Cast Your Soul

"When you think you know where the road will go
There's another mystery around the bend"

Every night I lie on the floor and listen to Deezer Elite and my old favorites come alive.

It's funny, it doesn't work during the day, I'm nocturnal anyway, I'd prefer to live in darkness, when the world slows down and no one contacts me and I can let my mind drift.

I used to wake up at noon. That window from 10 PM until 4 AM was my own. It made it very hard to book appointments, with half the day scraped away, but I now realize it made sense, that it was me, because I'm happiest in my own cocoon.

I do thrive in crowds, when I don't sink. Used to be I talked prodigiously, now I usually listen. I'm fearful of alienating others, I marvel at their ability to speak uninhibited, demonstrating their flaws without realizing it. I used to be one of them, but years of psychotherapy changed me. Every encounter is a puzzle, one I enjoy most when others involve me, when I feel inspired and unleash a torrent of words that cannot be stopped. But that rarely happens. I get worn out engaging, I look forward to retreating. But happiness comes from being a member of the group, so there's the conundrum.

"Look into the western sky"

Hope. That was what leaving the east coast was all about. Shedding skin for big sky country. But the truth is you do take your problems everywhere, along with your music.

But people are different as you move through the time zones, they speak the same language, but they emphasize different mores. On the east coast education is important, everybody's checking their spot in the pecking order. Further west it's more about personal fulfillment, and I like that.

So I'm on the floor in darkness, with e-mail slowed to a crawl, before Europe wakes up, and I push through all my old favorites to see how they sound in high quality, what will be revealed.

And what was revealed Monday night was the above lyric. To the point where it haunted me all day Tuesday.

You get to the point where you think you have the answers, that you think you've got it figured out, and then you're surprised.

It does require engagement. You must leave your house, however daunting that might be, but when you get on the road, despite maps being on your smartphone, you might have an idea of where you're going, but that's not necessarily where you'll end up.

Just like listening to a track. I've heard Wendy Waldman's "Cast Your Soul" oodles of times. It's always been the sound that got to me. And then this lyric jumped out.

Ain't that how it always is. When you think you know everything, it turns out you don't.

And that's what we like about life.

So, cast your soul upon the wind. Be human. Take chances. Know fame is an illusion. And despite being so connected electronically we're really all alone. Own this, and know the job of art is to reach out and make us feel part of humanity, the link between music maker and listener is the one that keeps on giving, inciting us while being insightful, riding shotgun as we encounter the vagaries of life, which thrill us but scare us all at the same time.

"Cast Your Soul": http://spoti.fi/1DcteOG


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