Fixing The Grammys

NO MASHUPS

Everybody hates them, we've got to make the show special in other ways.

SUPERSTAR HOST

Elton John. He hosts the show next year. He comes out, does "Your Song," a two minute monologue and then interstitial stuff where he's catty and funny and himself all at the same time. He gets to sit in with one or two performers, like he did fifteen years ago with Eminem, and the finale is every star known to man doing "Bennie and the Jets."

Every year there's a new star host. So instead of debating who's gonna play the Super Bowl, everybody's going to be talking about who is hosting the Grammys. It will build excitement.

NOMINATED SONGS ONLY

You only get to sing a song that's nominated. And we're going to have songs that are not only pop. We're gonna broaden the audience's horizons.

PUBLIC INVOLVEMENT

The show must be simulcast across the country. Have a little self-respect.

And then we have the public vote on two awards. Don't complain, the Grammys are meaningless, who cares if the public gets to choose.

Like our country brethren, who anoint the Entertainer of the Year, we're going to anoint the Performer of the Year.

FURTHERMORE, everybody nominated in this category is going to perform on the show. And we won't announce the winner until the very end, which is gonna force everybody to stay tuned in to find out who wins. And since there's no tape delay for time zones, there's no way to find out the winner in advance.

And the public is going to pick Best New Artist too, a category that's been so bastardized, no one can understand it. Let the people decide who's new and who deserves the award.

MORE AWARDS

I'd say to eliminate dozens of awards, I'd go down to twelve and give away all of these on TV. That's right, all you performers winning in categories that almost no one cares about, you don't get to take home a trophy. That's right, non-grossing films don't get to win an Oscar unless they can hold their own against the big boys in the big categories. Theoretically, we can expand the Record of the Year category, but that just muddies the water. Either you're a winner or you're not. That's what's wrong with our society, we give losers trophies for participating in soccer and we give performers Grammys for music that has almost no audience. Bitch away, the truth hurts.

CONCLUSION

We've got to add credibility to the show. How can you respect a show that features performers that are not nominated that is not simulcast that has a sideshow that gives away a hundred awards?

This is how we get people excited about music again. By making the show credible and watchable. By getting them involved.

It's a start.


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