goods, there's no such thing as soulmates, and those who say they are are either lying or one step away from divorce, one party dominating while the other accepts the undue burden. Relationships are never equal, nor are breakups, but unless you stand your ground, even while oscillating, you're never going to know true love. Relationships are about the dividend, not about beauty, status or riches, rather the knowledge there's going to be someone home at night, someone there for you, when you're at loose ends. This is all you can hope for, along with some skin on skin. It's not about becoming one, but just being together.

"You can bring your shattered dreams and I'll bring mine"

Line 'em up. If you're over thirty you've got 'em. Hopes and dreams that did not come to fruition. You didn't make the pros, you didn't get into the right college, you didn't make partner, you got dumped, you struggled, even lied, just to make it through. No one told you life was gonna be this tough. How come in school they care about your every move, but when you grow up no one cares about you at all? You carry all this crap with you in life. And it's not about casting it aside, but throwing it into a pile with someone new, picking through the detritus and building a life, being broken together.

That's the name of the song, "Broken Together." It's by Christian rock band Casting Crowns, whose name I knew but whose music I was unfamiliar with. I became enraptured by the first few piano notes when it started to play in the Discover Weekly playlist. In an era where everything is fake, not only the music, but the people, where image is everything although truly nothing, a piano cuts to the bone, announces an honesty and truth we so desire but too often avoid. The vocal was good, but the lyrics were a surprise, they contained such wisdom, and with the ensuing changes and the heartfelt emotion I was touched.

We all want to be touched. Metaphorically and physically.

"How it must have been so lonely by my side"

That's what they don't tell you about relationships, about the time you're alone together. You've got the commitment, but sometimes that's the only thing you possess.

"We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind"

You think you're just living your life. But then intimacy dries up. And the other person becomes a cipher. Is there a way back from this?

Always.

As long as you're willing to be broken together.

It's the only way you'll last forever, if you're broken together.

Spotify: http://spoti.fi/1NPRRnr

YouTube: http://bit.ly/1qeXAKI


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