Crying In H Mart

https://amzn.to/34uNrrW

Why are the best music memoirs always written by women?

I was overhyped. Album and book launched in the same window. Seemed more about marketing than content. And you know how the media is, they'll bite at any story. Well, not any, but if you've got a powerhouse publicity team behind you, with relationships, as well as a company with the means to push the button, you can get articles in traditional media without much effort. How many of these projects go on to success? Astonishingly few, undercutting the credibility of said media outlets. They are content factories expending little effort to separate the wheat from the chaff, the end result being that you don't trust anything they write, and this hurts everyone. I'll be honest, see a project hyped in multiple publications and one pays attention, someone is spending money, and there is a benefit to that in a world where rising above the morass is difficult, but unless you're a media junkie you probably won't even see these multiple articles, you might not ever hear of the project whatsoever.

But I pay attention. And I was turned off. Commercially middling at best musical artist now writes a book? Isn't that supposed to happen after success? There's so much you can ignore in today's world, unfortunately in that process you throw out that which deserves attention. "Crying in H Mart" deserves your attention. I heard about it from enough people to reserve it at the library. I certainly wasn't going to buy it. And while I was waiting for it to appear on Libby, it hit #1 on the "Los Angeles Times" chart.

Not that you should trust the L.A. "Times" chart. I had a friend who owned a bookstore, I was privy to the machinations, in truth certain stores have untold influence. You can trust the "New York Times" chart, even the one in the "Wall Street Journal." But the one in the L.A. "Times"? Forever Amor Towles's new book, "The Lincoln Highway," sat atop the chart. I mean there was immediate demand for the follow-up to "A Gentleman in Moscow," but I read "Lincoln Highway," and it was subpar, something a college student would write on their first try. Yes, it was an adventure...but loose ends are never tied up, and to call the book "Lincoln Highway" is a misnomer, and the ending if not quite ridiculous, is close. But still, "Crying in H Mart" went to number one? The only time this happens with a music memoir is when it's a long in the tooth rock act, for a week or two at best. And Michelle Zauner does not fit into that category.

But then I got a notification that I could jump the line, so I downloaded "Crying in H Mart" and started reading it and...

H Mart is a Korean grocery store. And there's a lot of food references and cooking in this book. And if you've never had Korean food, you're clueless. But I have had Korean food and love it, Asian is my favorite, but Korean is different from the Chinese/Thai twins. You can say Korean is similar to Japanese, but it's distinct. First and foremost there are the zillion little dishes they ply you with at the start of the meal. But having said that, I was clueless as to most of what was being talked about throughout this book. I ended up leaving the wireless connection to my Kindle on, so I could highlight the words so they would be looked up in Wikipedia, but the Kindle chip is underpowered and slow, and still there were not definitions of most of the cuisine. So I advise you just roll with it, see the unfamiliar names and keep going. One can argue they interrupt the flow of the book. But they're also part of its magic. Because food is so important to Michelle's mother and her family. Today food could be the number one entertainment source in America, even more powerful that concerts. The experience is available to everyone, you've just got to dive in.

So, bottom line, Michelle's mother is Korean, and she dies when Michelle is in her twenties.

Michelle's mother married an Anglo who she met in Korea. A former drug addict, now clean, trying to make his way in business. And after a peripatetic journey as far as Germany, the family settles down in Eugene, Oregon. A college town, but not that much more. At least according to Michelle. And her family ends up moving to the boonies, but music keeps Michelle alive, she wants to play music.

And her mother hovers. She does not work outside the house. She tries to micromanage Michelle and the sparks fly. To the point where Michelle ultimately has a nervous breakdown. But she gets into Bryn Mawr and then tries to make it as a musician in Philadelphia, which means having a day job. You plan tours where you play to few, but music is not keeping you alive, in this case your gig at the restaurant is.

And then Michelle's mother gets cancer.

Well, they have a love/hate relationship. And Michelle is keeping her distance. But it is her one and only mother, and she thought she'd be around for a long time. But she ultimately dies.

I'm revealing essentially nothing here. These facts are proffered from the very beginning. It's the details, the emotions, the stories between the facts that make "Crying in H Mart" such an impressive, satisfying read. I mean you're anything but a traditional girl, you're half Korean, and reminded of this seemingly daily, you're trying to fit in and not having an easy time of it, and now you're drawn back to the source of so much of your trauma?

And "Crying in H Mart" is personal. It doesn't try to establish big themes so the masses can identify. This is not "Tuesdays with Morrie." But it's the specific that we truly resonate with. The more bland and general, the less effect the work has on us. You see we're all individuals, looking to feel included, involved, understood. We're looking for people like us. And despite people's exterior image, we've all got questions inside, we're all debating how to play the game, how we're perceived, and when we're exposed to the interior mind of another we feel positively human and alive, like we're not the only one.

Now in truth hip-hop can be personal, although less so than in its infancy. And bombast and bluster have always been part of the equation. And in the heyday of classic rock, personal was key, especially with the singer-songwriters, who yes, were considered rock. I mean Joni Mitchell is a legend, there's nothing close today. An adult speaking adult truth, unworried about the reaction thereto. And in the heyday of classic rock, pop was a sideshow, but ever since its exaltation on MTV it's become part of the main show. The fact that Mariah Carey is lauded and imitated is confounding to those of us who lived through the classic rock era. And that's one of the turn-offs of today's music business, it's just about business. As for that which touches hearts, it's fringe, kind of like Zauner's Japanese Breakfast.

Then again, you read this book and you realize how many bands are out there, how many are trying to make it, how far the bar has been lowered.

But Michelle Zauner is smart and educated. And that separates her from so much of the dross. Each of us has our own special gift, but in truth big time music is now about creating a brand and then extending it. The content of it is secondary. And therefore, although there are a good number of street smart people involved, it's not a bastion of intellectualism. Not that you must go to college, but so many of the classic rockers were readers, big thinkers. In many cases it was books that got them started down the alternative path, like "On the Road." Today the starting point is far different, based in online, social culture. And the goal is to buy in as opposed to stand out. But how interesting is that?

"Crying in H Mart" is very interesting. Because we've all got parents. And certainly the music fans of yore felt like outsiders. And it's not really about music so much as it is about family, emotions, choices, experiences, and we can all relate to that. Which is all to say you don't have to be a music fan, don't even have to know about Japanese Breakfast to enjoy "Crying in H Mart." Now I understand why it's a best-seller, with four and a half stars and 7,073 ratings on Amazon. That's quite a lot, if you don't pay attention to the numbers.

So I heartily recommend "Crying in H Mart," dig into it after reading Kathy Valentine and Rickie Lee Jones's books. Then again, Michelle Zauner is from a different generation, we haven't had a book like this from a millennial yet. It's a great leap forward. The result of independent thinking, as well as the aforementioned intelligence and education. You see Zauner can write, which most writers of music memoirs cannot. They're ghost-written, but they're still paint by number concoctions. I did this and then I did that and I stumbled here but then I emerged victorious...it's like an episode of "Behind the Music." But not "Crying in H Mart." It will affect you.

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