Subject: Sexual assault after a Wilco show - by their booking manager Matt Hickey
Hi Bob, a friend forwarded me your emails. I was roofied after a Wilco show 14 years ago and confronted my attacker Matt Hickey (high road touring) and bcc'd his whole team. Nothing didn't hear one word back. I would love to get this email out. Thank you, Kari
Begin forwarded message:
From: Kari Godsill Connor
Date: November 9, 2017 at 5:34:32 PM EST
To: Matt Hickey
Subject: Wilco
Hey Matt -
Not sure if you remember me.. but you invited me about 15 years ago to
a private Wilco show over at ruby skye.
You then took me over to Hemlock Tavern where you roofied me. You then
took me home and assaulted me in my downstairs bathroom on Hayes
Street. Maybe you remember my dog Lucy whining behind the door you
locked? I woke up fully clothed at 1pm with your semen all over my
sweater and skirt. I then went to planned parenthood and had a rape
kit done.
I tried to hire a lawyer, but you hired a better one and my lawyer
advised me to drop the case. I then had to retrieve my clothing from
police custody where I dry cleaned your semen off my wool sweater.
I think about this all the time, especially since I'm a mother to a
tween daughter. I knew I wasn't the first of your victims, and I'm
sure I wasn't the last.
So here's my #metoo you fucking piece of shit.
Kari
_______________________________________
It was the mid-2000s and I was 26 and a full-time student completing a music business degree, a production assistant with the biggest promoter in my town, and a single mother with a 2 year old. The venue manager I completed my internship with was also the manager of a local, but nationally rising artist/band and he asked if i could sell merch at one of their popular, yearly local shows. I enthusiastically said yes and the show went off without a hitch and I had the time of my life! That night a few of the band/crew went back to the managers house to hang out and I was invited to join them. So I did. I do not really drink, but I may have sipped on something, I do smoke marijuana and I believe I did partake more in that. Well it was getting late and people were doing whatever they were doing, leaving or taking an extra bedroom, so the manager asked if I would like to stay and since my house was at least an hour away...I said yes, again. I chose a couch but was asked if I'd like to share his bed. I politely declined and he retrieved a blanket and pillow for me while I got situated and laid down. It was dark and quiet minus the random creeks in the house but after a few minutes and as I was dozing off, I heard footsteps and felt a hand on my shoulder...it was the manager checking on me again to see if I was sure I didn't want to join him in his bed. I politely declined again and he said something like "well alright" like he didn't understand why I wouldn't want to. I listened to his footsteps as they led him away but now I was a little uncomfortable and wondered if I had put myself somewhere I shouldn't have been. Luckily, that night ended and the next day I went home.
Fast forward a month...my PA work has me in the same venue where I interned so one day at work the same manager asked if I would like to sell merch again but this time on a short two-week west coast bus tour. I was ecstatic to say the least. My mom agreed to help with my daughter and I was about to complete that semester in school so it was all working out. He was not going to be on the tour, it was just the four band members, TM, audio guy, a friend of the band and myself. Everyone except the TM was 10-15 years older than me with families or beginning them, but I'm not a party-er and I take everything probably too seriously at times so I felt like it was perfect for me. The first week was great, just the routine of arriving, setting up, selling, tearing down and settling everyday and maybe, if I was lucky, I was able to explore the city as far as the coffee or record shop that was hopefully next door. If I remember correctly, almost all of our shows were sold out with the biggest ones being at the Showbox in Seattle, the Fillmore SF, and the Avalon in LA. As we arrived into San Fransisco I hear that the manager was coming to the show with a few other big wigs..okay, that's normal. I did not have to sell that night since the Fillmore SF had their own in-house merch person so I got my first night off in a week and I was able to hang out and watch the show...with the manager and company...I have a picture from that night of him and the TM and I with a few others which is now just a reminder of what's to come...So I may have had a couple beers, it was exciting and I felt like I mattered!! but I never get to the point where I can't handle myself or make decisions. Either way...the night came to a close eventually and we all ended up back on the bus, even the manager, and now I'm hearing that he is riding the bus with us to our big LA show then leaving from there... okay, whatever's clever. By the way, I had taken over the back lounge after the first night of tour because I was super claustrophobic in a bunk at first and no one seemed to mind or at least they never said anything, maybe since there were always a couple open bunks. Anywho...I head to the back lounge of the bus and put on a movie...I guess I assumed the manager would stay in the front or grab an open bunk...but no...he found his was to the back lounge and laid down on a separate fold out bench/seat thing. I don't really remember exactly how or why anything started besides I was watching the movie and the next thing I knew he was straddling me, lifting my shirt and placing his "manhood" between my breasts and gyrating until he finished. I don't remember any words spoken or intentions uttered or permissions asked and there was definitely no kissing or foreplay. He did his thing and laid back down. I feel like it happened pretty fast and I didn't know how to handle the situation but after I remember laying there, and I can't even remember how it was cleaned up because I was frozen. I just kept thinking and wondering if anyone else had heard anything? What would they think? What have I done? I was just the merch girl. He was the manager and fifteen years older than me. People would think I'm trying to sleep my way to the top. I didn't know what to do so I just pretended like it didn't happen and finished up the last week of tour and went home.
