Eric the Actor

He was the most famous celebrity you don't know.

Originally saddled with the sobriquet "Eric the Midget," Eric Lynch's protestations were heard and the Stern show staff agreed to refer to him as "Eric the Actor," since he considered himself to be a thespian.

Yes, the Howard Stern show. I wasn't there when Eric originally called in to give his opinion on Kelly Clarkson's attractiveness, but over the last few years, after becoming a Stern show fanatic, I became intimately involved with Eric's personality.

He was ungrateful. But at the same time he wanted the perks of celebrity. He wanted the benefit of the doubt, he wanted airtime, he wanted unknowns to fulfill his Amazon wish list.

Like a miniature replica of the Oakland Coliseum, where the A's play.

Now in reality show culture, we make stars and discard them. Snooki is already a footnote, Paris Hilton's nearly been forgotten. But first and foremost Howard Stern is loyal. Despite being badgered by the diminutive gentleman, Howard kept putting him on the air. And he bent over backward to be nice, but not fully. Usually the handicapped are wheeled out to elicit our sympathy. But it was hard to feel sorry for Eric, because he was such a huge pain in the ass.

Leaving endless phone messages.

Getting into Twitter wars.

Using profanity to express his anger towards anybody who had a contrary opinion. Yes, you'd think that Eric would wise up and learn how to take the heat, but he never did.

Like a regular person.

That's what the Stern show is all about, regular people. Sure, we're addicted to the celebrity interviews, but the reason we are is because Howard elicits the stars' foibles, their everyday lives, things the celebrity culture media machine believes are off limits.

Nothing was off limits with Eric the Actor. Including his sanitary habits.

And you may think these behaviors are trivial and to amplify them is juvenile, but the truth is we're all just animals trying to get along, and what draws us in most is the human condition. Which is why television is burgeoning and movies are dying. It's hard to relate to a comic book star. And it's why music is in a downswing. Because the goal is to be bland and sell out and revel in your elevated status.

But Howard Stern keeps telling us he's a geeky guy who believes in his talent but is lucky to have a show, and an audience.

The Stern show got Eric TV guest shots. And then the joke became that every show Eric appeared on got canceled. And, of course, Eric would argue that point.

The Stern show got Eric laid. And I know you don't want to hear that, but if you don't believe that a 3'5" man with a club foot has desires then you're not human.

And then Eric pushed it too far. He was banned. But he called back in as a Texan named Derek and Howard played along with the charade and I still chuckle when I think of their interplay, everybody but Eric not being fooled.

There was the IQ test. There were the endless demands. Being left out of the Anniversary Show because he just couldn't be reasonable and appreciative. Ain't that life, people will bend over backwards to help you, but they've got a limit, and you don't want to reach their limit.

And Eric was just on the show. His health seemed to be deteriorating, but he said he was not near death.

And now he's history.

Ain't that life. They're here today, and then they're gone. Poof! They live on in your memory, but you never hear their voice again.

So, so long Eric the Actor. You truly were a star, even though you could never kick back and own it, revel in the huge fanbase you'd accumulated.

And hello to the second decade of the twenty first century, wherein the niches trump the mainstream.

Robin Williams was everybody's, Eric the Actor was ours.

And when I saw that he'd died I felt a well of emotions that I did not know I had for the squirrely ingrate.

But that's the nature of people. They worm their way into our consciousness and we tolerate their excesses for the entertainment and humanity.

This is a big deal. It leaves a huge hole in the Stern show, which is not some sitcom which is canceled by a fat cat exec because the ratings have sunk, but an endless, breathing juggernaut that has people from Natalie Maines to Jimmy Kimmel to Michael Rapino hooked.

That's the truth. It's a cult. That's much larger than you think. You'd be stunned who's a Stern show fanatic.

And each and every one of them is sad tonight.


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