A Spool Of Blue Thread

Life doesn't unfold like you expect it to.

Oh, I'm not talking about accidents so much as expectations. That's right, people die before their time. You get sick and you never really recover. You don't get into the school you want to...

But you meet people who change your life. They take hold of your hand, mostly your mind, and pull you in an unforeseen direction. All the hopes and dreams of your youth evaporate and you end up somewhere different, that you could not perceive, which feels uncomfortable but just right all at the same time.

That's the funny thing about people, they have an influence.

Or maybe you're an influencer. You know who you are. You've got big plans. Nothing's gonna get in your way. You're a leader, not a follower. But without a flock, without someone to pay heed, you're lost, you feel empty inside. And when you gain adherents, suddenly your path starts to wobble, you're no longer going in the right direction.

That's what they don't tell you about life. How plans can be laid and hoops can be jumped through and still it doesn't work out as you planned. I'm not saying to give up and go with the flow, certainly not today, in these challenging, economic times, but the truth is you never know what will be built upon the foundation.

The foundation... That's important. Who you are. Both morally and your resume. People can tell if you're honest and trustworthy. And even if you're not, there will be people who will appeal to you, who'll grab hold of your avarice and take you right down. That's right, you've got to beware of who you hang with. Which is quite the conundrum, because you get nowhere without other people, and how are you supposed to choose? You think you know what's right, but then your mother and father pooh-pooh these people, or they reject you. What do you do when the person you put all your hope and faith in abandons you? How do you handle that? You just march forward like a zombie and re-evaluate who you hang with. Do you want the person who can make you laugh all night or the one who'll come to your rescue when your car breaks down, when you need a friend...

Friends are everything. And loyalty counts too. We want people we can depend upon. If there's no one you can depend upon life gets lonely. And the truth is so many people don't know this, that we're looking for trustworthiness. Not only someone to pick us up when we're down, but to listen to us without judgment. Not without feedback, no one gets to pass through life without hearing opinions on their efforts. But we're all so insecure and vulnerable and our desire is to reveal ourselves and if we don't feel we can with you we're always gonna keep you at a distance.

So we end up with people who we trust, who tug at us, who pull us in directions we could never foresee. This is how you go on the journey of life.

And the truth is money makes the trip easier. And everybody has to make some. And you envy those who inherit it but you cannot see the burden they carry. Just like you cannot see the burden of the beautiful. With every advantage comes a cost. And the goal is to feel comfortable in your own skin. To know that there's something in you that shines as brightly as another's bank account or looks. And until you truly believe this, you're at a disadvantage. Always believing you got the short end of the stick and if you could only be them...

But the truth is you can only be you.

Maybe it's your eyes. Maybe it's your compassion. Maybe it's the way you can turn everything into a joke. Maybe it's your disposition. Embrace it, and let others hang on to it.

But maybe other people scare you. You've been burned too many times. That's the downside of age. As you get older you've got less angst, you know how the game is played, but you've had so many losing experiences that they hobble you. And it happens to everyone. Maybe you married your high school sweetheart, had three perfect children, but then your spouse gets cancer and dies and you haven't been on a date in decades and you suddenly understand all the loneliness others spoke of. You thought they were weak when they were only human.

And you yearn to connect, we all yearn to connect. But somehow our humanity doesn't square with a world where money and fame are paramount and who you know is about getting ahead as opposed to making a life.

I don't know everything. Nobody does. But a lot of people act like they do. Then again, many people want to impart wisdom that will prevent pitfalls. But pitfalls are the way of life. If it all worked out we wouldn't be happy.

And you know what happiness is. When you're driving in your car or walking down the sidewalk and a tune is playing in your head and there's nowhere you'd rather be, you're thrilled to be alive.

But it won't last forever. Neither the mood nor your life.

So get up off that couch. Roll the dice. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Because good only comes from bad. Motivation comes from adversity. You ascend mountains you thought unclimbable. To find on the other side things you could never foresee. Where your parents didn't want you to go, where you didn't want to go. Where you're thrilled and comfortable until...

It all goes topsy-turvy again.

https://www.facebook.com/AnneTylerAuthor


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