I was never asked back to sell their merch and I'm still a fucking production assistant in the same town while he is now the head-regional-honcho for a major nationwide promoter and I still wonder if in some way I have stagnated myself in this business because of it. Whether subconsciously or because someone is making it that way. Yuck. I don't even know how to end this story besides what the fuck. Excuse my french, twice.
Wow. That was a lot longer than I expected it to be...and I'm shaking. I've only told one person, an ex, about this years ago who used it against me during a break-up AFTER I got them a job in the business, so I've never talked about it again for fear of not being taken seriously. And even if someone took me seriously, what then? Doesn't change anything, really. But thanks for listening!!
_______________________________________
Subject: My tenure as artist mgr/Miss-Used Help
I am reading these and thinking about my parents (divorced for many years) and myself, who have all worked, for a significant portion of our adult lives, in music. In positions of power.
My mom was undoubtedly harrassed and abused, AND was also an habitual pursuer of affairs. She pursued married men of higher perceived status. She just did. She would say so. She has said so. And if she or I named names, you'd know some. She has never played the victim about it...but she could if she were of a mind to do so. In fact, I think she rather likes these men to this day...even those that mistreated her a bit.
My father, to my knowledge, is EXTREMELY respectful of women below his station (and above). They are not married (my parents). My father is in a position, and has been for many years, to take advantage of his standing but has not to my knowledge, and I know him pretty well. He's a good guy. They exist.
This brings us to me. I was an artist manager and also a Stage Manager... for about 15 years... before I burned out. I never dreamed of taking advantage of my station, and I was also in a monogamous relationship through most of those years. During my tenure, I had occasion to hire interns for summer and sometimes longer. The vast majority of the applicants (for pay and college credit) were young women, mostly attractive. I told all three women my ground rules which were only 2. If they couldn't commit to them, they should walk. No booze or drugs at gigs, band meetings, studio sessions, etc. No sleeping with the guys in the band. I told these same rules to the guys in the band. One particularly brilliant young woman did a very nice job for most of a summer, and asked to stay on for the school year. Same rules, but now Grades also. Anyway, it broke my heart to search for her one day prior to a gig, only to find her on a tour bus giving a blow-job to a very well-known artist who doesn't go by his real first name. We were playing a bill with him ....and when I told the guys in the band what happened, eyes up in the sky and down at toes. Oh shit! No way! You guys too!? She had slept with TWO at least and one was the straightest arrow in the band. I was heartbroken. I had met with her father, and assured him she was in good hands and learning the business. I wrote letters to her teachers about what good care I was taking of her, and what a great job she was doing. And in the end, I had to fire her on the spot. And you know what? She didn't care about the job. She got the access. And she kept it. She showed up at every gig, just as before. The band even overruled me and brought her back on in an unofficial capacity, for NO college credit and NO pay. And she stayed. And she slept with those guys. I wonder.... Is she "me too-ing" now? Because I'm gonna tell you Bob, there were plenty of young, beautiful women that would have paid me to essentially be...let's use the word "Miss-Used" rather than abused....by the guys I managed. And I know that story isn't uncommon. (Great name for an album "Miss-Used.")
I'm only withholding my name because it would relate to the people in the story. I could care less personally.
_______________________________________
I came to Los Angeles to 'make it in the music biz' in 1991. In 1994 I founded a PR company. We've handled a huge array of labels, artists and other clients (books, film, non-profits)
My male 'best friends' who basically started at the same time as me in the biz are all on their second homes, second wives in many cases, doing very well for themselves, have climbed the rungs, give each other business all the time, take each other to networking events, etc. In all these years they have rarely given me the types of opportunities they gave each other or even taken me seriously as an industry colleague in the way they do each other. And these guys are my FRIENDS! I know their kids, go to their homes, etc.
