Shopping

1

I'm never going to a brick and mortar store again!

Well, unless there is service. Like at the ski shop in Vail. But you pay for that service, more than MAP (Minimum Advertised Price). But the employees have been at it for years, unlike at Vail Sports, where the seasonal employees mounted all the demo skis incorrectly.

But no one wants to pay for service. That's the conundrum. People want a rock bottom price for their flight. They want every last penny squeezed out of the deal. As a result, the few people who are working retail are untrained and inexperienced and therefore unhelpful.

So I had to go to Santa Monica for a medical appointment. Are you aware we're in the midst of an "atmospheric river"? This is what people don't understand about Southern California, yes, it barely rains but when it does...it's either very wimpy or it pours. I mean think of your heaviest day of rain out of state, it's like that, but even more so. I left the house and a tsunami of water was pouring down the street. As for the freeway... No matter what time of day, there are people on the freeway in L.A.

Not that I can see much. I've got the wipers up front on full speed, and the rear wiper cranking... Rear wipers, what a great idea, how come it took decades and decades for them to be installed? I remember living in Utah, driving down the canyon during a dump. The defroster wires did a good job, but still...there was snow on the rear window. And ultimately one of the wires conked out. That's the change between yesterday and today, now everything just works. Until it doesn't. But it's so cheap you just throw it out and get a new one.

And my day is brightened by Howard. He's got a caller with genital warts. He got them from a stripper, how is he going to tell his wife? And an MD weighs in from Indiana and I think how entertaining this is, because it's real life.

When I'm done in Santa Monica...

Yesterday my reading glasses broke. I guess everything has an expiration date. Furthermore, they're not strong enough. But my eye doctor is so popular you have to schedule a year in advance, and he's worth it. So I call his office and get my old prescription, which I wasn't sure of, and they said they'd put me on the waiting list, in case something came up before my appointment in May.

So...

I know I need 1.75, but Microvision doesn't make them! Couldn't find them on their site.

So...

I've got a $95 gift card for Warby Parker, from a dinner at Troy Carter's place with the founders. That sounds like a good idea.

So I'm back on the freeway and Howard is talking about his years in 'Nam. Only trumped by when he talks about and imitates his parents. It was priceless. And it's raining and...

Stunningly, I find a spot not far from the Warby Parker store. But when I go to insert my credit card in the meter... It's unreadable! Half of the screen is blacked-out. Ultimately I just pay for two hours and move on. (I could see the first digit, but if I only wanted minutes it was impossible.)

And I stroll down to the Warby Parker store, which I know will be empty, because of the velocity and volume of the rain, and immediately a Gen-Z employee comes up to me and asks if he can help. I tell him I'm looking for reading glasses. He says "You came to the right place!" And just when I'm starting to feel good, he says they can be made up and delivered in two weeks. Nothing shorter? No. I leave the place.

So I cross the street to the CVS. My sneaker getting soaked in the process, the water was just that deep. And by this time I've got to pee. But the stock person tells me the bathroom is out of order. I tell him I'm going to buy something, is it really out of order? And he says yes. And to go to Vons (a supermarket for those not SoCal savvy).

So he steers me to the eyeglass section, but it's for women only, and then a woman points me to the reader section and there's a plethora of product. But not a single pair in 1.75! Just like Microvision, they jump from 1.50 to 2.00. So I try on the 2.00, maybe those will work. But then I finally find a pair, with a case, that are 1.75. And I test and realize that that's my correct prescription, 1.75. But these are three times the price of everything else, but just as I'm thinking of biting the bullet I read the details and they're trifocals, that won't work.

So...

I'm in search of a bathroom. Vons is not close, so I decide to go to Chipotle. Chipotle has got bathrooms, but you need a code to get in. And they give me the wrong code. But I see a guy enter one and figure I'll wait, but he never comes out. So guiltily, I go back to the service worker who tells me a different code, and I get in, and the bathroom is pretty clean, kudos.

So...

I get in my car, turn around and start driving to the CVS near our house. Oh, did I say Felice needed Mucinex? That was another reason for my journey. I didn't even bother to look for it at the previous CVS, because you can get Mucinex everywhere. Right?

And I come by Poquito Mas. And I'm starving. So I go in. But first I want to wash my hands. So I ask for the bathroom code, these loos are locked too, and I'm given it and it doesn't work. So I ask again, same deal. Then I ask a different person, who tells me that bathroom is broken, and I need to go to the other one, which is occupied.

So I wash my hands under the iced water tank. I think it freaked them out, but...

I scarf my tostada, which was excellent by the way, hit the spot, and now I wanted to go back to the bathroom, the one that worked. But I couldn't unlock it. So I go back to the cashier and ask for the code, which is the same one she gave me before. But then someone says that the bathroom is occupied, even though I banged on the door and asked if there was someone in there. Turned out to be an employee. And the door locked behind her when she exited. But then she entered a completely different code than the one I'd been told previously, to let me in.

Back in the car going west to the other CVS.

It's empty, like every other establishment. I ask for the reading glasses and am pointed to an aisle... That looks like a crime scene. They've got the same racks as the other CVS, but almost no inventory. And what's there is strewn loose around the base of the fixture. I comb through the detritus, but there's nothing close to my prescription.

So finally, I go to buy the Mucinex.

The cold remedy aisle is completely wiped out, I mean completely!

Well, more than half of it anyway. On the other end there are medications behind locked doors. And I'm not talking about cocaine, these are standard meds, but not the one I'm looking for.

Ultimately I find a bottle of Mucinex. But there's a generic with the same ingredients right next to it. All good except that the Mucinex is a liquid and the generic is pills. Does it make a difference?

So I whip out my phone and research and it turns out Mucinex makes pills too, but of course there's no inventory. I end up buying the expensive brand name, because Felice's health is important to me.

And of course I've got to pay by myself. We pump our own gas, soon we'll be asked to refine it.

But there are no bags and I don't need a bag and the machine won't let me go to the next step. So the majordomo comes over and helps me and...

Three hours later I'm home and have accomplished almost nothing.

2

I'm sick and tired of all this anti-internet hogwash, purveyed primarily by my boomer brethren. We've got to get off our phones, go back to the way it used to be, in the last century.

No!

I haven't been to a retail establishment in years, other than the aforementioned ski shop. Because they never have what I'm looking for, there's no inventory! Whereas online, it's all there and I can get it overnight, sometimes even the same day!

Stop hating on Amazon. Except for their ridiculous ads. I was trying to buy a tire pressure gauge yesterday, a ten dollar item, and it took me half an hour. I couldn't find what my research told me was good, and that that was there was impossible to find, because of the clutter of ads.

However, what is good about Amazon is you can search your order history, and most times you're buying the same damn thing over and over.

But I didn't want to wait a day for reading glasses. I wanted them for tonight. Sucker!

So now I'll go online. Where all the choices are there and everything's available.

Well, maybe not absolutely everything, because of just-in-time inventory policies...

The whole nation is so damn lean... This is what got Southwest and Ticketmaster in trouble. Just think, if Ticketmaster had put more into technology Taylor Swift wouldn't have bitched and the company wouldn't pay a price, which it looks like it's going to, the government is rabid on this.

If you like to shop...

I hate to shop, what a waste of time.

Then again, the only way for most people to evidence their status is via clothes and accoutrements. Ain't that sad.

So before you decide to get in your car and go down to the corner to buy something... Stop! It probably won't be there, just go online. It's not only easier, your odds of success are way higher.


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