Keith Richards Solo Album

Just put out the damn album.

Do we have to endure a month-long run-up to an LP that'll be over in a week? Testimony to the history of rock's greatest living cockroach who is ultimately irrelevant in today's world?

Yes, Keef surprised us with a successful tome. Supposedly, I found the bio impossible going. Nuggets are irrelevant if they're not told in a comprehensible fashion.

And now he's putting out an album with expectations so low, only the press seems to care.

That's right, that's how far we've sunk, give access and they'll go for it. As Keith trots out some old tales and we all wince as we realize once again that rock and roll is dead.

Maybe if he moved to Nashville and cut a record with someone who could actually sing, with someone who knows how to make hits.

And yes, it is all about hits today. A hit is something that grabs you right away and spreads like wildfire. And if you think otherwise, you probably don't have cable, a smartphone or access to the internet. You're thrilled if someone gives you free music. But even five year olds don't care.

Kind of like the buzz about Wilco giving away its LP for free. Do you believe that was a news story? Music hasn't been inaccessible in this CENTURY! To expect us to salivate over something in the pipeline...is to be a member of the media that believes windowing and previewing matters. The late great Freddie Mercury had it right... I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it NOW!

Well, not all of it, just access to all of it.

Look at Keith's track record, without Mick. It's even worse than Jagger's output. Half-baked riffs with scratchy vocals that unlike the work of hero Robert Johnson is far from memorable. Give Keith credit for taking the X-Pensive Winos on tour, decades ago, but to lead with his music in 2015 is utterly laughable.

Just put the damn thing out. What kind of crazy world do we live in where Beyonce does no hype and puts her music out, years ago, and Keith wants us to get excited in advance.

Creeps me out. Give us a catchy single. Entice us.

But he can't do this. Because the music sucks.

And today everything that is not great sucks. That's what the players don't understand, we don't live in 1975, where mediocre stuff on the radio garners traction and a career. Now it's about the toppermost and then there's everything else. Just check the movie grosses if you doubt me.

While you're complaining about streaming revenue, superstars are rolling in dough. YouTube and Spotify and even Apple Music are gonna pay FOREVER! If you create the desire, we're now able to fill it. Why are musicians so short-sighted? They're not executives. When Lucian Grainge is long gone from Universal, today's hit artists will still be paid by streaming services, and this is a GOOD THING!

But I don't want to waste my time interacting with ignorant people who have little audience to begin with.

And I don't want to waste my time getting excited for a Keith Richards solo album.

Once again, the media masters are out of the loop. That's this year's story, not has-been rocker drops an album nobody cares about, but how the press could get it so wrong, believing we actually care. Donald Trump wipes away convention, shows that the people have a brain, but in entertainment coverage it's the same as it ever was. But now there's even more of it. Over and over again I hear Keith Richards has a new album... AND I DON'T CARE!

And no one else does either.

Check second week streaming numbers.

Hell, CHECK THE FIRST!

Last I looked it was called the MUSIC business! Not the hype business.

You want us to have eager anticipation, have a track record. And Keith Richards's in solo music is close to terrible.

He has to do something to earn our attention. Everybody starts from the same line. Data tells us who wins and loses.

So Keith, stop the interviews, just put out the record. Let us judge. Let us be surprised. Prove us wrong.

But you won't do that.

Because your thinking is just as old as your age. You're surrounded by those who refuse to take a risk.

But the joke is on you.

No one cares.

Your album's a stiff.

AND IT HASN'T EVEN COME OUT YET!


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