And I won't even begin to recount all the experiences I've had that have been sexual harassment, date rape, leering and inappropriate behavior, language and so on - for that just see below and see all the other women that have written to you. I have experienced about 90% of all of that as well.
And at least once a month I want to 'quit the music biz' because of some chauvinist squeezing me out of a deal, or stealing my clients or demoralizing me and making me feel I am still at entry level. This never happens with my non-music clients. Nope. This really is something deeply connected to the music business where no one wants to be an adult or take responsibility for how their behavior will affect people working on their team.
So nearly 25 years into my music biz career I am still struggling for financial security when I see these male colleagues landing a lifestyle that I feel I have worked equally hard for and should also be mine.
Until as many women are in positions of power this won't change. People keep acting baffled about what the solution could be. The solution is so simple - hire equal amounts of women, stop damaging them with male predatory behavior/molestation, let them earn the top jobs and you'll see this crap become a trend of the past.
Unfortunately I also feel I need to say: please withhold my name, the other names, etc.
Thank you Bob.
P.S.
One other thing I want to add. I was a hard partying rocker chick from the jump. I had come to L.A. after hitch hiking solo through Europe for months. I was and am tough. And here is what I think people are not saying as much as the should: only men who are PREDATORS act like pigs. I have tons of guy friends (some that were attracted to me) that never, ever made a move or tried to lay a hand on me. They got me home safe and sound after wild nights seeing bands, going backstage, doing tons of drugs, drinking to near black-out levels, etc. But these guys are simply not predators. Some asked if they could kiss me or come upstairs or whatever, and when I said no, or indicated 'no' that was it. No 'date rape,' no additional pushiness, nothing. So I want that to be said. A predator is a predator, not all men are.
P.P.S.
Another thing that people are overlooking -- in some of these molestation cases women have reported -- is that you never know what the girl's background may be. Girls and women that have been molested by family or friends have a VERY HIGH tolerance to molest-y kind of behavior. They have probably already become accustomed to men pushing themselves onto them inappropriately, touching them, 'joking' with them. Maybe this all even happened at family functions, in front of their parents and so on. So if you've already 'broken' these girls at a young age it is going to make it hard for them to stand up to men and become leaders of tomorrow.
_______________________________________
Your readers might start to feel tired of all these #metoo accounts. I don't. I can't stop thinking though how incredible it is that the mouths are starting to unlock their truths but they are still afraid of the consequences. I think the #metoo movement must take things to the next level, which is not be afraid of speaking out and to lose one's job. So I will put my name to it because I believe that living truthfully is very important. Also I want to salute men who remain decent in this industry and that know how to stop as soon as someone says no.
There are always many sides to a story and this is only my take. I work both in the music industry and as a singer/songwriter. I remember the HR manager at BMG inviting me over lunch to spend the week-end with him back in 2004. I was an intern by then and he hinted he might be able to hire me afterwards. Needless to say I was already with someone and didn't want that. So I spent the next 4 months feeling nervous when he was around because I knew he was attracted to me but this man was very decent and never pursued me afterwards and I want to salute that. Due to the merge of Sony and BMG at the time there were no jobs anyway at the end of the 4 months.
Flash forward to 2016: I want to do a 3rd album of rock'n'roll, a dance I've been practising since I was 12. A friend introduces me to a boogie-woogie pianist who performs (still to this day) every Monday night at le caveau de la Huchette (of the La La Land fame) in Paris. It's his birthday, I talk to him and give him my 2 first CDs saying It would be interesting to do my 3rd album together. He gives me his card. I resume dancing and do not hear about him. 2 weeks later I put my best dress on and heels to go dancing. He's there as a guest at la Peniche le Marcounet to perform. He sees me and keeps telling me how beautiful, natural at dancing I am. I tell him I saw him 2 weeks ago, which he doesn't seem to remember but when I say my artist name, he says he has listened to my albums. And he starts caressing my back up and down which I find very strange given he was at the time 73. I say are you free tomorrow morning to discuss about the album and he says yes. So I invite him over to my place.
There he tells me all about his life and how women were giving him blow jobs while he was performing in an echangist place in the 70's. I don't really understand why he tells me about all that when I want to discuss musicians, budget and how we're going to do my album but he's an old man and out of respect I listen to him tell the tales of how it was back in the days. Then he tells me all about the 7 women he loved and that they all left him and how he never put money aside and has no place to live now and a fan of his has offered him to live with him. He tells me his last girlfriend was 20. At the time I'm 35 and he's 73, the age of my father.
We spend 2 hours together talking about his life and 10mn talking about my songs. He asks me to send them to him each time I craft a demo and that he'll be busy booking his Boogie-Woogie festival at La Rocquebrou. I ask naively if I would be able to perform there and he tells me: you're not black, baby. For Boogie I only hire American Black women. Which made me utterly "laugh" coming from a French white Boogie-Woogie pianist.
Anyway I send him the tracks that he marvels at, see him at La Huchette from time to time when I go dancing. He tells me I would have to do a crowdfunding to do the album as he has no money whatsoever. It should cost me around 1000€. And every time I see him his hands are all over my back caressing it and I hate this promiscuity and all the allusions to how beautiful and sexy I am. I flee every time he does that and I always put the conversation back to business.
Anyway this goes on for about 2 months. My sister invites me to go skiing and on a Monday night when he performs he asks why I'm not there by text. I answer I'm in the Alps skiing. And he says: "Oh to muscle your thighs?". I reply that my thighs don't need muscling as I dance all the time. He replies: "I don't know, you never let me touch them". I'm shocked beyond measure at this point and reply: "Well I will never have you touch them."
The reply comes instantly (and I'm still surprised at this point that he didn't pick up the phone to leave no written account of that): "Well then there will be no album." And then carries on telling me how Jane Birkin was the muse of Serge Gainsbourg and he wanted that relationship with me. Well needless to say I stopped right away talking to this man and never talked to him anymore when I saw him at other gigs. La Huchette lost a dancer to entertain the tourists flocking in hordes since La La Land. Last year he asked me by text if I wanted to come to his birthday party and make peace. I said not until you excuse yourself for your terrible behaviour. He did by text again. I couldn't make it that night tontje party anyway. Haven't seen him since. Will soon as I plan to go to la Huchette to dance one of these Mondays with a friend and see if the man knows how to behave now.
The reason I write this is because the limit is very thin between requited and unrequited love. But asking someone to sleep with you to do an album is definitely crossing the line when that person doesn't manifest any interest in you outside of having an artistic relationship.
Just wanted to share because when that happened to me I was just left with no words and a feeling of injustice and no one to complain to! Even though I could have sued him with the texts as evidence, I didn't see the point. Justice is too long and I decided to move on. I did my album "Boogie-Woogie Style" with my long time collaborator Fred Scamps. Because I want to underline it, most of the men I work with are very decent and I never had such an incident to deplore. And I find it important to also state that. For one deviant man how many decent ones...
Musically yours,
June Caravel
_______________________________________
In the late 90's I started my music industry career at EMI Music Canada in Vancouver. After a couple weeks I became good friends with one of our branch's female sales rep who told me a shocking story. A few weeks earlier, she returned to the office and checked her voicemail. She was horrified to discover that her boss, the Western Canada Sales Manager, had left her a shocking voicemail. You see, after the initial "work related" message that he left, he mistakenly thought the recording had ended. But it was still recording. What followed was a 'play by play' of all the sexual things he would love to do to said female sales rep if he ever had the chance. He was "shooting the shit" with a fellow regional sales manager who happened to be in the room with him. Both men were married. The female sales rep sent the message to EMI's Head of HR, who was female. Did either of the sales managers lose their jobs? Nope. At the time EMI Canada endorsed a culture of frat boy loyalty over integrity, and it started at the very top - from the President on down. Both sales manager had to apologize to the female sales rep. That was it. From that point on, the female sales rep could pretty much do whatever she wanted at work because her recording of the voicemail gave her leverage over her slimy bosses (male and female) all of whom were complicit in sweeping this type of crude sexual behaviour under the rug.
P.S. That same year, I went to the EMI Canada "Christmas Party" in Toronto which involved half naked strippers walking around serving appetizers to a roomful of men as we watched the Toronto Maple leafs playoff game on a big screen TV.
Name withheld for fear of retribution.
_______________________________________
From: Phil Tripp
About 25 years ago, my wife and I were at a Christmas party at the offices of Warner Chappell Music, with the top brass of the biz milling about. Lisa was the highly successful head of Music Staff, an industry specific employment service who had placed many women in top level jobs and she was my partner in IMMEDIA! and the Music Industry Directory.
10 metres away, a grossly drunk David Snell--then Chairman of EMI Records and the Chairman of the Australian Record Industry Association (ARIA)--started to stagger with his toadie in tow to lurch in front of me in a threatening manner, but my hands were firmly clenched behind my back anticipating trouble. He had just met Lisa 10 minutes earlier who was gracious and polite and noted they lived on the same street back in NZ where they both hailed from.
But now, arguably the most powerful man in the industry ( with a lurid reputation for sexual harassment) shocked everyone standing within earshot by saying to me in a soused roar "I just met your wife. She's a whore. Uglier than a Merino's arse. Too ugly to f&%#. Why don't you put a paperbag over her head and take her home?"
Standing right behind me were the heads of Warner Music Australia and UK, the CEO of Alberts, and we were surrounded by stunned execs, wives and industry workers.
And to make it even worse, when I didn't unfold myself to slug him as a good Aussie would and as Lisa came over having heard her name but not the epithets, he replayed his grotesque content word for word adding "And your husband is too much of a coward to defend your honour." at which point he stumbled forward to take a fruitless punch.
He was restrained by the Warner CEO mid swing before he could connect who said, "David, don't he'll sue you." I cooly replied, "Let him go Brian, he's already done more with his mouth than his fists ever could.
At which point, a shocked Lisa asked to be taken home. We called our lawyer Randall Harper from the car, explained the situation and in the course of two days had rounded up statements from witnesses there and by Monday, the then CEO and GM of ARIA called and implored me not to sue him, that he was contrite, regretful and would do what we wanted to settle this. I let them know that I wasn't suing him, hell, he'd never connected nor defamed me. To their horror, they were told that any legal action would be taken by Lisa for criminal defamation and sexual harassment and we were planning to serve him on the steps of EMI with a media scrum as the UK accounting firm that was auditing EMI were to arrive. And since he was at the party as a representative of EMI and of ARIA, it was up to our lawyer (who was previously the in-house counsel of EMI under Snell but never acted for him personally) as to whether to take the two acronyms along to court as parties to the crimes.
Lisa did not want to pursue a messy and highly visible action but we did want retribution. By Monday EVERYBODY had heard the story and was awaiting some outcome. In my office in Chippendale, Randall on one line, Snell on the other (he'd opted not to use a lawyer) hammered out an agreement accompanied by a non disclosure agreement.
Three weeks later, Lisa and I were written up in the Sydney Morning Herald's Property Deeds section as having bought a half million dollar property in Newtown, which tripled in value in a few short years.
David was humiliated and left EMI and the industry shortly thereafter. He passed away and I am only free to tell this story due to dead men can't sue for defamation.
_______________________________________
Let me preface this by saying anyone who has been a victim of sexual assault, my heart goes out to you.
Anyone who perpetrated such a heinous act is vile at best, repulsive as well.
I am not dismissing anyone's claims, however.
This pile on here is pretty disturbing.
Not from the women but from the men who are suddenly innocent puritans, outraged by purported offenses.
What music business were you living in?
Better yet, how would you fare taking a lie detector test about your own similar infractions and miscues?
Sometimes our crass, even vulgar humor is nothing more than that.
But we're far past that in today's paradigm.
We now cancel daddy/daughter dances as not to offend.
Again, not taking aim at victims and surely not defending.
I hate that I even have to reiterate that.
I will defend a victim faster than anyone you know.
I'm not sure anyone should be tried, convicted, and crucified in any public forum.
But that's 2018, isn't it?
But back to that pile on.
Things must have really changed since I left the business.
But it's nice to see the Amish, and every other strict religion, now gainfully employed.
All these fine young men.
I also see sour grapes churning a bitter whine (pun intended) and decades old hard feelings now turned into lashing out.
Yeah, I'm talking about you ex-promo guy, now a D rate manager, with an ax to grind and a bitterness streak.
You got fired? It happens.
I'm not here to defend Charlie, I'm here looking at the hypocrisy.
Transference anyone?
I wasn't there and yes, if Charlie is guilty, then not good at all.
But.......
I know Charlie, he's a lot like me.
Brash, ballsy, edgy, crude, rude, and obnoxious.
But we come from a different place and time.
And sometimes we talk out of our asses and you can't decipher between a crude joke and truth.
We offend sometimes and don't mean to.
We cross the line far too often.
But the interior is far different than what you perceive it to be.
Please don't take that as defending him.
I'm just explaining guys like us.
I'm still transfixed on the hypocritical men who have joined in the party here.
I like Charlie, so crucify me for that.
But like I said, if guilty that may change.
But I won't stomp on anyone in a pile on.
Well, some I might.
I still have my hard drives......
That makes me a hypocrite too, I guess.
Jack Ponti
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